Monday, December 30, 2002

What Type of Drunk Are You?
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-forgot my name at 2:25 AM

What type of vampire are you?
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I fire
-forgot my name at 2:12 AM

Saturday, December 28, 2002

Slipknot - Wait and Bleed

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes
How the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Get outta my head cuz I don't need this
Why I didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander over where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

Goodbye!

You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
My flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free

I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed...

And it waits for you!

-forgot my name at 5:17 PM

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
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What's Your Personality Type?
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What Element Are You?
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A different quiz, what strange type of person are you?
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What Is Your True Aura Colour?
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Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel


What box do you get put in?
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Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype at mutedfaith.com.
[Angel.]

-forgot my name at 3:48 AM

Thursday, December 26, 2002

How can I label you?
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What Color Eyes Should You Have?
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Harry Potter: Which Hogwarts professor would you be?
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""Which cocktail are you?""
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-forgot my name at 9:40 PM

Pissed?

ok, look. i'm back with an entry. read it and do whatever you want i don't care. this will not be a long entry. yes, it will not be very long. don't bother scrolling down to see how long this shit is. it's not that long, stop wasting those few seconds doing worthless things, just read this and get it over and done with.
i don't know exactly what i'm feeling now. i suppose i am pissed. maybe i'm just being a bit uptight. i don't know. if i happen to mention about you in this entry, then i did, not because i accidentally mention you, but i WANT to mention you. i'll just probably tell you why i'm a bit pissed off now (which is the reason why i'm typing this entry). maybe i've mentioned it previously in my earlier entries that i am a very subjective kinda person. if i think you suck, then you do suck. don't blame me, i'm me. i don't give a shit about what the rest of the world thinks about you. they can say that you are a fucking nice guy and i won't fucking give a damn about it coz you're but a loser in my eyes. maybe you are a fucking nice guy and it's just that i don't get to see the better part of you and so be it. none of my business anyway. you lead your life and i lead my own. so don't fucking come and tell me how miserable my life is coz you are in no position to tell me all that crap you dig? my life is not miserable, maybe yours is. i don't fucking give a damn. my life is how i want it to be and you are not me, so please please don't come telling me how miserable and sad my life is and how yours is going to rock coz that's none of my fucking business. you can go get a low down life you piece of shit. i am happy about the way i live my life now. maybe you can't stand the way i'm handling my life, so? can't you just fucking ignore me and get the fuck outta my life instead of trying to change it? if you just happen to read this, please don't come bothering me about how i feel towards you. coz i don't give a shit about your opinions or your explanations. i just can't be bothered about you, geddit? if you don't like me you can just tell me straight in the face. i don't mind, really. i'll just accept things as it is and move on with my life. or maybe you would just be kind enough to get outta my life.
let's be fair to you too. i'll try to cook up some reasonable explanations about your actions. maybe whatever you do online is the so-called split personality by the experts. that you are presenting a different part of yourself to others through the net, the part you would not show in real life. if that's the case, then i suppose that's got nothing to do with me. either you do something about it, or you try to remain as it is. maybe i don't know you that well to understand you. but somehow, the part of you that's being presented to me is rather fake. or if i would put it in the layman's term, a hypocrite. i don't know. maybe you aren't and you just are the gentleman that you seem to be. i don't give a shit. i don't have to act like a gentleman to be a gentleman. if you have what it takes, then prove it to the world. not create a facade to hide your true ugly self. be a man and show it. accept it. there's nothing wrong in being a loser anyway. i have losers as friends too. but not 'close' friends. the type whereby i would just say hi or bye. i'm sorry if this entry's a bit too vulgar, really i am. i don't mean to offend anyone through this entry. it's just a way of expressing myself.
*number of 'fuck' used: 8
number of 'shit' used: 5

*note that 'fuck' here does not have any implied meanings. it's but a way of expressing my anger or my piss.
-forgot my name at 9:33 PM

