Sunday, April 27, 2003

You're the goaleeper! It's three against one with
you guarding the goals. You don't scare easily
and you perservere to the end. You won't let
your team down. Go you!

Actually, the goalie is the antisocial misfit who
never wanted to play team sports anyway.
Tends to have a low opinion of defenders and,
rather than issuing helpful commands from their
'D', moans loudly every time the defense even
looks like letting one through. They only play
in goal because of the pleasure they take from
preventing others from scoring and thereby
enjoying themselves.

Another type of goalie is the extrovert show-off.
Spends a lot of time diving and sliding about.
Has a tendency to play near the top of the
circle because they want to feel a part of
things. Is as likely to tackle their own
defender in the 'D'. Shouts a lot, often at
people at the other end of the field. Becomes
moody and irritable when their defenders are on
top and the goalie has nothing to do.

All goalies, of whatever type, are incapable of
being at fault when a goal is scored, the mere
fact of a goal-scoring opportunity is proof
that the defense is solely to blame.


What Field Hockey Position Should You Play?
brought to you by Quizilla

-forgot my name at 9:51 PM

What month should you have been born in?

this quiz was made by Erin

-forgot my name at 3:05 PM

Midnight - You are a deep thinker, always searching
for answers and never quite at home. You are
very contemplative, and enjoy being alone with
your thoughts.


When are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 3:03 PM

Thursday, April 17, 2003

Hot Dog

ladies and gentlemen
introducing the chocolate starfish and the hot dog-flavored water
bring it on get the fuck up yeah check one,
two listen up listen up here we go it's a fucked up world
a fucked up place everybody's judged by their fucked up face
fucked up dreams fucked up life a fucked up kid
with a fucked up knife fucked up moms and fucked up dads
a fucked up cop with a fucked up badge fucked up job
with fucked up pay and a fucked up boss is a fucked up day
fucked up press and fucked up lies while lethal's in the back
with fucked up eyes hey, it's on everybody knows it's on hey,
it's on everybody knows it's on ain't it a shame
that you can't say fuck fuck's just a word and it's all fucked up
like a fucked up punk with a fucked up mouth
a nine-inch nail - get knocked the fuck out fucked up aids
from fucked up sex fake-assed titties on a fucked up chest
we're all fucked up so, what cha wanna do?
with fucked up me and fucked up you you wanna fuck me
like an animal you like to burn me on the inside you
like to think i'm a perfect drug just know that nothing you do
will bring you closer to me ain't life a bitch a fucked up ditch
a fucked up sore with a fucked up stitch a fucked up head is
a fucked up shame swingin' on my nuts
it's a fucked up gamejealously thrills up a fucked mind
it's real fucked up like a fucked up crime
if i say fuck two more times that's 46 fucks in this fucked up rhyme hey,
it's on everybody knows it's on hey,
it's on everybody knows it's on you wanna fuck me like an animal
you like to burn me from the inside you like to think
i'm a perfect drug just know that nothing you do will bring you closer to me
you can't bring me down i don't think
so you better check yourself before you wreck yourself kiss my starfish my,
chocolate starfish, punk kiss my starfish my,
chocolate starfish you want to fuck me like an animal you want
to burn me from the inside you like to think i'm a perfect drug
just know that nothing you do will bring you closer to me

