name: zesin.
loves: life, music, photography.
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doppelganger.
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loves: life, music, photography.
- - - - - - - -
doppelganger.
- - - - - - - -
.: contact :.
- - - - - - - -
.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
- - - - - - - -
.: reads :.
- - - - - - - -
.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
- - - - - - - -
.: archive :.
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11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
when you're around.
just kinda got a lil bit emotional after reading my friend's blog. i never knew he was going through such a thing maybe cos i didn't really know him for long. but it really touched my heart to see his msn nick as 'dad, i miss you.....'
it never occurred to me that this kinda stuff happened to him cos my first and only impression of him was that he's always the jovial and great guy around the block. i wouldn't say i feel sorry for him man. cos i believe he's living his life the way he thinks he should and definitely trying his best to lead a happy life. i'm really proud to have a friend like him if you ask me. and i do admire his spirit. yes i do.
it's things like that makes you feel that your family is the most important thing in your life and that you should never take them for granted. ever. i try my best to spend as much time with my family members and i believe it ain't the quantity but the quality that counts. you could be at home the whole day but everyone's locked up in their respective rooms doing their own stuff then there ain't no point man. that's why everytime i come home i make it a point to sit down at night after dinner just to watch tv with my mum and try to strike up some sorta conversation with her. talking about whatever stuff. although they might not be verbally supportive of many things which i might be doing, they sure give me enough freedom pursue the things i want. and i'm really grateful for that. they try to give me the best they could since young and i hope they'd still be around for me to give them the best i could. please do be.
-forgot my name at 5:48 PM
i'm just too addicted to that song. it won't last for long i know. but just let me enjoy it while i'm still hooked onto it. "i don't know what i want but at least i know what i should do." as quoted from my friend. that sounds pretty apt for me too. interesting.
oh yeah and i just so love hanging around with the bunch of guys. somehow i get to speak a lot more english with them rather than being in the freaking university man. everyone seems to be speaking chinese over there. that's like crazy. it ain't that i'm a potato or something man but i just feel more comfortable conversing with my friends in english i don't know why. probably it's some advice long embedded in my mind by my parents: try to speak to your more often in english cos you won't be able to practise it at home.
and another thing that i love being around them is that they always set me thinking. be it from politics to natural disasters or karma sutra. they're really an interesting lot. we seldom do talk about human behaviours or gossips cos there ain't nothing much to talk about. whereas people in hall somehow do enjoy that sorta stuff. i don't know man. won't you help me out yeah...lalala
-forgot my name at 3:18 AM
oh man. a great day today. probably cos i managed to do get a whole lotta things done. met up with my guys for shopping for zexi's birthday present. actually ain't that hard to figure out what he likes cos i've been hanging out with him pretty often recently. got him a which i remembered he said he would like so it ended up pretty well. met up with him and the rest of the crew for more shoppin around and we tried out some new chinese restaurant at the bugis area which was not that bad but it ain't that kinda filling somehow. damn.
oh and i finally got to do what i was gonna do a long time ago. it's a bit late to do this sorta thing i must say but oh well, at least i've done what i've set out to do. dinesh went for ear-piercing and i promised him i was gonna do it with him so yeap here i am. feeling less complete over at the left side of my ear but whatever it didn't turn out as bad as i thought it would. i ain't pretty happy nor do i regret the decision to do it cos i was intending to do it a long time ago but due to objections from some parties i didn't go ahead with the plan. i'm just planning to see when i'm able to afford to get a real diamond stud for that hole. that oughta be nice. we checked out a couple of jewellery shops around bugis area and seems like Lee Hwa is having some sorta sale. There's this pair of diamond studs which costs 12k plus and it's being reduced to a mere 5.2k now. seems a pretty good bargain. deepavali, hari raya and christmas is coming up. so you guys get my hint. =)
interesting to know so many people still frequent my blog these days. probably ain't really that many. i only get bout 10 over page views a day i suppose. most are here cos they've been searchin for some elusive song lyrics and it just so happens i've posted them on my blog before so yeah.
hmm. haven't really been hanging around town for such a long time like today actually. kinda noticed a lotta interesting things around. apparently town's being invaded with quite a lot of ah bengs these days or at least funky balls is. all the people there are either bengs or whatsoever and they all seem just over 16 to me. man. they've finally learnt to come out of their neighbourhood after 16 years. good for them but let's hope they would be able to upgrade their image as bengs. i don't really have anything against their fashion sense or whatsoever but at least please make yourselves seem more knowledgeable. i don't know how man. figure it out yourself.
zexi asked me a few times 'where's my bitch man? where's my bitch?". i looked into his eyes when he said that and i really wished i could help him man. i feel bad for not being able to do as much as i'd wish to for him cos i know he's all jaded cos of all these shit that he's going through. i really hope he can pull through and come outta it stronger man. if he ever reads this post, to his question i'll probably answer "screw the bitches man. what you need is us."
