name: zesin.
loves: life, music, photography.
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doppelganger.
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.: contact :.
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.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
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.: reads :.
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.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
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.: archive :.
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11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
loves: life, music, photography.
- - - - - - - -
doppelganger.
- - - - - - - -
.: contact :.
- - - - - - - -
.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
- - - - - - - -
.: reads :.
- - - - - - - -
.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
- - - - - - - -
.: archive :.
- - - - - - - -
11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
i'm actually the kind of sucker who would bother returning handphones i've found on the floor. i didn't find any phones of course, i'm never that lucky. my roomie found one and it was pretty obvious he was gonna keep it for his own use. being the bastard, i just told him i would return it to the owner if i found it. after pondering over it for some time, he just dumped me with the phone and ask me to settle it for him. oh wells. at least it's a good deed. not that it's a lousy phone but i just don't see the point in keeping what's not yours. it's some 3.2 megapixel samsung phone in case you're curious. oh well.
-forgot my name at 10:23 PM
note that i used the word almost because i have no idea if he's pulled through or no. it's one of the guys in the office beside mine. his colleagues found him collapsed on the floor and they found no way to revive him. was pretty bad cos he ended up having no pulse for more than 15 minutes. most of the people were quite desperate including myself cos it took ages for the ambulance to arrive and none of us are really well-trained in CPR techniques.
yet i was there, watching his face turn from pale white to purplish black. a myriad of thoughts were running through my mind somehow. ranging from cursing the ineffeciencies of the people to preparing his eulogy. you could see some of the ladies were crying already and the colleague of his who was so desperately trying to revive him walked over to one corner and broke down.
it was only until the ambulance came and they used the i-dunno-what-it-is-called and shocked him till they got a faint heartbeat back. it was pretty miraculous i have to say. they were already trying to figure out the time he fainted and probably to pronounce his actual time of death. i suppose that's what they call a clinical death. he's being rushed to the hospital immediately after that and i wonder how he is.
i just hope he pulls through.
-forgot my name at 8:00 PM
sorry had been busy with a lot of birthdays to really have time to update.
life's back to the normal mundane self. not too much excitement but it's where it should be.
still figuring out how to use the camera effectively i would say. no photos to be uploaded as of yet. or rather, nothing much that i would think it's good enough to be uploaded. will probably be starting out a different photoblog for the photos.
-forgot my name at 5:54 PM
this is a dream come true for me. got my Nikon D40x (Digital SLR) and i suppose this will be a beginning of a different aspect of my life. a life through a viewfinder.
next up would be to learn some photoshop skills i guess. not to say save up again to buy various accessories for better photography effects.
i'm still a complete retard when it comes to terms such as ISO Sensitivity, Aperture, Shutter Speed and Exposure. damn.
i'll try to get the software set up and all to upload some pictures here. maybe it's time for me to start a photojournal too. whoopass.
-forgot my name at 12:11 PM
this has gotta be the single most fucking expensive thing i ever pay with my own money. updates to come when i have the time. tomorrow perhaps.
-forgot my name at 11:49 PM
if i look back, then i am lost.
when i look forward, i am not found.
oh well at least i get one day of hari raya leave to clear as a make-up. gotta start marking out a good day on my calendar then.
-forgot my name at 7:53 PM
As we grow older, the fear of falling binds us to the very ground we stand upon. Our very own existence weighs upon us treading along with trepidation amidst the occult norms and stigmas of this society.
Shadows and regrets are but mere connotations that embodies the young and the old, the weak and the bold. Wherever we may soar, we are still trapped in this matrix hidden from plain view. Our mind and soul are entombed by the very education and morals that define us. Vi veri veniversum vivus vici. Yet, truth in itself has no meaning for it is already being incarcerated into the cast of what-is and what's-not.
Some say there is nothing to fear but fear itself. However, the more we live, the more fears appear to grip us by the stranglehold. We live and we seek to be free. We live, yet we fear. Could there be an end to this eternal struggle between the lightness and heaviness of being?
If only time could tell.
amazing how i could rant so much about life and existentialism when all that triggered this was a simple story about my friend who was learning how to cycle and how he feared to fall as he grew older. oh well.
-forgot my name at 10:11 PM
yet i still haven't found what i'm looking for.
-forgot my name at 1:04 AM
i really wanna get a tattoo, a sandbag and a camera.
-forgot my name at 8:18 PM
Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire
and nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
This is my hell.
Anberlin - *fin
and then i cried.
-forgot my name at 8:09 PM
for the rare few occasions in my life, i actually might have regretted being your friend in the first place. it screwed everything up.
i should have known it wasn't gonna be easy to transcend those ties.
fucking knnbccb.