just feelin kinda fucked up now.
-forgot my name at 10:50 PM

Saturday, April 12, 2003

Hypocrite

i don't think i'm in a right frame of mind to blog right now. but i'll still blog nonetheless. i want to write down my thoughts while this feeling still lasts. i just quarrelled with my parents. sorta getting more and more frequent nowadays it seems. results of the the argument: i lost. expected. i just ain't good at talking and i can't really be bothered to open my mouth it seems. i gave them a piece of my mind during the argument too. a small piece of my mind.
i don't know how to describe what i'm feeling though. i feel a pain in my heart. an invisible pain. my heart is crying or is it bleeding. it's so pain that i feel like putting a knife through it to end my suffering right now. sometimes i just wish i wasn't born to this family of mine. not that it's not good enough. but too good for me. i'd rather myself be born in a poorer family whereby life ain't that easy for me. i'm just taking a lot of things for granted i think. i don't know. maybe i'm not. i'd rather me be born in a family whereby my parents would not really bother that much about my future and plan my future for me. i'm tired of all this. i don't know what the hell is the problem. i just want to do what i want to do. is that wrong? i don't think what i want to do is against the law or things like that. i just want to live. my life's been planned since i was born i think. i don't know. i think the greatest mistake in my life was to choose to study in singapore. i don't know what the fuck i was thinking back then. that slight mistake then has caused me so much agony up till now i think. i'm just so tired of this. i could still remember that incident rather well. my aunts sorta gave me a book for me to read. i was like only 6 years old then. it's sorta an university textbook or something like that i could not remember. they sorta chose a page and asked me to read it out. i sorta read it out without much effort and they were like so amazed by it. when in fact i doubt i could comprehend what i was reading. then they suggested to my parents to send me to singapore to study in the hope that my so-called talents do not go to waste. my mum asked me if i wanted to go to singapore to study. i don't know why i nodded my head. but i did. the nod became the start of my pathetic life.
since then on, my whole life has been planned it seems. my parents were like paving a road for me and i could just sit back and relax. they tried to provide me with the best education there is and sorta gave me everything that i asked for. what a lucky chap i might seem. i sorta got streamed into EM1 after primary 4 and i did not intend to go into EM1 at first. but they sorta insisted that i get into it. so i followed suit. after that, i did pretty well for my PSLE it seems. i didn't want to choose those top schools around coz i thought it might be damn stressful and such. i'd rather go to an ordinary school and lead my life as an ordinary student. they sorta encouraged me to go to chinese high. i had no comments either. i was plain dumb i think. i didn't even bothered to think for myself. i sorta grew up over the years and could think for myself now. i have my own views. i know what i want to do when i grow up. yet they still insists that i do things the way they want it to be. i've given in to them regarding that matter. they just won't let me go to a polytechnic it seems. i thought i might as well stay on in jc since they insist so and they're paying for my education after all. all i need to do is to slog my way through these two years and then i'm free to do what i want(i hope). yet they expect much more from me. they expect me to concentrate on my studies. and they mean it. they don't like me to engage in those cca's which requires a lot of time since secondary school. i was in cricket then. had to go for training sessions a few times a week and it seems to be taking up a large portion of my time. but i didn't mind coz i enjoyed every moment of it. no matter what injuries i inflict upon myself, i blame no one. coz i chose my life. they try to dissuade me from continuing hockey now. but i don't give a shit about it. coz hockey might probably be one of the main reasons why i am still able to stay on in jc now. even my brother expects me to join some other cca's or stuff like that. why the fuck must they interfere with my choice in life when i enjoy what i do and i see nothing wrong in what i do. i just don't get it.
i think i just don't really fit into my family. academic results are the most important thing to them it seems. getting a degree and shit like that is everything to them. but not me. my brother's a nice guy. my mother seems to like to compare me with my brother nowadays whenever we quarrel and stuff like that. what the fuck is her problem i don't get it. i can't stand it. i can't stand people comparing me with others coz they can't expect me to be a perfect guy. i'm but a human. i am an individual. my mum just likes to compare about how good my brother seems nowadays and how he's working hard in his studies currently. my brother is now studying in KL and he would sort of call back and ask about how stuff are doing down here. my mum is totally mesmerized by how good his son is and how fillial he is and stuff like that. and me? i'm but a fucker who only knows how to defy her every oders and does what i want to do. it just happens that my brother cares a