Sunday, December 22, 2002

Gratitude

yeah...i'm back with a new entry again. happy? i don't give a damn about you. you might be cursing me on your ass for typing so much shit as a new entry again. (i don't know how long i'm going to write, but i just have the feeling that this will be a long entry.)
first of all, i suppose i have to thank someone for giving me a christmas card this year. it's the first christmas card i've received from a friend i think. i can't really remember. but it's just kinda nice of someone to give me a card when i don't even give anyone any shit. there were a lot of words on the card though, kinda destroys my whole impression of a nice christmas card...lol. i'm really thankful for that coz it's somewhat special to me. the first card i got from a friend and probably the first time someone telling me so frankly that how nice a friend i am (maybe i'm not, don't bother proving me wrong, i can't be bothered). don't really have to thank me so coz that's the least i, as a friend, can do for my friend. don't expect much more, i'm broke. i'm really thankful for all the friends around me who cares so much for me. sometimes i feel that i don't deserve all that coz i'm not that wonderful a person. i feel that you guys are great too, really. a bunch of nice friends to have or should i say bunches of nice friends...hmm...whatever.
i think i've really changed a lot now. maybe i've matured or maybe i'm becoming more chidish. whichever is in greater proportion i am not sure. it's kinda easier for me to make friends nowadays than compared to the past. i have a great deal more friends than before and it's great coz i get to know more people and interact more but it's also bad in a sense that i may neglect some of them unknowingly. it's just kinda damn hard to manage social relationships well i think. after all, there's only 24 hours in a day and there's just that much you can do in a day. no point trying to cram everything into one day and get done with all that shit at once. that just kinda sucks doesn't it. i try to balance out my relationships with my friends so that i don't really neglect one particular group but it's damn hard. i somehow find that if once you have a girlfriend or something, you'll just sort of naturally drift away from your other friends coz your girlfriend might just expect more attention from you. that just kinda sucks for me, why can't we have the best of both worlds damn it. seriously, i ought to apologize down here to those whom i have neglected unknowingly (or purposely).
i kinda feel bad for not being able to hang out with you guys that often and maybe resulting in us drifting apart. sometimes i just kinda envy those people whose parents don't really care if their child goes home too late or just goes out with friends too often. coz it's like my parents are rather strict with me. maybe it's partly becoz i take a longer time to go home than the average kid so they expect me to go home earlier. i just cannot hang out too late coz there would be a lot of things for me to worry about when i go home late, especially the transportation part. however, i don't hate the way my parents are handling me coz i know they are trying to make things right for me. it's just something i just have to live with anyway. they are my parents after all, they provide me with the food and lodging that i have and i am grateful for everything they have done. there's not much point in me being unhappy with them coz i'm not really in the position to boss around (i'm just freeloading right now anyway). it would be kinda great to hang out late i suppose. i don't know. i don't hang out that late anyway. if i really hang out late, i would have to stay over somewhere. i can't possibly find the transportation to get back home, damn. i'm happy the way it is actually. at least i know that i won't be getting myself into trouble for hanging out too often. i'm getting kinda sleepy already now...can't really think of stuff to write. not exactly that long right? i'll continue on (not today i suppose). too bad. so sue me. actually i thought i had lots more things to write but my brain's really kinda dead already. can't remember. i'll be back. trust me.
-forgot my name at 3:55 AM

