| the beauty of life, in black and white. | |||||||
name: zesin. loves: life, music, photography. - - - - - - - - doppelganger. - - - - - - - - .: contact :. - - - - - - - - .: myspace :. .: facebook :. .: friendster :. - - - - - - - - .: reads :. - - - - - - - - .: dith :. .: ming :. .: sancia :. .: huixian :. .: renrong :. .: yuzhong :. .: siaowen :. .: jiaquan :. .: ah teck :. .: chewy :. .: justin :. .: jing :. - - - - - - - - .: archive :. - - - - - - - - 11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010 |
i'm back with a new entry again. pretty fast eh? i guess it's all becoz i really need some space for me to let out everything that's been bothering me. i very much would like to burst into flames...whether i'd be able to rise above the flame is another problem. i just want to burst.
life's not as smooth sailing as it may seem. i'm pretty tired at the moment, mentally. all the shit's that's been going around me seems far too much for me to take. i'm so very afraid that i will not be able to continue with whatever that i want to do and repeat whatever shit that has happened to me in the previous year. my whole life's pretty screwed up right now i must say. i dunno if anyone screwed it up for me or did i screw it up unknowingly somehow but i can say that it's all messed up. i am not very in control of my life now. instead, i'm just existing day by day. following the day by day routines that is deemed fit by the society. this is pretty sucky. i just can't seem to relate to most of the things that i'm doing right now. i can't find reasons for most of the stuff that i'm doing. totally fucked up i would probably say. damn... i want to break free. want to get away from all this shit. want to fly away. far far away. away from this mundane world of desires. to live a life i would call 'my life'. is that possible? i doubt so. (ended on 22nd January) (continued on 24th January) was supposed to post this thing yesterday when i've continued from it but somehow i was too tired and forgot that i still have this unfinished entry on hand. think i'd say sorry to the hockey guys over here coz i've skipped two trainings over the two days. one official and one unofficial. it was intentional. i was in no mood to train at all. damn tired, mentally. so sick and tired of stuff. just needed to have some kinda time of my own. i'll be going for the next training. yupz...though there seems to be some kind of problem with my left wrist. the pain in the wrist just doesn't seem to go away. no idea why. guess that's about all for now. -forgot my name at 8:48 PM Resolution sorry people. it's kinda been ages since i updated this shit. sometimes i would just look at the page and feel like putting something down. but somehow i just don't really know what to put down right here. it's like i've got so much to say but i don't know what to say first or whichever is appropriate for me to put down. another thing is that i've been very much busy this year. i've kinda forced myself to do a bit of tutorials each day no matter how tired i am. is that good or is that bad? it's kinda how sucky this year seems. although it's only the first three months of school for me, every other people around me just seems to be working so hard. for whatever reasons...i just kinda missed the good old days where no one does tutorials in the first three months...those were the days. my new class ain't too bad i suppose, haven't really interacted with most of them. but i suppose the guys could click on pretty well though. bunch of slackers and lamers...lol~ people have been asking me a lot about this and i suppose i should just answer it once and for all here: my class have no chio bu. oh damn...i've run out of points to write already. this is so damn pathetic...oh ok. hockey's getting pretty fun this year coz of the new coach...he's a pretty interesting guy. a cheeky(dirty) old man i would say. his trainings are pretty tiring but we could really learn a lot of things from it and everything that he makes us do is pretty meaningful i think. though he don't say it out, we could figure it out what each of the practices are for. guess i'll really have to work a lot on my physical conditions. been slacking far too long and my stamina's totally pathetic at the moment. due to my stupid sprain during the holidays, my right ankle seems to have some problems already. it just doesn't seem to heal completely...always would get a pain here and there. damn...i doubt it would heal coz i'm always doing sports and not giving it a chance to rest and heal. that's probably a sacrifice that each of us have to make in life though. raining cats and dogs outside now. the weather's perfect for sleeping and i wonder why i woke up so early. should have just stayed in bed. now i'm trying to keep myself occupied doing stupid things...kinda dumb. maybe i'll go back to sleep after my lunch or something...quite tired. and i've still got tutorials to do...kinda restricting myself from going online too much this year as i've gotta work on my studies...life of a retainee. guess i've been too high profile in school already...several jc1s kinda know who i am and is partly due to my shitty hairstyle which is banned by my freaking pd tutor. what a freaking loser. kinda broke now also. got so many things that i want to buy and so many events coming up in february and march. damn...really have to start saving up already or else i'd be borrowing money from people by that time. damn...i've been spending too much already i think. my bank account's left with only about 10 bucks i think. spent about 1.5k last year, on top of my usual pocket money. i just can't seem to manage my finance well...no wonder i flunked my maths all the time. there are a lot of songs that i want to download but somehow i can't seem to remember the names of the song everytime i go online and therefore i'm still trying damn hard to think of the exact names...damn. if you guys have any nice songs to recommend, tag my board. don't give me ballads or some shitty love songs...those are not my types. thanks... -forgot my name at 12:53 PM
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