lot about his academic results nowadays and are doing the best he could to obtain a degree and intending to further his studies i think. my parents are totally agreeable with what he wants to do coz that's what they would hope he would do too. and me? i'm still playing computer everyday and just doing every other thing other than study as my parents would say. i'm just not the studious type. you can't possibly ask me to sit down and study 24/7. i'll kill myself in no time at all. i only intend to get my studies over and done with asap. i seem to have lost interest in what i'm doing nowadays coz maybe i don't know what the hell i am doing anyway. it's just sad that things have to turn out this way. they don't understand what i want. they are providing me with the best they could i agree. but is that really what i want? i don't mind doing without all the luxuries around me. i only wish for them to support me in whatever i want to do. is that really so hard? it seems that i could gain their support only if i follow what they want me to do. my parents are like blaming each other that they have spoilt me. is that truly the case? maybe. but what's more important is that they are not understanding me. they don't really care about what i do actually. and i don't really care to inform them on what i do. i doubt they know even one of my friends now. all they are doing is just criticizing my friends around me and saying that i'm comparing myself too much with those rich kids and are taking things for granted. i am not. fuck it. they don't know me anymore. they seem to like to criticize me about me not listening to their so-called advice and defying their orders most of the time while others' sons are so obedient to their parents. if they want someone that's so obedient, they might as well go get a dog. i can think for myself.
sometimes life just seems so hard to me that i feel as if i cannot go on anymore. this is not the life i want. i remember my maths tutor saying that i'm happy-go-lucky most of the time. am i really happy? or am i lucky? i am happy because i choose to ignore my agony. i am lucky because i am born to this family and leading this life? the basic reason why i still exist on the surface of this earth is probably because i am uncertain whether i will be happier dead or alive. i hope the answer lies in the latter. i have been very close to death twice in my life if i remember correctly. the first time was when i was dunno how many years old. was at the beach with my family. i was playing in the sea with my brother. a huge wave sorta suddenly swept over and i could feel the whole wave crashing down upon me. i could almost feel myself sinking when a hand suddenly grabbed mine. my father managed to catch hold of my hand before i get swept under the current. i was scared then. real scared. the second time happened not long ago i think. at most a few months ago. i was crossing a pedestrian crossing and it was clearly red lights for the car and i was happily walking across the other side of the road when a car just suddenly came out of nowhere and it missed my legs only by a few inches. i was angry then. i don't know why. maybe i'm angry because the driver failed to kill me with that pathetic attempt or i was angry because the driver tried to kill me with that pathetic attempt.
i think i'm just sad that i've made such a stupid mistake when i was young which has resulted in so much agony i am feeling right now. i think my life's just pathetic. i have so few friends around me. literally. there's an ocean between me and most of my friends. it just feels kinda weird. it's like totally left out. whenever my friends want to ask me out or something, they have to do so in advance. and about a day before. what the fuck. coz it takes me about two hours to get from my house to that place? and if they just suddenly asks me out, i'll be like shit? fuck it. i've kinda lost contact with my old buddies around my place. i'm afraid to call them sometimes. i'm so afraid that they would have forgotten about me. this is the agony of me going to study in chinese high it seems. whereby most of my friends are living on the other side of the sea and most of my friends who are living on this side of the sea, are not so clever. screwed up shit.
maybe i should talk about how the quarrel sorta started. today's my hockey training. told my parents i'm going for the training. they forbid me to go. reason being that i've just recovered from the flu and whatever the shit and i should refrain from going out since sars is on the loose. fuck it. i don't fucking give a shit about that geddit? i don't find anything wrong with me. i want to go out. i'm sick of this place. screw it. i don't say it out doesn't mean i like staying at home ya. i don't see the problem in me going for training and having whatever shitty reasons associated with sars. fuck it man. the thing just sorta goes on from there whereby i insist that i go for training today and shit like that. it's kinda dumb actually but i think i've just sorta had enough and i needed to explode and today just happens to be the day where i find it best to do so. i do admit that i cry easily. i can cry watching those dumb soap operas and movies like that. although i tell myself that crying does no shitty use to whatever that has happened. still i could not control myself. but it just sorta feels great after it. i cried. and i am still crying. what the hell. i'm such a crybaby. screw it.

