name: zesin.
loves: life, music, photography.
- - - - - - - -
doppelganger.
- - - - - - - -
.: contact :.
- - - - - - - -
.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
- - - - - - - -
.: reads :.
- - - - - - - -
.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
- - - - - - - -
.: archive :.
- - - - - - - -
11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
loves: life, music, photography.
- - - - - - - -
doppelganger.
- - - - - - - -
.: contact :.
- - - - - - - -
.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
- - - - - - - -
.: reads :.
- - - - - - - -
.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
- - - - - - - -
.: archive :.
- - - - - - - -
11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
and so it has happened. i've failed to lead my team to glory once again. and this time it was an even more crushing defeat. the first match was a fluke and i honestly have nothing to say to that. next one we played more like a team and we lost to a better team. so no harsh feelings. no one is to blame for either defeat but somehow i felt the responsibility weighing down on me. cos this time everyone was looking up to me to create some magic. yet i wasn't able to. i'm not that great a player as they thought i am. honestly i'm not.
this was especially so after watching the few better teams play. i felt so insignificant over there. how little i've learnt and how little i'm able to do on the pitch. maybe i wasn't suited for playing central midfielder. i don't know what went wrong honestly. one of the hockey seniors was very encouraging cos he told me i have a good team this year and we could do it. yet somehow everything fell short of my expectations. most of them are still thinking that hockey can be an individual game but it simply is not. the mentality of the team is not there it seems and it makes things hard. i really don't know man.
the senior at hall 6 is still extending then invitation for me to go to his hall next year. i'm pretty much like whatever if you ask me. and it's pretty encouraging to hear something a senior told me yesterday. he said that it doesn't matter if you switch halls cos it's hard for you to feel really attached to a hall in just a year and it might be good if you switch over to some other more happening halls. i honestly do agree with him cos the people here somehow have the mentality that if you switch hall after this year then you'll be like a traitor or something. but i feel that if you just randomly switch halls you get to meet new people too. i really don't see the point in them always talking about traitors and all. it's like so...what the fuck.
-forgot my name at 11:52 AM
this was especially so after watching the few better teams play. i felt so insignificant over there. how little i've learnt and how little i'm able to do on the pitch. maybe i wasn't suited for playing central midfielder. i don't know what went wrong honestly. one of the hockey seniors was very encouraging cos he told me i have a good team this year and we could do it. yet somehow everything fell short of my expectations. most of them are still thinking that hockey can be an individual game but it simply is not. the mentality of the team is not there it seems and it makes things hard. i really don't know man.
the senior at hall 6 is still extending then invitation for me to go to his hall next year. i'm pretty much like whatever if you ask me. and it's pretty encouraging to hear something a senior told me yesterday. he said that it doesn't matter if you switch halls cos it's hard for you to feel really attached to a hall in just a year and it might be good if you switch over to some other more happening halls. i honestly do agree with him cos the people here somehow have the mentality that if you switch hall after this year then you'll be like a traitor or something. but i feel that if you just randomly switch halls you get to meet new people too. i really don't see the point in them always talking about traitors and all. it's like so...what the fuck.
-forgot my name at 11:52 AM
christmas came and passed in just a blink of an eye. it doesn't have much of a special meaning for me and many others somehow. i was with my group of guys and we were just boozing at zexi's place and we were kinda like lamenting about not really feeling the christmas mood. i guess as we get older we kinda forget how to celebrate all these kinda shit.
was leaving town after watching king kong with dick yesterday and we noticed the crowds that were pouring into town at 10pm. it's kinda interesting to note that most of the crowds are like small kids. not as in real small kids but they just kinda look so young and so...tender. haha what a word huh. those kids doing all their usual squatting around in some corners and just moving with the flow and i honestly do wonder where all the crowd is heading to. of course there would be some buayas around who would get those foam spraying shit and start spraying at girls just to hear them scream in order to satisfy their lust. and then there would be another group who would be camping near 7-11 or any other place which sells booze and try ways and means to get either of their friends to buy some beer or those i dunno what alcoholic drinks. i honestly don't understand their point. i guess it'd make them seem more cool than their peers holding a tiger beer can in their hands rather than a can of green tea.