oh yeah and saw pretty lots of couples hanging around town too. guess it's because i'm in that kinda "awww love. screw it." mood that i've begun noticing more and more of these shit around me. ah just a follow up to my previous entry cos i talked about some things that happened in the past. sometimes memories just seems extra clear to you even after a long time, as though the event just happened right before your eyes. of course, i choose to walk this tunnel by myself, by choice. i just feel that it's my shit, my problem. i should be the one who oughta be sorting this shit out and not implicating anybody else would be the ideal situation. i don't know why but this scene of the past just keeps recurring to my mind. it left a deep impression on me i have no idea why. i'll just narrate it down here for your reference. it was the time when i told her i wanted to breakup with her. i guess both of us were crying or at least i think i remember she was. we were on the phone. she said: "tell me you don't love me anymore." and at that point i told her what she wanted to hear: "i don't love you anymore." yet at that instant i realized i actually still felt something for her.
oh and my mum didn't screw me about the ear-piercing i got. she just commented it looks ugly. but most of the stuff that i find nice she would find it ugly so it's just a conflict of interest here and i shall ignore her comments. =)
-forgot my name at 1:54 AM
all these things that i have done.
well, it's been quite a while since i've really blogged. probably i've finally come to realized why i haven't got the time to do this for so long. ain't been able to find time for myself and really myself for a long time. it's just this week that i'm able to just sit in my room trying to do my own revision without much disturbances from people around the hall. what have i been busy with? i don't really know man. been busy doing this and that, moving around the hall constantly. hardly having the time to really sit down at this lil corner in my room and sort out my deranged mind.
people have been asking me questions. people have been concerned. but i have no answers. it's just that people around me these days are finding it rather necessary or somewhat befitting to get involved in a relationship and the fact that i'm not and ain't planning to start one bewilders them. to most or in fact all of the people who have asked me why, i have simply said that i ain't got no time for that shit. it's true to a certain extent that i really ain't got no time scheduled for a relationship. i'm still hoping to get my 1st class honors or at least a 2nd upper at the end of four years. i'm not here to waste 20k and get a crappy degree man. that's gotta be my first priority. another major part of my time would be spent on all the friends around me. it's just like when you're emotionally involved with another single being, you're unable to channel as much energy to that many other people. so effectively your social circle shrinks considerably which ain't that good a thing in my opinion. ah well let's move on.
it's like another major point that i haven't brought up to anyone would probably be that actually i don't know how to fall in love once again. it sounds crappy but i don't know how. i've been single for so long i've forgotten what it's like to be involved in a relationship once again. of course there are its ups and its downs. but memories are buried somewhere deep within me and i don't really intend to dig it all up. let's just say my sub-conscious mind has formed a barrier of its own to prevent myself from being hurt or hurting others once more. ok i just had my supper. so let's continue.
apparently it's a small world that we live in these days. why? interesting to know that my ex had stayed in the same hall i'm staying in and she's currently staying at the hall next to mine and a couple of friends that i've known over these few months are actually her classmates and all. this has gotta be the greatest joke man. i've been tryin to stay clear of her path and yet it all crashes down on me. maybe i'm just being paranoid. and of course because of her appearance, some people around here has gotten to know about me and her relationship previously and usually the first thing that would come out of their mouth is: so you and her still possible or not ah? it's not as if they know what had happened previously man. i'm not blaming them for anything man. and somehow most of them would think that she was the one to break off with me which i totally have no idea why. do i have that sorta loser face who always gets ditched by girls or what man. nah that didn't bother me much. there's no honor in doing something like that anyway.
there are much more stuff i would have to consider if i were to get involved in a relationship. there simply ain't any point to start one just to end it a couple of months later. i ain't no singaporean man. to get a girlfriend who's a singaporean would pose pretty much problems over where i or she oughta be moving to in the later parts of our lives. one thing's for sure. i ain't gonna leave my family behind. i don't know if i'd still be in malaysia or singapore in the future cos every now and then the topic of migration would come out and it probably would become a must in the future cos the stability of my home country doesn't seem able to last for a long time. i don't know. i gotta take care of my future and all. i gotta achieve something out of this life of mine so i can fulfill my dream. my dream? i talked about it before. shall not repeat. there's just too much variable factors in my life at the moment. i foresaw it all. that's why it had to end. i couldn't see no light at the end of the tunnel man. of course, i'm still walking aimlessly in the tunnel at the moment. by myself.
-forgot my name at 12:44 AM
god. i just hate birthdays.
-forgot my name at 3:57 AM
and so you know.
god. i'm so muthafucking inspired to do boxing man. how come? the contender series has me absolutely amazed and there's this mtv i watched that inspired me also. fuck. i need to get a sandbag in my house soon. damn it.