Dashboard Confessional - Remember To Breathe

She fixes her lips they
Always look perfect
never a smudged line
never too much
I try on my blue shirt
she told me she liked it
she wonders where I went
she knows just what she'll wear
she always wears blue
Some sneakers or flip flops
I'm starting to panic
remember she asked you
remember to breathe
and the memory fades
we'll be okay
okay [x2]
Alright [x6]

-forgot my name at 5:22 AM

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

The Map

The Map personality is often deeply and intimately involved in the world. This world however is usually inside his/her own mind. Thoughtful to the extreme, this type is often obsessed with perfection and the rules governing their own personal interests.

They are generally good-natured people, and are often in areas not important to them very easy-going. Step across the line in regard to something the Map deems important however and you will recognize the wrath of the true believer. Principles to the Map are generally black and white. Their understanding of these principles however are always in question. Because the Map personality believes strongly in justice, it will often question its own perceptions, in fear that a mistake could have disastrous consequences. This prevents the Map personality from becoming too dictatorial or didactic.

what the...this shit is damn zhun...
-forgot my name at 7:45 PM

Reminiscence

i'm feeling kinda sad right now for no reason. maybe it's because of the mp3s i'm listening to right now that's making me feel this way. or maybe i'm just sad. whichever is more relevant i do not know. kinda been listening to songs by Dashboard Confessional these two days(all thanks to yuanie for recommending me their songs). from the looks of it, you might think that it's a band. no. he's a solo artist. his songs are pretty nice. not my usual type of songs you would say but it's another type of songs which i like too. most of the songs have the acoustic type of feeling. kinda hard to explain to ya but if you do have a chance, maybe you might consider listening to some of their songs. no, it's not rock. so too bad for you rockers out there.
one of the reasons why i'm not very happy now is because i found out that i've lost a section of my archives in this blog. i don't know how i lost it. it just isn't there anymore. you may be wondering why i bother about the archives since few or even none would bother to flip through the archives and read through the whole bunch of crap that is written down there. my lost archives actually contain a few of my favourite entries. especially the damn long one which most of you have complained about(if you could still remember). i don't know why i am so particularly fond of those entries but i think those are the entries that have inspired me to continue blogging up till now. kinda hard for you to understand but ya, that's what i feel. those are the entries whereby i've talked a LOT about myself. if i remember correctly, i had two entries about myself, which probably adds up to about 4 or 5k words. i kinda did a thorough self-reflection on my whole pathetic personality and spoke my mind freely. those were the days. kinda thinking of maybe re-writing what i have written previously but it's like kinda hard coz i don't know if i can find the sort of passion in me that is required for all the writing. maybe i will be attempting to re-write those stuff in this entry. so, be forewarned. don't come crying to me saying that your eyes hurt from reading this shit coz i've already warned you. read on if you still want to.
just put on my headphone coz i'm afraid of waking my parents up now. they've been nagging at me for sleeping so late every night but i just find myself more active in the night than in the day. it runs in the family i suppose. guess i should get back to my topic now that i am beginning to start to crap. don't think i've mentioned anything bout this before ya so guess i should touch a bit on this before the school starts. it''s about my childhood. i won't say that i have a particularly nice childhood but i can say that it's memorable indeed. i don't know why but i can only seem to remember stuff since age 5. i can't seem to remember a lot of things before then, maybe bits and pieces of events that have happened in my life up till that point of time. i have only an elder brother as my sibling. fortunately, both my parents are still around. most of my childhood memories revolves around my brother as far as i can remember coz my parents are busy working from day to night everyday and they seldom bother bout us. maybe i should start with my kindergarten first. i'm kinda independent since kindergarten i think. could still vaguely remember my parents praising me when i was a kid that i could tie my shoelace by myself while my brother could not. guess i'm talented in this aspect. there was this particular guy in my class whom i could remember rather well coz he's sort of a big bully in my class then. if i did not remember wrongly, he's a caucasian or he's a mixed blood. a particular thing he did made me remember him quite well. someday in class, for whatever reason, he suddenly took a few pencils from the other guy beside him and he just broke it in twos without much effort. the guy beside him cried, of course. what do you expect? it's kindergarten. i would say the bully is very big-sized for his age coz i could remember him to be almost as tall as my teacher then. that was cool. i don't know why but i somehow got so fascinated with the fact that he could easily break pencils in twos without much effort. and i don't really remember seeing him around after that incident. or was he still around, i forgot. i still remembered that i was obsessed with 'Ultra-Man' for some time while i was in primary school. i would just rush home everyday after my kindergarten classes and sit by the tv to watch it. normally, after that i would just sleep. thus i don't really have much memories of what i've been doing while i was youg coz i spent way too much time sleeping i guess. another thing i remembered was that i would wake up every saturday at 8am or 9am just to watch 'Sesame-Street' on tv. i don't know why but i just seemed to be attracted to the show somehow. although they kinda repeat the same kinda shit every episode, i don't seem to get bored of them. maybe it's the kinda sing-along tunes which they have come up with that has made me like it so much. i doubt it was the kinda stuff that they taught through the show that made me like it. the things they teach are dumb. my favourite characters are probably The Count, Bert and Bert's sibling(forgot his name, was it Bernie?). i think the Count is kinda cool coz he lives in a castle and the way he dresses are kinda cool too. so i guess that would have to be my all-time favourite character. as for the other two, i think my brother look somewhat like Bert. that's the part which amuses me the most i guess and i could kinda imagine my brother as Bert and me as his sibling. used to think that my brother looks like Bert coz he's got a rather oval head-shape and would often tease him about it. the character i hate most about the dumb show would probably be Big Bird and Oscar. i think Big Bird's kinda gay coz he's got lotsa kids surrounding him most of the time and i don't really like the voice of the guy playing Big Bird. as for Oscar, he's too noisy for me. always grumbling for no reason whatsoever.