oh yeah and i was saying. i was boozing with the buncha guys about 5 of us. there were all sorts of booze available and it seemed almost like free flow cos it was some sorta family christmas party at zexi's place and they're pretty open about boozing cos ya know those chinese business family thing. we had beer and wine and some chivas for a starter. ok the chivas tasted like fuck i don't know why. it's not those smooth chivas but those choking kind. so yeah i didn't drink much of that. i just tah most of the wine. haha. i seriously wanted to get drunk just this once. just to be wilful once more. i tried. after the 1st round of boozing we ate some stuff talk cork and went for some prata. the 2nd round was only left with 3 of us cos zexi had to go camp the next morning which was today in fact. so we started tah-ing the green apple flavored vodka in zexi's room. haha it doesn't taste that bad. it's still pretty much like absolut vodka just that the green apple taste lingers in your mouth and you'd burp green apple flavor every so often. we were just talking so much crap last night and kinda shared some personal opinions on so many things. mainly bout love, sex and violence. so you get my drift. of course i didn' rout spout nonsensical stuff or any dark secrets within cos i seem to hold my liquor well. after bout 8 rounds of shots dick started tellin more bout himself. pretty nice that he shared this amongst us but the only bad thing was that he didn't know he told us that the next morning. haha. then slowly one by one they drifted off to sleep and it was me still standing once again. yeah i admit i was very close to gettin drunk after about 11 or 12 shots i lost count. probably 2 more shots would do the trick. but it was at that point of time that i understood the saying: 借酒消愁愁更愁. the loneliness creeping in was simply unbearable man. and yeah i was doing lotsa thinking and in the end i drifted off to sleep too.
then met up with ding and co for some small christmas gathering at his place. pretty cool to see all of us turning up over there although it was like only 7 of us but the feeling was special somehow. haha. it was nice to meet up with all of them =) no more boozing after that. i don't wanna destroy my liver at such a young age. i'll probably be detoxing over the next 2 weeks to cleanse my body man.
there are simply too many questions which i have no answer for. i am beginning to falter i feel. i need to talk to someone. not just anyone. but someone. out there.
-forgot my name at 10:00 PM
scream my lungs out.
i'm really tired. from all the going ons at hall and all the other upcoming xmas activities. i'm not really a xmas guy. it ain't something really worth celebrating cos i don't know what's there to celebrate about. jesus has got nothing to do with me and i don't really know him that well too. everywhere's muthafucking packed with people and it gives me headache just to move around. even all the nice songs on radio are replaced with all the shitty xmas songs which sings praise to the lord or talking about the bells ringing or snow falling. what's new man. these songs have gotten so irritating to the point that i've switched to listening to 95.8FM recently.
inter hall games are more or less coming to an end and so is my fucking december holidays. yeah maybe you're right. the fact that i can't be in control of my own time and plan my freaking schedule for this holiday piss me off to no end. results are out. i've gotten real crappy results. and i seriously what have i done wrong man. maybe i should be happy. at least i passed all the modules. maybe i should be sad. cos i got real crappy grades with a lot of b, c, and even a d. probably i didn't work as hard but i'm just gettin so disillusioned man. as usual, all the slackers around me have gotten better grades than me. oh fuck. maybe i should just quit school and quit this life of mine and hibernate in a cave. maybe there ain't even anything to be sad or happy about. life goes on.
i really feel like crying man. not because i'm really that sad or anything. but just to cry for the sake of crying out loud. oh fuck this sounds spastic. i don't know how to cry anymore. don't know how to love anymore. don't know how to be happy anymore. fuck this shit bitch.
don't come and screw me up no more man. i'm already as screwed as it is. so fuck me and fuck you too.
-forgot my name at 9:53 PM
i'm really tired. really tired. of a lot of things. there are times when i just feel like breaking down and crying my heart out. fucking hell that sounds damn wussy i know but that's kinda just what i'm going through now. it's even worse than the exam period. how i wish it was the exam period where everyone would just leave me alone and let me do my own stuff at my own time.
and just who do you think you are, coming into my room talking to me in that manner giving me that attitude of yours with that smug look on your face asking me. 'just what the hell do you think you're doing?' wow. i'll remember that.
-forgot my name at 4:02 AM
ok. it's been over a week since my last paper. and there are some things that i'm not happy about. first and foremost, i'm not happy that i ain't happy. don't ask me why. i just can't find a reason to be happy. probably there's just too much things for me to do even after the exams which kinda pisses me off.
next up, my modem's been real screwed up or is it my internet connection. i don't really know. i don't even feel like goin to msn and chat with anyone. it's just one of those times whereby you just wanna be left alone and not let anyone talk to you. or rather not just anyone.
another thing which i don't know why but it bothers me a lot. why the fuck is there a rabbit doing outside your house as you told me that day. i don't know why it bothers me but i just don't like the idea of you suddenly having a rabbit cos i have one too. and maybe it not only bothers me, it's disturbing. don't ask me why. i don't freaking see why you ought to go catch that rabbit in the first place. maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's bad. i don't wanna know man. whatever makes you happy man.
i'm just being a bitch down here. so i'm like whatever.
it's getting harder and harder to breathe.