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

Nuisance

ok...by popular demand, i'm back with an entry again. i don't really have much to write about actually. maybe i shall try to bore you people with events that has happened in my present life these few days. haven't really had the mood to write anything into the blog. i'm not that lazy. i just can't find the correct shit to put into this shitty blog (did i just say my blog is shitty? heck).
i haven't had much time to do lots of thinking actually. not really no time but it's kinda like the environment's just not conducive enough for me to do self-reflection or shit like that. i need time to be alone and not be distracted at the same time. i'm easily distracted while i'm at home. yes, very easily. it's kinda weird how come i always post my blog at this time of the day. this is probably the time when my house is the most quiet, or serene if you will call it. one could sorta reach some form of enlightenment under this environment if you try hard enough (and i mean real hard, try harder). so that's probably the main reason why i post my entries at this point of time. my house is quiet. my family's sleepin...the only sound i can hear is music right into my ears. i don't really like my brother nosing around into my affairs and i would not bother about his if he sticks his nose outta mine. he sorta knows that i'm doin some kinda webpage thingy but he doesn't know that it's a blog or whatsoever and i simply can't be bothered to explain to him what this whole shit is about. once he knows about all these, he'll probably start readin about my stuff and i would not like it. at all. i just want to have this kinda privacy in my life and i definitely do not want him to come botherin me about all this shit that i've typed till now. he'll probably start counsellin me or whatever, i don't give a shit.
maybe it's because of the kinda attention i get since young or whatsoever, i somehow feel that my brother's kinda lame you know. is that good or is that bad i am not very sure. he's one year older than me, stronger than me but not fitter than me. better lookin? i cannot say. taller than me definitely. he's sorta chinese educated down here in malaysia and our thoughts probably just doesn't seem to link. he listens to 93.3fm while i prefer 98.7fm or 91.3fm. that's one very distinct difference between us. he's not exactly the sort you would call conservative, i don't know. apparently, he's got this gf which i have mentioned in my previous entry and i somehow or the other just detests her freakin looks and her freakin voice. he's a nice guy though, maybe too nice to others. think he has a problem controllin his EQ at home. he needs courses on that i suppose. somehow i feel that i don't know him anymore and i just can't really be bothered about his life anymore. maybe we are driftin apart i am not sure. or maybe it's because i feel that somehow he's keepin something from all of us in the family that disgusts me.
my parents are not dumb, they know that he's got a gf or something like that but that we are all keepin mum about it, at least in front of him. we try not to face the whole matter directly or else he'll probably start losin temper about all the shit again. just don't like it when he loses his temper, can't control it at all, a totally changed man, a freakin loser. ok now back to what i was sayin, i somehow caught a glimpse of his sorta private stuff which was placed in a not-so-private place: in the cupboard. i stumbled upon a few pics that he had taken with his gf and i totally refuse to comment about his taste. if you really want me to comment, then maybe one word would suit it best: shit. maybe i am in no position to comment about his life but i'm just voicin out my opinions, he can just hell ya don't give a damn about me and that's it. looks are not everythin as i've said but her looks are totally erm...the face i would rather land my fist on rather than make eye contact with. in the picture, i am not even sure if my brother is lookin exactly happy or was that a look of sufferin i see in his eyes in the picture. and i sorta 'accidentally' stumbled upon his handphone's Inbox out of my curiosity. not a lot of messages from that gal though...only a few and it's all full of those freakin mushy stuff...i would probably throw my monitor at that bitch if she said that kinda shit to me. just cannot take it. maybe that's what will happen when a couple is in love but hey, that's a bit too erm...freakin shitty right? i don't know...haven't had any relationships with any gals so far. i wouldn't do that kinda shit if i ever was to go into a relationship with a girl that i like. it's like a bit too obscene if it's put into words eh? you can say that i'm too conservative or whatever and i won't really give a shit coz that's what i think. i believe in mutual respect, u respect me and you will have my utmost respect in return regardless of who you are.
back to what i was talkin about, yeah that gal. she's a taiwanese. meaning her family's in taiwan while she is here in malaysia studyin by herself. no idea why anyone would do that but yes she did that. malaysia of all places. wow. my mum sorta knows that gal's a taiwanese also and she's kinda worryin about losin her precious son to taiwan in future. i sorta told her that things won't probably get that far though, they're only 18 for heaven's sake. but after kinda knowin what the gal's like and what my bro's like...i'm kinda worried that he might really be cheated off by that bitch. lol~ my bro's a simple-minded guy. but not-so-innocent for sure. i could bet my balls on it. he may just do every shit he can for that gal and that's like...damn.
the situation now is that he's kinda choosin which U to go to and kinda like plannin for his future. i am not sure if he really gave it a serious thought. he said he wanted to do chemical engineerin in the U at first. but after gettin to know the courses they offer, few U offer that course and he's thinkin of goin into the business faculty now (at least a few days back?). erm...ok...from chemical engineerin to business...ok. and i heard from my mum that he's actually thinkin of doin law today. wow. amazing. from chemical engineerin to business and now to law. i really wonder what's next. literature stuff? i don't know. he sure has a wide range of choices i must say. don't know how the hell he came up with those shitty thoughts but he managed to do it. wtf...i don't know if i should talk to him on this. maybe i should, it's his future we're talkin about here. i should probably tell him that he should not let others affect his decisions where this thing is concerned (i think this is the major problem). he just tends to go with the flow. damn...and probably being manipulated by his gf on exactly which course to choose...i'll try to talk to him on this. yup.
kinda pissed off by him actually just now. i am the one who would usually be chattin online and that's probably the thing that i do most at home anyway. i don't use the phone at all. maybe use the house phone to call up my mum and dad? that's all. i totally don't call any other people with the house phone so there won't be any special phone calls made by me. i don't even call people on my handphone i realized. i'm plain dumb. i get 200 minutes of free talk time and i don't use it. wtf. my total talk time for 3 mths is only 70 minutes. wow. maybe it's time to shove the phone up my ass. i use it for sms though. that's probably about it. lol~ ok, back to the topic. my brother somehow wanted to go online to chat just now so i thought maybe i should let him surf some time coz i'm surfin the net all the while. he was chattin with his friends and such. after letting him surf for about one hour. i thought i should tell him that i wanted to chat too. and guess what, after chatting for about half an hour, he kinda asked me to let him chat again. wow. damn it. and by the time he's done with his chattin and stuff, everyone's gone on the irc. who the hell am i supposed to talk to now. you may say that i'm being bad coz i'm hoggin the computer and irc and stuff but hey he chats on the phone all the while and i don't. can't he just let me chat in peace? damn it. sure hope shit like that don't happen again. but maybe it would coz......shit happens. i'm sorry if i said i would talk about things that 'happened' these few days in my life. i lied. so sue me.