-forgot my name at 12:56 PM
just kinda got a lil bit emotional after reading my friend's blog. i never knew he was going through such a thing maybe cos i didn't really know him for long. but it really touched my heart to see his msn nick as 'dad, i miss you.....'
it never occurred to me that this kinda stuff happened to him cos my first and only impression of him was that he's always the jovial and great guy around the block. i wouldn't say i feel sorry for him man. cos i believe he's living his life the way he thinks he should and definitely trying his best to lead a happy life. i'm really proud to have a friend like him if you ask me. and i do admire his spirit. yes i do.
it's things like that makes you feel that your family is the most important thing in your life and that you should never take them for granted. ever. i try my best to spend as much time with my family members and i believe it ain't the quantity but the quality that counts. you could be at home the whole day but everyone's locked up in their respective rooms doing their own stuff then there ain't no point man. that's why everytime i come home i make it a point to sit down at night after dinner just to watch tv with my mum and try to strike up some sorta conversation with her. talking about whatever stuff. although they might not be verbally supportive of many things which i might be doing, they sure give me enough freedom pursue the things i want. and i'm really grateful for that. they try to give me the best they could since young and i hope they'd still be around for me to give them the best i could. please do be.
-forgot my name at 5:48 PM
you know you gotta help me out.
i'm just too addicted to that song. it won't last for long i know. but just let me enjoy it while i'm still hooked onto it. "i don't know what i want but at least i know what i should do." as quoted from my friend. that sounds pretty apt for me too. interesting.
oh yeah and i just so love hanging around with the bunch of guys. somehow i get to speak a lot more english with them rather than being in the freaking university man. everyone seems to be speaking chinese over there. that's like crazy. it ain't that i'm a potato or something man but i just feel more comfortable conversing with my friends in english i don't know why. probably it's some advice long embedded in my mind by my parents: try to speak to your more often in english cos you won't be able to practise it at home.
and another thing that i love being around them is that they always set me thinking. be it from politics to natural disasters or karma sutra. they're really an interesting lot. we seldom do talk about human behaviours or gossips cos there ain't nothing much to talk about. whereas people in hall somehow do enjoy that sorta stuff. i don't know man. won't you help me out yeah...lalala
-forgot my name at 3:18 AM
time, truth, hearts.
oh man. a great day today. probably cos i managed to do get a whole lotta things done. met up with my guys for shopping for zexi's birthday present. actually ain't that hard to figure out what he likes cos i've been hanging out with him pretty often recently. got him a which i remembered he said he would like so it ended up pretty well. met up with him and the rest of the crew for more shoppin around and we tried out some new chinese restaurant at the bugis area which was not that bad but it ain't that kinda filling somehow. damn.
oh and i finally got to do what i was gonna do a long time ago. it's a bit late to do this sorta thing i must say but oh well, at least i've done what i've set out to do. dinesh went for ear-piercing and i promised him i was gonna do it with him so yeap here i am. feeling less complete over at the left side of my ear but whatever it didn't turn out as bad as i thought it would. i ain't pretty happy nor do i regret the decision to do it cos i was intending to do it a long time ago but due to objections from some parties i didn't go ahead with the plan. i'm just planning to see when i'm able to afford to get a real diamond stud for that hole. that oughta be nice. we checked out a couple of jewellery shops around bugis area and seems like Lee Hwa is having some sorta sale. There's this pair of diamond studs which costs 12k plus and it's being reduced to a mere 5.2k now. seems a pretty good bargain. deepavali, hari raya and christmas is coming up. so you guys get my hint. =)
interesting to know so many people still frequent my blog these days. probably ain't really that many. i only get bout 10 over page views a day i suppose. most are here cos they've been searchin for some elusive song lyrics and it just so happens i've posted them on my blog before so yeah.
hmm. haven't really been hanging around town for such a long time like today actually. kinda noticed a lotta interesting things around. apparently town's being invaded with quite a lot of ah bengs these days or at least funky balls is. all the people there are either bengs or whatsoever and they all seem just over 16 to me. man. they've finally learnt to come out of their neighbourhood after 16 years. good for them but let's hope they would be able to upgrade their image as bengs. i don't really have anything against their fashion sense or whatsoever but at least please make yourselves seem more knowledgeable. i don't know how man. figure it out yourself.
zexi asked me a few times 'where's my bitch man? where's my bitch?". i looked into his eyes when he said that and i really wished i could help him man. i feel bad for not being able to do as much as i'd wish to for him cos i know he's all jaded cos of all these shit that he's going through. i really hope he can pull through and come outta it stronger man. if he ever reads this post, to his question i'll probably answer "screw the bitches man. what you need is us."