-forgot my name at 2:58 AM
this was especially so after watching the few better teams play. i felt so insignificant over there. how little i've learnt and how little i'm able to do on the pitch. maybe i wasn't suited for playing central midfielder. i don't know what went wrong honestly. one of the hockey seniors was very encouraging cos he told me i have a good team this year and we could do it. yet somehow everything fell short of my expectations. most of them are still thinking that hockey can be an individual game but it simply is not. the mentality of the team is not there it seems and it makes things hard. i really don't know man.
the senior at hall 6 is still extending then invitation for me to go to his hall next year. i'm pretty much like whatever if you ask me. and it's pretty encouraging to hear something a senior told me yesterday. he said that it doesn't matter if you switch halls cos it's hard for you to feel really attached to a hall in just a year and it might be good if you switch over to some other more happening halls. i honestly do agree with him cos the people here somehow have the mentality that if you switch hall after this year then you'll be like a traitor or something. but i feel that if you just randomly switch halls you get to meet new people too. i really don't see the point in them always talking about traitors and all. it's like so...what the fuck.
-forgot my name at 11:52 AM
and so it has happened. i've failed to lead my team to glory once again. and this time it was an even more crushing defeat. the first match was a fluke and i honestly have nothing to say to that. next one we played more like a team and we lost to a better team. so no harsh feelings. no one is to blame for either defeat but somehow i felt the responsibility weighing down on me. cos this time everyone was looking up to me to create some magic. yet i wasn't able to. i'm not that great a player as they thought i am. honestly i'm not.
this was especially so after watching the few better teams play. i felt so insignificant over there. how little i've learnt and how little i'm able to do on the pitch. maybe i wasn't suited for playing central midfielder. i don't know what went wrong honestly. one of the hockey seniors was very encouraging cos he told me i have a good team this year and we could do it. yet somehow everything fell short of my expectations. most of them are still thinking that hockey can be an individual game but it simply is not. the mentality of the team is not there it seems and it makes things hard. i really don't know man.
the senior at hall 6 is still extending then invitation for me to go to his hall next year. i'm pretty much like whatever if you ask me. and it's pretty encouraging to hear something a senior told me yesterday. he said that it doesn't matter if you switch halls cos it's hard for you to feel really attached to a hall in just a year and it might be good if you switch over to some other more happening halls. i honestly do agree with him cos the people here somehow have the mentality that if you switch hall after this year then you'll be like a traitor or something. but i feel that if you just randomly switch halls you get to meet new people too. i really don't see the point in them always talking about traitors and all. it's like so...what the fuck.
-forgot my name at 11:52 AM
christmas came and passed in just a blink of an eye. it doesn't have much of a special meaning for me and many others somehow. i was with my group of guys and we were just boozing at zexi's place and we were kinda like lamenting about not really feeling the christmas mood. i guess as we get older we kinda forget how to celebrate all these kinda shit.
was leaving town after watching king kong with dick yesterday and we noticed the crowds that were pouring into town at 10pm. it's kinda interesting to note that most of the crowds are like small kids. not as in real small kids but they just kinda look so young and so...tender. haha what a word huh. those kids doing all their usual squatting around in some corners and just moving with the flow and i honestly do wonder where all the crowd is heading to. of course there would be some buayas around who would get those foam spraying shit and start spraying at girls just to hear them scream in order to satisfy their lust. and then there would be another group who would be camping near 7-11 or any other place which sells booze and try ways and means to get either of their friends to buy some beer or those i dunno what alcoholic drinks. i honestly don't understand their point. i guess it'd make them seem more cool than their peers holding a tiger beer can in their hands rather than a can of green tea.