-forgot my name at 4:24 AM

Friday, December 13, 2002

Daniel Bedingfield - If You're Not The One

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
but I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
and I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do i dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,
I dont understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?

Heart? Brain?

thought that i should post the lyrics of that song together with this entry of mine. it's amazing how you are able to find a song that you can relate to when you are really feeling down or confused or otherwise. i just downloaded that song and i find that the song sort of describes what i'm thinking or going through recently. it's a nice song, trust me. not rock, some kinda ballad. pay attention to the lyrics above coz it's not posted there for the sake of filling up the space on this page, it's there for some reason. if you can, download the song and try listening to it and you will probably get what i mean.
it's about time since i seriously posted something on my blog once again (my friends are starting to complain that i'm being a slacker already :b). i'm not being lazy but that i simply find nothing that i want to talk about on my blog. it's kinda pointless for me to post things that i've done everyday coz i'm doing almost the same shit everyday. and you people would simply get bored of reading the same shit everyday get it? maybe sometimes i do different shit, but it's just a small part of my life, not very much worth mentioning.

in case you're wondering why you people have not seen me online for the past 2 or 3 days, it was because i went for a chalet, my ex-class chalet. it was fun, not including the part where i got sick and i had to slp for almost a day. the people just mixed together though several of us were not in the same class currently. maybe we are friendly people, i don't know. only 3 gals turned up at the chalet, not because there are only 3 gals in that class, but because they can't be bothered to come or they can't come. that is probably one thing they need to work on i suppose. it's supposed to be their class' chalet, maybe they need to be more enthusiastic than just slacking at home mugging for next year's work. it's not that the class is not fun, the class IS fun. that is one thing for sure. the guys are lame (in a good sense), fun and cute. yup...but i just dunno why the class is not as united as they should be. actually it was kinda like this already before i left the class, never mind.

the people were very friendly towards each other i must say. i didn't even have to do any of the cooking while at the bbq. i was just sitting down there and waiting for people to stuff my plate with food. thanks! maybe that's the reason why i developed a fever after the bbq. too much grilled food, bad for health. damn...was down with a fever towards midnight but i still forced myself to have fun with the people, went for a night walk and such. what's a chalet like if you had to lie down in bed and feel sick? screw that kinda feeling man...i started sleepin at around five or six i cannot remember. my fever got the better of me after that. for the rest of the second day, i sorta got into a trance. people seemed to be moving around me and my head was spinning round and round. i was really touched to know that so many people were actually so caring towards me at the chalet *sOb* haha...thanks guys. especially the ones who were by my side most of the time and the one who kept waking me up and forced water down my throat (bastard) haha...really thanks! you guys rock!

the chalet sorta brought each of us closer than before. we gossiped quite a lot on the second night and it's amazing to know how each of us could hate certain teachers to the extreme. i'm starting to miss hockey trainings now that there would be no more trainings till school reopens, damn. hockey trainin is tiring but damn fun though. at least i won't have to think about where to go every alternate days. i'll either be resting at home or at hockey training. saves me quite a lot of money too. now that there's no more training, i don't know where to go and going anywhere would mean spending money...and i'm darn broke already damn.

i just sorta found out that my elder brother's got a girlfriend and what she looks like. my mum kinda knows about it some time ago and she's quite mad at it...she kinda objects to bgr at our age. but after knowing what my brother's girlfriend looks like, i sorta understand why she's so mad. the girl simply looks erm...*speechless* looks totally like a bitch. though i've said it before that looks doesn't really matter but she's just got the face that i would love to land my fist in. pathetic...she looks like a pig, personal opinion. hope my brother doesn't read this. she looks damn bitchy and i think my brother seriously deserves much better than that kinda shit. maybe i shouldn't criticize her until like that but i just can't help it. just don't like her shitty face and her shitty voice(even my mum says so). and my brother seems to be totally under her charms (don't think she has it anyway)...maybe i should do something to help him...maybe i should care less coz i can't even help myself.