another thing about my childhood would be the kinda stuff i do with my brother. we fight a lot and most of the time i would say. most of the time we fight for no apparent reasons. it just sort of begins with him irritating me and i can't stand him and we would start fighting. you may think it's kinda dumb but that's what made up my childhood i must say. i win most of the time not because i can beat him to a pulp but because i'm the youngest in the family and i sort of get a kinda special privilege that my brother don't seem to have. it's like being exempted to most of the scoldings and such coz my parents would expect my brother to give in to me as he's older than me(although only by a year). everytime i'm losing the fight, i would just cry out loud and someone would definitely come to my rescue. kinda sucks huh, but that's what i used to do. i don't use that lousy tactics all of the time though. there are times when i do beat my brother up badly and i do regret it. there was this time when i remembered myself actually kicking him in the face. unfortunately, one of his teeth came off because of that kick. the fight ended there. i don't remember myself being punished very badly coz of that and it was partly because i know that i was in the wrong. i felt kinda bad that i had dealt him such a strong blow and i was impressed at my own ability to give him that sorta kick. :\ of course, there were also times when i suffered serious injuries from such sorta fights. there was this particular incident which is very clear on my mind. was kinda like 'fighting' with my brother again and he sorta gave me a push and i accidentally knocked my head into the edge of my bed. the edge was sorta like wooden frame and kinda sharp. that incident left a scar on my forehead. a rather large scar, maybe about 3 or 4 cm long. broke my head from that incident. i was kinda stunned after knocking my head into the edge coz the next thing i remembered was that blood was trickling down my face and my brother had gone pale in fear. i tried to cover my wound with my hand but the blood still flowed down nonetheless. i didn't think that it was a very serious injury then coz i thought i had merely scratched my head and some stuff like that. when my mum saw me as i walked out of my bedroom, she was like completely scared. i don't know. i could sort of like remembered blood dripping on the floor as i walked towards her. i had no idea why i did not cry at all from that incident. not a drop of tear was shed. maybe i was too scared to cry or rather i simply felt no pain from that wound. all i knew was that i was bleeding profusely. got sent to the hospital for stitches after that. i don't really remember much of the stitching process. all i could remember was that the doctor and the nurses kept talking to me and i was like wondering what they were doing to my wound. they told me to keep my eyes shut and so i didn't really manage to get a good glimpse of the people
of course, we don't fight all the time. there were times when we had fun too. my childhood memories are kinda 'kampong' if you would want me to describe it. but it was real fun. there was this drain near my house and the drain's not very dirty. there were a lot of fishes in the drain. what sort of fishes i do not know and there were tadpoles too. sometimes my brother and i would sneak out from home with a small bucket and head off towards the drain to do some 'fishing'. there were plenty of kids around the neighbourhood who liked doing that too. i guess the fishes are just too attractive to kids. it's like we would climb down into the drain and start scooping for fishes without having any knowledge on how to keep them alive after we've caught them. we just kinda thought that they would be able to survive on their own but we were proved wrong most of the time. i preferred catching tadpoles as i had always wanted to keep a tadpole and watch it slowly turn into a frog. i know that it takes time for the tadpoles to turn into frogs but they somehow just don't seem to make it to adulthood under my supervision. normally after we've caught the fishes and tadpoles, we would bring them home in the small bucket and transfer it into another big pail in the porch. my mum would usually release the fishes and the tadpoles back into the drain if she realized coz she knows that there would be no way we could keep those fishes alive. they are meant for the wild. i remember this once when my brother and i spent several hours at the drain. i saw a goldfish and another dunno what fish in the drain. i was so stunned and excited coz i would never have expected to see such kind of fish in the drain. my brother and i just spent a damn long time trying to search for the two fishes and catch them back but we were just down on luck that day i suppose.
talking about pets, i guess the first pet that i had was a dog. its name was Bobby. i don't know what kinda breed it is but i do know that it was definitely one of my best childhood friend. it looks like a Samoyed but i ain't sure if it's one but the feautures are more or less the same. white and furry. it had a short-lived life, about 7-8 years only. it died while i was in sec2 i think. the cause of death was unknown and it could probably be due to old age or diseases. the poor dog had been suffering from flea bites and such all along and no matter what type of medicine we use, we just can't seem to rid it of the fleas. the dog died peacefully i must say. for when we found the dog, it was still in a crouching position. i'm glad that it did not suffer too much before leaving us. maybe death was a sort of relief for the dog as i could somehow see sadness in the dog's eyes. it was a clever dog i must say. for it knows whom my family's friends are. it would not just bark at everyone it sees. it only barks at strangers to my family. when my family's friends and even my friends come to visit me, the dog would not bark at them though it was the first time they had met. it was one of my best childhood friend as i would talk to the dog when i am unhappy. the dog would seem to understand my feelings and would just sit there silently, listening to my sorrows. the dog's kinda big and my parents don't let it into the house. so we keep it in a house that we've built for the dog just behind our house. there was this time when a burglar tried to sneak into my neighbour's house through the roof and the dog was alert enough to notice it. it kept barking until we checked out what had happened and then we heard hurried footsteps across our roof. only then do we understand what the din was about. my neighbour, being a malay, did not really fancy us having the dog due to their religion and such but after that incident, they sort of treated the dog with more respect and gratitude. the dog was in fact part of the neighbourhood i must say. most of the people around heard about what had happened that night and several houses close by to us depended a lot on it. Bobby was given to my family by my mother's friend. it came to us when it was a few months old. it was still a puppy then and i could still remember it being quite scared when it first came to us. it kept hiding itself behind things and dare not come out. it managed to overcome its fears not long after and it was not long before it became one of the best pets that i had.