-forgot my name at 12:08 AM
i'm just feeling kinda lost.
haven't had much of an idea what i've been doing for the past month or why i'm doing all those things.
i don't even know why i'm drinking so much or started smoking for that matters. it definitely was one thing i would never ever do yet here i am, doing it.
when one of my contractors asked me if i'm a smoker, i don't even know how i'm supposed to reply him. i smoke too little to be a smoker yet i do. this whole shit is messed up. my life is messed up.
here i am, still sitting and waiting for the call that probably would never come. it tears me apart at times, thinking about how i'm sinking. yet, i can't help it but just let myself fall deeper and deeper and trying to find some form of solace and comfort from within.
will you be there to save me or to end my misery.
-forgot my name at 7:22 PM
i'm such a fucked up shit i care more about other people's feelings rather than my own.
i'm just trying to be as invisible as i can.
-forgot my name at 12:19 AM
i'm so tired.
-forgot my name at 12:16 AM
fuck. the mood is back.
-forgot my name at 12:04 AM
haha a couple of things really cheered me up today.
one thing was hockey training on the pitch. had tons of fun just hitting around playing around although with a batch of new people.
another thing was that a hockey girl actually said something to me like 'you look like this friend of mine and he's quite cute' then she had to add something like 'oh not that i'm trying to say that you're cute or what'. that really made my day somehow. maybe cos it's the first time someone ever said that on my first meeting? hahaha
last thing is probably the msg dy sent me. was asking how were things between me and her. so i sorta said like i'm kinda living my own life now or rather trying to start one and he told me i haven't seemed so satisfied with myself in a long while :)
-forgot my name at 1:03 AM
hmm. since november is coming, i shall be greedy as ever and post a wishlist for my birthday here since i never really get what i want. haha
here goes:
a SLR camera.
a Patek Philippe Caltrava.
an alley bar membership card ($388 nett with two free liquors)
a car.
a PDA.
a sleek looking sling bag.
a new wallet.
a few pairs of jeans.
a box of cigars perhaps.
a nice lighter to complement the above.
a life.
-forgot my name at 10:05 PM
actually, maybe the answer is already smack right in my face. just that i refuse to see it and the people around me are too kind to say it.
i guess she probably finds me way too irritating and i'm just a paranoid dominating bastard who has nothing better to do every day except being emo and drinking.
cheers.
-forgot my name at 12:34 AM
-forgot my name at 10:23 PM
for the first time in my life, i almost witnessed someone dying.
note that i used the word almost because i have no idea if he's pulled through or no. it's one of the guys in the office beside mine. his colleagues found him collapsed on the floor and they found no way to revive him. was pretty bad cos he ended up having no pulse for more than 15 minutes. most of the people were quite desperate including myself cos it took ages for the ambulance to arrive and none of us are really well-trained in CPR techniques.
yet i was there, watching his face turn from pale white to purplish black. a myriad of thoughts were running through my mind somehow. ranging from cursing the ineffeciencies of the people to preparing his eulogy. you could see some of the ladies were crying already and the colleague of his who was so desperately trying to revive him walked over to one corner and broke down.
it was only until the ambulance came and they used the i-dunno-what-it-is-called and shocked him till they got a faint heartbeat back. it was pretty miraculous i have to say. they were already trying to figure out the time he fainted and probably to pronounce his actual time of death. i suppose that's what they call a clinical death. he's being rushed to the hospital immediately after that and i wonder how he is.
i just hope he pulls through.
-forgot my name at 8:00 PM
sorry had been busy with a lot of birthdays to really have time to update.
life's back to the normal mundane self. not too much excitement but it's where it should be.
still figuring out how to use the camera effectively i would say. no photos to be uploaded as of yet. or rather, nothing much that i would think it's good enough to be uploaded. will probably be starting out a different photoblog for the photos.
-forgot my name at 5:54 PM
this is a dream come true for me. got my Nikon D40x (Digital SLR) and i suppose this will be a beginning of a different aspect of my life. a life through a viewfinder.
next up would be to learn some photoshop skills i guess. not to say save up again to buy various accessories for better photography effects.
i'm still a complete retard when it comes to terms such as ISO Sensitivity, Aperture, Shutter Speed and Exposure. damn.
i'll try to get the software set up and all to upload some pictures here. maybe it's time for me to start a photojournal too. whoopass.
-forgot my name at 12:11 PM
this has gotta be the single most fucking expensive thing i ever pay with my own money. updates to come when i have the time. tomorrow perhaps.