yes. i am sorta goin through a dilemma right now. troubled by affairs of the heart you may call it. i don't know. coz i'm not sure if it even involves my heart. i hope my heart has nothing to do with this shit coz i don't want it to get hurt again. it was stabbed right through with an invisible sword so powerful that it almost stopped. that is one thing i wouldn't want it to experience again. i don't know if i can take it anymore. i may just burn and never rise above the flames anymore. i don't know if i should go all out for it or rather, her. i just don't know. if you don't know what the earlier part of this story, please do not tell me to go all out for it, coz you do not know how i feel. only those who were with me for the 1st three months knew what kinda shit i sorta went through. i rose above the flames. scarred. even my heart refuses to tell me what to do already, maybe it is scared. i used to rely on it so much so that i almost thought that brain was useless. i do not understand what i am feeling now actually. do i still like her? or am i still clinging onto the one thing that was never mine to begin with? it's a bad experience, real bad. suffered a total crushing defeat when my ego was at its peak (or was it?). i've abandoned my ego for now, coz that does not matter to me no more. what matters to me most is what i have, what i can feel and see. someone told me that maybe i ought to be more careful this time, maybe i am dreaming what i am feeling and i may get used by her. that's true in a way. maybe. i cannot say for sure. who am i to judge anyway? i can't read other people's minds anyway. if only i could. if only i could see right to their hearts. i dare not sink too deep into this shit, i used to immerse my self into the shit only to find myself trapped and tortured, mentally. i'm not putting as much effort as i would have put in the past i can say for sure. i dare not do so. as i feel that the more i give, the more i'll be hurt. i cannot even summon the courage to ask her for her true feelings of me. i'm just afraid of being hurt this once more. i'm just a wuss. a burnt man.

Incubus - Pardon Me
A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory;
an ominous landscape of never ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.
Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book

and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
and thinking so much differently.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.

this song is here not just to fill up the space btw. (1974 words)

-forgot my name at 3:36 AM

Sunday, December 08, 2002

Which Sesame Street Muppet's Dark Secret Are You?
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-forgot my name at 9:07 PM

Where Did Your Soul Originate?
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-forgot my name at 9:07 PM

What swear word are you?
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-forgot my name at 9:06 PM

What's your sexual appeal?
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-forgot my name at 9:06 PM

What's YOUR sexual fetish?
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-forgot my name at 9:06 PM

Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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-forgot my name at 9:05 PM

How Emotional Are You?
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-forgot my name at 9:05 PM

What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
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-forgot my name at 9:04 PM

which eye are you?
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-forgot my name at 9:04 PM

haiz...it's 3.30am liao and i'm still not sleeping. maybe it's because i've slept too much for today or maybe i just don't want to waste my life sleeping. i'm sort of in a dilemma right now...haha...maybe i am in the dilemma or maybe i'm not. i just don't know. i'm trying to run from the problem i think. i'm scared of knowing the outcome, even though i don't show it. i fear it. i dread the feeling that i'll get when the answer simply comes. i'm a wuss. damn. i didn't fear the outcome in the past, maybe it was becoz i did not know what it would feel like, but after i've had the experience, i dread it.
although i have no wish to run from reality, but my natural instinct seems to be backing off from the problem. maybe it's trying to protect me from the harm that i once suffered. maybe...

Remy Zero - Save Me


I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside
And they pull you under...
And I would give you anything you want, but no.
You were all I wanted
And all my dreams are falling down...
Crawlin' around, and around...

Somebody save me!
Let your warm hands break right through
Somebody save me!
I don't care how you do it
Just stay!
Stay, c'mon, I've been waiting for you

I see the world has folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside
And they pull me under...
And I would give you anything you want, but no
You were all I wanted...
And all my dreams are falling down
Crawlin' around, and around...

Somebody save me!
Let your warm hands break right through
Somebody save me!
I don't care how you do it...
Just stay...
Stay, c'mon, I've been waiting for you

And all my dreams are on the ground
Crawlin' around, and around...
Somebody save me!
Let your warm hands break right through me
Somebody save me!
I don't care how you do it
Just stay... with me...
I made this whole world shine for you
Just stay!
Just stay, c'mon... I'm still waiting for you



-forgot my name at 3:31 AM

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.

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Take the What Type of Friend are
You? quiz, and visit mutedfaith.com.
[Me.]