i'm continuing the entry which i had stopped at this morning at around 5.30am. was too tired to continue typing i admit and i sorta ran outta the mood to blog already coz i had been blogging for around 2 hours then. ok i think i know the reason why i feel kinda sad now. i think it's because of this song called 'Remember To Breathe' by Dashboard Confessional. sounds kinda like 'The Most Beautiful Things' by Jimmy Eat World. great tracks. i sorta had no mood to continue blogging this morning because i was kinda sad as i thought about my dog ya. haven't kept any more dogs after that. my mum just complained it as too troublesome to rear a dog and she would expect me to take full responsibility of the dog. that i could not possibly be doing as i'm more of a slacker. damn...
thought i forgot to mention something about the new look of my blog. i don't know why but i suddenly had the urge to go put some of those blinky at my blog two nights ago. was getting kinda bored of my blog and thought maybe some changes might be good for it. some people are beginning to complain that they have trouble loading my blog and such. it is not the problem of the blinky i think or at least not all of it is attributed to the blinky. it's more of the java script's problem. java scripts tend to take longer time to load and so it explains how my blog lags your comp. i won't be removing the java script which is the thing surrounding your cursor now. i think it looks terrific. the best thing that i've done to my blog i suppose. i can remove all of the blinky but not the java. it would just look too plain dull if that thing is removed. wonder why i'm so fascinated by that small thing and i kinda like it coz it's sorta like those magic sparks that would appear after someone have conjured up a spell. kinda cool and it also sorta resembles stars in the night sky when it's contrasted with my black background. i would still prefer black and white if possible but i think a little bit of colours will probably add that bit of life to my template. can't seem to find any blog skins that are nice. black and white ones of course.
it's been raining for several days already at my place. the rain sure brings about some sorta sad feeling to my heart i think. no idea why but rain just makes people moody i think coz we don't get to see the sunshine and such. i won't say that i'm feeling lonely right now coz that would not be a very apt word to describe what i'm feeling now. i'm feeling more of empty rather than lonely. it's probably because i've been staying at home most of the time and haven't really been interacting with people and such. or maybe it's because i've been slacking way too much and my heart simply desires something to be done now that the school is about to reopen. feeling kinda apprehensive about what lies ahead of me once school reopens now. it's sorta a new beginning for me again and now i've gotta work my balls through it. gotta start studying real hard and get better grades than what i had got last time. it's for real this time. no more clowning around i suppose. kinda glad that most of my good friends are in the same class as me. would hope to work through this thing together rather than working on it alone. damn...i'm straying away from the topic again.
it's just kinda weird how i've done reflections upon my life and upon my character through this blog. i haven't really been thinking about my childhood stuff and i'm sorta glad that my mind is able to bring me back there and have allowed me to relive those beautiful and painful memories of the past once more. after the years spent in kindergarten, those days in primary school wasn't really that memorable i think. had lots of beatings by my teacher and that kinda stuff. i wasn't a bad student when i was a kid. it's just that some of my teachers are saddistic(i shall not elaborate). damn...lightning strikes just tripped off my MCB (miniature circuit breaker). electricity supply was cut off. luckily i had just saved not long ago. just kinda hate the rain sometimes, especially thunderstorms. i did lots of crazy shit when i was in primary school i think. it all felt kinda dumb now that i'm reflecting upon it. was a total slacker during my days in primary school but somehow i just managed to come in top few of my class most of the time. could still remember a particular time when a friend asked me how come my results are so good. i sorta replied him saying that there's no need to study for tests and such. the only thing i did when i got home was watch tv and sleep. what a life. slacked a lot in primary school. especially for my eca. i was a scout in primary school(can't tell huh). i just did not bother about any achievements for my scout. i merely attended all the sessions and the primary reason i was there was because there were games to be played everytime and i sorta liked the things we do. i think the primary reason why i joined scout that time was because i thought it would be kinda cool to be wearing the scout uniform and stuff. damn...i was too naive. luckily i did not continue that mistake in secondary school. had lots of friends when i was in primary school. most of them are like buddies to me. come to think of it, most of my friends are guys even in primary school. hmm...no i'm not gay. don't really wanna talk bout the stuff that i did when i was in primary school. it's sorta a memory i would leave it unspoken about. did lots of crazy things when i was in primary school and had lots of crazy friends around me who played all day long. hectic life i had then. damn...i was so young and innocent...am i?
managed to move on to secondary school after that. it was probably the part of my life where i experienced the most things. learnt a lot of things which cannot be found in the textbooks. i owe a lot to the school i must say. all the experiences from all the outdoor camps had actually shaped me into who i am today. the four years seemed to fly by me without me paying much notice to it. kinda miss the life back then. those were really the days which were rather stress-free i think. you would simply look forward to going to school everyday and just meetin all your friends around in school would put you in a joyous mood. talking about secondary school kinda makes me miss the last two camps that i had. one was the OBS(Lumut, Malaysia) i had in sec3 and the other, the hike to Gunung Tahan(Perak, Malaysia). those were the two camps whereby i learnt a lot of teamwork and had lots of fun during the trip itself. i sorta became more friendly when i was in sec3 and the OBS proved to be a valuable experience for me whereby i met a lot of new friends through it and of course, the great bunch of people who were on the same bus as me for the trip. we had lots of fun during the camp itself and during the trip, whereby we did lots of crapping and played lots of cards on the bus. kinda lost contact with most of them already, guess that's the way it would be in life. the second camp i don't think i will elaborate much further coz i think i've already talked too much about that trip of a lifetime. it's kinda great to go on camps with people around you i think. you would get to know them much better through living with them and trying to survive together out in the wild. you would sort of get to know who are really the bastards and who are the friends who would be there when you are in need of help. i got to know the people around me much better through those camps and i do know whom my true friends are through the camp.
those were the days. memorable days.