-forgot my name at 11:49 PM
if i look back, then i am lost.
when i look forward, i am not found.
oh well at least i get one day of hari raya leave to clear as a make-up. gotta start marking out a good day on my calendar then.
-forgot my name at 7:53 PM
As we grow older, the fear of falling binds us to the very ground we stand upon. Our very own existence weighs upon us treading along with trepidation amidst the occult norms and stigmas of this society.
Shadows and regrets are but mere connotations that embodies the young and the old, the weak and the bold. Wherever we may soar, we are still trapped in this matrix hidden from plain view. Our mind and soul are entombed by the very education and morals that define us. Vi veri veniversum vivus vici. Yet, truth in itself has no meaning for it is already being incarcerated into the cast of what-is and what's-not.
Some say there is nothing to fear but fear itself. However, the more we live, the more fears appear to grip us by the stranglehold. We live and we seek to be free. We live, yet we fear. Could there be an end to this eternal struggle between the lightness and heaviness of being?
If only time could tell.
amazing how i could rant so much about life and existentialism when all that triggered this was a simple story about my friend who was learning how to cycle and how he feared to fall as he grew older. oh well.
-forgot my name at 10:11 PM
i lose a little bit of myself everyday.
yet i still haven't found what i'm looking for.
-forgot my name at 1:04 AM
i really wanna get a tattoo, a sandbag and a camera.
-forgot my name at 8:18 PM
Take what you will, what you will
And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me
If the world was on fire
and nothing was left but hope or desire
And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell
Or am I on the floor over-desperate?
Hold hands streaming of blood again?
And then take full weight of me
Guard my dreams, figure this out,
It's me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell
Will you stay strong as you promised?
Cause I'm stranded and bare.
Meanness is washed up in all that I am
is God. Take this and all,
Then grace takes me to a place
Of the father you never had
Ripping and breaking and tearing apart
This is not heaven
This is my hell.
Anberlin - *fin
and then i cried.
-forgot my name at 8:09 PM
i no longer know what i should be feeling.
for the rare few occasions in my life, i actually might have regretted being your friend in the first place. it screwed everything up.
i should have known it wasn't gonna be easy to transcend those ties.
fucking knnbccb.
-forgot my name at 12:08 AM
i'm just feeling kinda lost.
haven't had much of an idea what i've been doing for the past month or why i'm doing all those things.
i don't even know why i'm drinking so much or started smoking for that matters. it definitely was one thing i would never ever do yet here i am, doing it.
when one of my contractors asked me if i'm a smoker, i don't even know how i'm supposed to reply him. i smoke too little to be a smoker yet i do. this whole shit is messed up. my life is messed up.
here i am, still sitting and waiting for the call that probably would never come. it tears me apart at times, thinking about how i'm sinking. yet, i can't help it but just let myself fall deeper and deeper and trying to find some form of solace and comfort from within.
will you be there to save me or to end my misery.
-forgot my name at 7:22 PM
i'm such a fucked up shit i care more about other people's feelings rather than my own.
i'm just trying to be as invisible as i can.
-forgot my name at 12:19 AM
all i'm seeking is some kind of closure.
i'm so tired.
-forgot my name at 12:16 AM
fuck. the mood is back.
-forgot my name at 12:04 AM
haha a couple of things really cheered me up today.
one thing was hockey training on the pitch. had tons of fun just hitting around playing around although with a batch of new people.
another thing was that a hockey girl actually said something to me like 'you look like this friend of mine and he's quite cute' then she had to add something like 'oh not that i'm trying to say that you're cute or what'. that really made my day somehow. maybe cos it's the first time someone ever said that on my first meeting? hahaha
last thing is probably the msg dy sent me. was asking how were things between me and her. so i sorta said like i'm kinda living my own life now or rather trying to start one and he told me i haven't seemed so satisfied with myself in a long while :)
-forgot my name at 1:03 AM
hmm. since november is coming, i shall be greedy as ever and post a wishlist for my birthday here since i never really get what i want. haha
here goes:
a SLR camera.
a Patek Philippe Caltrava.
an alley bar membership card ($388 nett with two free liquors)
a car.
a PDA.
a sleek looking sling bag.
a new wallet.
a few pairs of jeans.
a box of cigars perhaps.
a nice lighter to complement the above.
a life.
-forgot my name at 10:05 PM
actually, maybe the answer is already smack right in my face. just that i refuse to see it and the people around me are too kind to say it.
i guess she probably finds me way too irritating and i'm just a paranoid dominating bastard who has nothing better to do every day except being emo and drinking.
cheers.
-forgot my name at 12:34 AM
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