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What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com /
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find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
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What Planet Are You From?


this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim


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Thursday, December 05, 2002

Other Bits Of Me

it's been quite a long time since i seriously wrote something down into my blog. it's not that i've lost the passion for writing in the blog but simply i can't find enough things to put it down into words. i feel things, it's hard for me to put what i feel into words you know. it's just not my cup of tea.
there's not a lot for me to write about myself now, after having posted the previous entry. i suppose that's about all that i can say for myself anyway. i'm not such a complex person, but not that simple either. a friend of mine that i've known in the 1st 3 mths told me that i've changed quite a lot. have i? i have no idea. maybe i have changed, for the better or the worst i can't say. what was i like in the past? what am i like now? i can't say for sure. maybe i have not changed after all. maybe i am still me but it is just that the world has changed. changes are good in life i suppose. it creates a new you, adds color to our dull lives, so that you won't get bored of me. but how can the world want me to change, when they're the ones that stay the same? my change is not becoz of me alone but simply the world has changed, at least my world has changed.
i've got to know more people in jc now. much more than i had in secondary school. i am no longer apprehensive about meetin new people. i used to be like that i suppose, really can't remember now. it's kinda great to know that you have a bunch of great friends around whom you can rely on when you need help or to share your joy.
i am no superman. i may look strong. but i'm not as strong as i seem. i do break down and cry but i simply do not want to do that. crying does not help anyway. it's what you do after crying that solves the shit. i don't get shag easily though. even though i get shag physically, i'm still not shag mentally. (you understand this shit? i don't really understand what i'm saying though.) i still kinda remember that time when my obs instructor said that i'm one tough guy. am i really one tough guy or am i simply a wimp who tries to act tough most of the time. i cannot say for sure. maybe i'm one tough wimp. i seldom let my emotions show. i keep things to myself. i try to solve things by myself coz i have no wish to trouble others, not even my parents. i seek help unless i am really desperate for help otherwise, i'm on my own. people say i act cool...do i act cool or am i really one cool guy? lol~ i don't 'act'. either i'm cool or i'm not. i'm on my cool side when i'm alone, you can't expect me to be hyper when i'm all alone do you.
my friend says that my whole attitude has changed and i'm kinda more 'attitude' nowadays. maybe that's the case but i don't give a shit. i can understand why i behave like this actually. i tend to let things be, becoz when you care too much about something, you get hurt more. so probably i do not wish to let myself be hurt anymore that's why i've come up with a kinda self-defence kinda thingy. it's kinda good this way isn't it? at least i don't have to bother with a lot of other things in life. i could just sit back and relax: what will come, will come. not much point worryin over it anway. i'm not the type who would sit back and cry over something that i can't get or over something that's sad or whatever. i may tear for a moment or two, but i get up from that and carry on. life goes on anyway. the world does not revolve around me alone.
hmm...i seem to be running outta ideas to write down here. there are actually something that i want to write but i think i'd better not write it down. don't ask me why or what. i won't tell u :b i don't care, i just won't tell. the holidays will be over sooner than we know. there's less than a mth before the school reopens now...damn. haven't done anything constructive at all. there won't be any hockey trainings for the rest of the holidays...damn. what can i do for the rest of the holidays now? i simply hate thinking about what to do, i'd prefer going for the trainings, at least i would know that there is something for me to do and i can meet up with the bunch of noisy guys lol~ any kind souls out there would like to date me out, provided i am free and not shagged on those days :)
nothing much for me to write on, but i just want to carry on writing so that there would be more words in this entry :b guess i'd comment on the few quizzes which i did down the page. the quiz is pretty dumb i suppose. it makes me seem as if i'm a nice guy or something like that. am i? i don't think so. i can't handle gals (confirm+guarantee+chop). that's one thing i really suck at. i can't buaya...i run out of topics to talk and i could just stone if i went out with some gals. i'm not the type who would talk a lot in front of gals...shy lah...haha~ a lot of you would definitely be dying to refute me about the point that i am shy. but i am really shy...why wouldn't you people believe me....stupid...i don't care lahz...i am shy and that's it. i am not shy in front of guys for sure...nothing much for me to be shy about. coz i don't really give a damn...lol~ it's a very complex mentality which i won't bother to go into details. guess i'll stop now...reached a thousand words already. you people might kill me if i write another 2k words entry :b

-forgot my name at 6:42 PM

Monday, December 02, 2002

Which Part of a Meal Are You?Find out!

-forgot my name at 2:28 AM