oh yeah and i was saying. i was boozing with the buncha guys about 5 of us. there were all sorts of booze available and it seemed almost like free flow cos it was some sorta family christmas party at zexi's place and they're pretty open about boozing cos ya know those chinese business family thing. we had beer and wine and some chivas for a starter. ok the chivas tasted like fuck i don't know why. it's not those smooth chivas but those choking kind. so yeah i didn't drink much of that. i just tah most of the wine. haha. i seriously wanted to get drunk just this once. just to be wilful once more. i tried. after the 1st round of boozing we ate some stuff talk cork and went for some prata. the 2nd round was only left with 3 of us cos zexi had to go camp the next morning which was today in fact. so we started tah-ing the green apple flavored vodka in zexi's room. haha it doesn't taste that bad. it's still pretty much like absolut vodka just that the green apple taste lingers in your mouth and you'd burp green apple flavor every so often. we were just talking so much crap last night and kinda shared some personal opinions on so many things. mainly bout love, sex and violence. so you get my drift. of course i didn' rout spout nonsensical stuff or any dark secrets within cos i seem to hold my liquor well. after bout 8 rounds of shots dick started tellin more bout himself. pretty nice that he shared this amongst us but the only bad thing was that he didn't know he told us that the next morning. haha. then slowly one by one they drifted off to sleep and it was me still standing once again. yeah i admit i was very close to gettin drunk after about 11 or 12 shots i lost count. probably 2 more shots would do the trick. but it was at that point of time that i understood the saying: 借酒消愁愁更愁. the loneliness creeping in was simply unbearable man. and yeah i was doing lotsa thinking and in the end i drifted off to sleep too.
then met up with ding and co for some small christmas gathering at his place. pretty cool to see all of us turning up over there although it was like only 7 of us but the feeling was special somehow. haha. it was nice to meet up with all of them =) no more boozing after that. i don't wanna destroy my liver at such a young age. i'll probably be detoxing over the next 2 weeks to cleanse my body man.
there are simply too many questions which i have no answer for. i am beginning to falter i feel. i need to talk to someone. not just anyone. but someone. out there.
-forgot my name at 10:00 PM
scream my lungs out.
i'm really tired. from all the going ons at hall and all the other upcoming xmas activities. i'm not really a xmas guy. it ain't something really worth celebrating cos i don't know what's there to celebrate about. jesus has got nothing to do with me and i don't really know him that well too. everywhere's muthafucking packed with people and it gives me headache just to move around. even all the nice songs on radio are replaced with all the shitty xmas songs which sings praise to the lord or talking about the bells ringing or snow falling. what's new man. these songs have gotten so irritating to the point that i've switched to listening to 95.8FM recently.
inter hall games are more or less coming to an end and so is my fucking december holidays. yeah maybe you're right. the fact that i can't be in control of my own time and plan my freaking schedule for this holiday piss me off to no end. results are out. i've gotten real crappy results. and i seriously what have i done wrong man. maybe i should be happy. at least i passed all the modules. maybe i should be sad. cos i got real crappy grades with a lot of b, c, and even a d. probably i didn't work as hard but i'm just gettin so disillusioned man. as usual, all the slackers around me have gotten better grades than me. oh fuck. maybe i should just quit school and quit this life of mine and hibernate in a cave. maybe there ain't even anything to be sad or happy about. life goes on.
i really feel like crying man. not because i'm really that sad or anything. but just to cry for the sake of crying out loud. oh fuck this sounds spastic. i don't know how to cry anymore. don't know how to love anymore. don't know how to be happy anymore. fuck this shit bitch.
don't come and screw me up no more man. i'm already as screwed as it is. so fuck me and fuck you too.
-forgot my name at 9:53 PM
i'm really tired. really tired. of a lot of things. there are times when i just feel like breaking down and crying my heart out. fucking hell that sounds damn wussy i know but that's kinda just what i'm going through now. it's even worse than the exam period. how i wish it was the exam period where everyone would just leave me alone and let me do my own stuff at my own time.
and just who do you think you are, coming into my room talking to me in that manner giving me that attitude of yours with that smug look on your face asking me. 'just what the hell do you think you're doing?' wow. i'll remember that.
-forgot my name at 4:02 AM
ok. it's been over a week since my last paper. and there are some things that i'm not happy about. first and foremost, i'm not happy that i ain't happy. don't ask me why. i just can't find a reason to be happy. probably there's just too much things for me to do even after the exams which kinda pisses me off.
next up, my modem's been real screwed up or is it my internet connection. i don't really know. i don't even feel like goin to msn and chat with anyone. it's just one of those times whereby you just wanna be left alone and not let anyone talk to you. or rather not just anyone.
another thing which i don't know why but it bothers me a lot. why the fuck is there a rabbit doing outside your house as you told me that day. i don't know why it bothers me but i just don't like the idea of you suddenly having a rabbit cos i have one too. and maybe it not only bothers me, it's disturbing. don't ask me why. i don't freaking see why you ought to go catch that rabbit in the first place. maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's bad. i don't wanna know man. whatever makes you happy man.
i'm just being a bitch down here. so i'm like whatever.
it's getting harder and harder to breathe.
-forgot my name at 2:58 AM
.:Web Counter:.
- - - - - - -