-forgot my name at 3:49 AM

Saturday, April 05, 2003

You were a brave knight, fighting for the king and
dualing other knights in great battles. Perhaps
you were a hero in your past life.


Who were you in your past life?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)


What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

-forgot my name at 11:24 PM

Email Tidbits

1. Name: lim ze sin
2. Height: 168cm onli...sianz
3. Siblings: 1 elder brother
4. What are you wearing?: i'm naked babY~
5. Birthday: isn't it here ---->
6. Gender: male
7. Right or left handed: i'm a left handed freak baby
ON GUYS - FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT
8. Underwear or boxers:
9. Long or short hair:
10. Tall or short:
11. Six pack of beer or muscular six pack?:
12. Good guy or bad guy?:
13. Hat or no hat?:
14. Tan or fair:
15. Dimples?:
16. Stubble or neatly shaved?:
ON GIRLS - FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT
17. Regular underwear or thong: hmm...why would i care? i dont get to see them anyway
18. Painted nails or not: anything ah...
19. Bra or sports bra: no comments
20. Cute n' mysterious or wild n' sexy: cute, mysterious and sexy~
21. Dressy or casual: hmm...depends loh...naked the best? =x
22. Dark or blonde hair: anything ah...as long as it looks good on her
23. Long or short hair?: long straight hair?....haha
24. Dark or light eyes: eh...those dat could electrify me...haha
25. Long or short nails: erm...dun care lah
26. Hat or no hat: -_-"
27. Good or bad girl: good to me of course...bad...i prefer nasty haha...oops
28. Fat or thin: neither
29. Hair up or down: down...no spiky pls
30. Jewellery or none: anything will do lahz...
31. Tall or short: not taller than me...but not too short either
32. Curly or straight hair: no macy gray for me man...
33. Trouser or dress: hmm.....whatever lahz
34. Tan or fair: i dun want no niggers baby
35. Freckles or none: freckles can make some look cute tho...doesnt realli matter to me
36. Pretty indoor chick or party chick: hmm...indoor chick...not too wild baby...haha
37. American or Australian or Singaporean: coffee, tea or me?
38. Shy or outgoing: shy and outgoing?
FOR EVERYONE
39. Chocolate milk or plain milk?: chocolatEy~
40. Coke or Diet Coke?: pepsi
41. Mud or Jelly wrestling?: bring on some real actions u wimps!!!!!
42. vanilla or chocolate?: vanilla with choc
43. Skiing or boarding?: i'll take both and fly thru the sky~
44. Day or night?: dawn.
45.Summer or winter?: autumn...
46. cake or pie?: cake of course...i dun want no american pie ya?
47. Silver or gold?: silver of course...gold makes me look old
48. diamond or pearls?: rubies?
49. Sunset or sunrise: both
50. Have you ever broke/sprained or fractured: my legs, my hands, my skull, my fingers etc.
51. Do you have any piercings?: show me the holes!!!
52. Do you wear any rings?: nah...they're for gays!!!!!
53. Do u hate anybody?: i hate everyone equally.
54. Do you believe in fighting?: i believe in killing!!!!! fReSh mEaT~!
55. Do you have a HUGE crush on someone right now?: *bLusHes*
56. Who's ur loudest friend?: loudest? all my friends onli haf one mouth?
57. Who's the quietest friend?: my imaginary friend
58. Who's your best friend/s?: not u of course u swaMp dOnkI~
59. Who do you turn to for advice?: i am wise.
60. Who's the first person to ask if you're ok?: no one asks me that. i'm great!
61. Who is most likely to respond to this email?: u.
62. Do you believe in Fate?: hAr? o_O? can eat?