oh yeah and saw pretty lots of couples hanging around town too. guess it's because i'm in that kinda "awww love. screw it." mood that i've begun noticing more and more of these shit around me. ah just a follow up to my previous entry cos i talked about some things that happened in the past. sometimes memories just seems extra clear to you even after a long time, as though the event just happened right before your eyes. of course, i choose to walk this tunnel by myself, by choice. i just feel that it's my shit, my problem. i should be the one who oughta be sorting this shit out and not implicating anybody else would be the ideal situation. i don't know why but this scene of the past just keeps recurring to my mind. it left a deep impression on me i have no idea why. i'll just narrate it down here for your reference. it was the time when i told her i wanted to breakup with her. i guess both of us were crying or at least i think i remember she was. we were on the phone. she said: "tell me you don't love me anymore." and at that point i told her what she wanted to hear: "i don't love you anymore." yet at that instant i realized i actually still felt something for her.
oh and my mum didn't screw me about the ear-piercing i got. she just commented it looks ugly. but most of the stuff that i find nice she would find it ugly so it's just a conflict of interest here and i shall ignore her comments. =)
-forgot my name at 1:54 AM
all these things that i have done.
well, it's been quite a while since i've really blogged. probably i've finally come to realized why i haven't got the time to do this for so long. ain't been able to find time for myself and really myself for a long time. it's just this week that i'm able to just sit in my room trying to do my own revision without much disturbances from people around the hall. what have i been busy with? i don't really know man. been busy doing this and that, moving around the hall constantly. hardly having the time to really sit down at this lil corner in my room and sort out my deranged mind.
people have been asking me questions. people have been concerned. but i have no answers. it's just that people around me these days are finding it rather necessary or somewhat befitting to get involved in a relationship and the fact that i'm not and ain't planning to start one bewilders them. to most or in fact all of the people who have asked me why, i have simply said that i ain't got no time for that shit. it's true to a certain extent that i really ain't got no time scheduled for a relationship. i'm still hoping to get my 1st class honors or at least a 2nd upper at the end of four years. i'm not here to waste 20k and get a crappy degree man. that's gotta be my first priority. another major part of my time would be spent on all the friends around me. it's just like when you're emotionally involved with another single being, you're unable to channel as much energy to that many other people. so effectively your social circle shrinks considerably which ain't that good a thing in my opinion. ah well let's move on.
it's like another major point that i haven't brought up to anyone would probably be that actually i don't know how to fall in love once again. it sounds crappy but i don't know how. i've been single for so long i've forgotten what it's like to be involved in a relationship once again. of course there are its ups and its downs. but memories are buried somewhere deep within me and i don't really intend to dig it all up. let's just say my sub-conscious mind has formed a barrier of its own to prevent myself from being hurt or hurting others once more. ok i just had my supper. so let's continue.
apparently it's a small world that we live in these days. why? interesting to know that my ex had stayed in the same hall i'm staying in and she's currently staying at the hall next to mine and a couple of friends that i've known over these few months are actually her classmates and all. this has gotta be the greatest joke man. i've been tryin to stay clear of her path and yet it all crashes down on me. maybe i'm just being paranoid. and of course because of her appearance, some people around here has gotten to know about me and her relationship previously and usually the first thing that would come out of their mouth is: so you and her still possible or not ah? it's not as if they know what had happened previously man. i'm not blaming them for anything man. and somehow most of them would think that she was the one to break off with me which i totally have no idea why. do i have that sorta loser face who always gets ditched by girls or what man. nah that didn't bother me much. there's no honor in doing something like that anyway.
there are much more stuff i would have to consider if i were to get involved in a relationship. there simply ain't any point to start one just to end it a couple of months later. i ain't no singaporean man. to get a girlfriend who's a singaporean would pose pretty much problems over where i or she oughta be moving to in the later parts of our lives. one thing's for sure. i ain't gonna leave my family behind. i don't know if i'd still be in malaysia or singapore in the future cos every now and then the topic of migration would come out and it probably would become a must in the future cos the stability of my home country doesn't seem able to last for a long time. i don't know. i gotta take care of my future and all. i gotta achieve something out of this life of mine so i can fulfill my dream. my dream? i talked about it before. shall not repeat. there's just too much variable factors in my life at the moment. i foresaw it all. that's why it had to end. i couldn't see no light at the end of the tunnel man. of course, i'm still walking aimlessly in the tunnel at the moment. by myself.
-forgot my name at 12:44 AM
god. i just hate birthdays.
-forgot my name at 3:57 AM
and so you know.
god. i'm so muthafucking inspired to do boxing man. how come? the contender series has me absolutely amazed and there's this mtv i watched that inspired me also. fuck. i need to get a sandbag in my house soon. damn it.
-forgot my name at 12:56 PM
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