-forgot my name at 4:11 AM

Which tarot card are you?


According to the Alien Abduction Test There is a 26% chance that I've been abducted by Aliens!

I will be decapitated by head hunters.



How will you die? Take the Exotic Cause of Death Test
-forgot my name at 3:52 AM

Thursday, April 03, 2003

Results:

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

You are working extremely hard - perhaps even above and beyond the call of duty. You are preparing for the future and therefore trying to build a firm trouble-free foundation upon which you may base all of your dreams and aspirations.

You have a high opinion of yourself. It is perhaps because of this self-centeredness that you become exasperated when you feel that your needs are misinterpreted by those around you. When this happens - and it does quite often - you feel that there is no-one that can understand the way you feel and it is because of this egocentric self that you are quick to take offense.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

this test is kinda accurate...kinda reveals your current mood and stuff. check it out @ http://www.colorgenics.com/index.cfm?pageview=test_8cube
-forgot my name at 4:36 AM

???

hmm...no idea why i'm doing this also. but ya. i'm blogging. i ain't got particularly much to talk about from what you can see in the topic. think i'm just getting pretty bored at the moment. seldom do i blog without a topic i think but here i am.
life's getting on pretty ok for me i think. yupz. been slacking real badly at home due to the stupid sars thing. i'd rather go back to school and do something rather than sitting around at home aimlessly without anything to do. the kinda feeling just sucks when you have to think about what to do to kill the time. i'm just wasting my life away as the clock ticks. just without the mood to do any work at the moment and i feel like going to a lot of places but i just can't coz of the sars thing. damn...what a time to have an outbreak of diseases.
think i shall get my dad to get my bike fixed tomorrow. kinda feel like going cycling around...it's been kinda long since i've cycled. hope i don't lose touch. i kinda like a carefree kind of lifestyle i think. i've been thinking of maybe going backpack travelling when i'm done with my studies or something of that sort. but i don't know if it's possible coz it's like i would naturally have to go to work first and start earning my first paycheck and everything right after my studies. can't believe i'm still such an active blogger at this point of time. when i started this thing, i thought that i wouldn't last through 2002 but i did. it's like most of the people around me who blog are kinda dead already i think. they don't really update much stuff onto their blogs and it just gets kinda boring when you ain't got nothing new to read when you check out their sites. sorry if i'm asking too much of you people, you can just ignore this part. i don't mind. haha...it's kinda late already now but i just don't seem to have the mood to go to sleep. no idea why. maybe it's time for me to go offline now...gotta do some reading of the novel or else i won't have time next time to finish it. :\


kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Are you Addicted to the Internet? 34% Newbie (21% - 40%) You've started to learn that there is more to the internet than AOL. You've recovered from that email virus that wiped your hard drive and are thinking of getting DSL. You still tend to forward too many jokes and inspirational thoughts via email to your entire address book. The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Stvlive.com!

src="http://www.bbspot.com/Images/News_Features/2003/01/os_quiz/hp-ux.jpg" width="300" height="90"
border="0" alt="Which OS are You?">
Which OS are You?


discover your inner candy heart @ stvlive.com


You are Kissing! Traditional, sweet, mild and oh so
wonderful. Not "dirty sexual" but fun
all the same!


What sexual act are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

-forgot my name at 4:24 AM