name: zesin.
loves: life, music, photography.
- - - - - - - -
doppelganger.
- - - - - - - -
.: contact :.
- - - - - - - -
.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
- - - - - - - -
.: reads :.
- - - - - - - -
.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
- - - - - - - -
.: archive :.
- - - - - - - -
11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
loves: life, music, photography.
- - - - - - - -
doppelganger.
- - - - - - - -
.: contact :.
- - - - - - - -
.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
- - - - - - - -
.: reads :.
- - - - - - - -
.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
- - - - - - - -
.: archive :.
- - - - - - - -
11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
Sorry
i dunno. but i think i just screwed up my freaking life once again. what the hell have i done? i don't know. my fault? i think so. the problem? i don't know. result? blog.
think i'm just a bit too hard to comprehend. am i really that hard to understand? i don't know. you people can be the judge. i must admit that very few people around me knows me very well. as in those types who could tell what i want or what i'm feeling without me saying it out. there's only 2 people in my life who are able to do that i think. or at least i think they can. is that too much to ask for? i don't know.
can someone just slap me and get me to wake up from this shitty feeling i'm having right now? i wish someone could. just what the hell is wrong with me? i don't know. i just can't seem to tell right now. something's bothering me. i think i know the problem but i just refuse to say it out. damn. should have just gone to sleep just now. what the hell did i stay online for? i just like to get myself in all kinds of deep shit i think. what the hell. screw it.
i sometimes wonder...do i really understand myself? i think so. but do others understand me? i don't think so. that's the problem. i tend to expect others to understand what i'm feeling when i don't think they would. oh. great. what a fucker i am. just fuck it. that's always been the case since young i suppose. i know what i would want but i just don't want to say it out. what the fuck is wrong with me? how the hell would others know what i want if i don't say it out. i'm but a human being. others can't read my mind and neither can i read theirs. i'm just such a freaking asshole. not saying out what i want and then after the whole damn thing i'll just be brooding over the freaking shit. it's just like...what the fuck. i don't know. i don't think i'm in a right frame of mind to blog currently but i'll just blog anyway coz i'm feeling quite pissed with myself at the moment? would have whacked something if i could. i could do it actually. but i just refuse to. coz i've been there, done that before. it ain't fun. sometimes i just wish that i wouldn't have to blog so often. nothing good seems to be featured in my blog. maybe i am the one who should be getting a low down life and just screw myself and die.
i don't think i'm that great as a person anyway. i'm but a piece of shit trying to prove to the world that i don't stink. is that possible? i don't think so. the problem why i don't talk about serious stuff with others is probably because i just can't seem to continue the conversation well enough. i know it. but i just refuse to say it out. i'm just such a muthafucker. so maybe you people will understand why i talk so much shit around. i just ain't cut out to divulge my true feelings or whatsoever. i'm such a hypocritic piece of shit. i am troubled. yet i refuse to show it. the reason why i don't want to show? coz i don't want others to bother about my problems. yet i do want them to care for me at the same time? just what the fuck do i want? why can't i just make up my fucking mind? i don't get it.
can i still take it? i don't know. i don't know how much i can tolerate with myself. maybe one day i'll just burst into flames. how i simply wish i could do that...
Incubus - Pardon Me
A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory;
an ominous landscape of never ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.
Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
and thinking so much differently.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.
guess this is just what i needed. this song just kinda says it all. i don't know if i could rise above the flames if indeed i burst into flames. maybe i'll just end up being devoured by the flames and my pathetic life will thus come to an end. i really wonder what life would be like without me. maybe i'm so insignificant that people wouldn't be affected at all. life just goes on. time waits for no one. who am i anyway to have such a great impact on the people around me. some people are like telling me how great a friend i am...is that really the case? i don't know. maybe i'm just being nosey. i just like to get myself involved in all kinds of shit. after all, i'm but a piece of shit myself. so what difference does it make? i remember my friend telling me once that i should not doubt my own capability or my character. i don't know. i suppose i'm the sort who needs to live in a world of fallacy and lies. lies that would cheat me on forever. lies that would make me believe that i am really capable of achieving things in life. lies that would give me the confidence to face the world with pride. but unfortunately, that world doesn't exist. so i ain't who i think i am. nor am i what i think i will be in the future. i don't know. did this dumb quiz previously that tells me i'm in 85% control of my life. oh really. i think 85% actually refers to the people around me. i only control 15% of my life. i don't know why. but the reason i seem to exist currently is because of the people around me. without them, i doubt i would be around anyway. i doubt i would be needed elsewhere too. will my life really be so pathetic as to the point whereby no one would eulogize me on the day i die and i will simply fade away from the face of the earth. maybe there just isn't anything worth to mention about me. save the lies. for i want to die as innocent as a baby. save me from the facade that you all have imposed on me.
guess i'm just such an asshole. i hate hypocrites yet sometimes i feel that i am one myself. maybe that's the reason why i hate myself so. the thought just simply exists within my sub-conscious mind i suppose. i do not like to lie for i see no point in lying when the truth would eventually come to light. however i would substitute lies with silence for the fear of gettin my own ass into trouble. this is me. i don't know. how many of you out there would come to my rescue on the day when i really need help. i don't know. maybe none would come. or maybe there would be just one or two whom are on rather good terms with me right now. but will it stay the same for the rest of your life? i doubt so. i may seem to be your good friend right now but you might eventually find someone who's more to your liking a few years later and i would eventually be forgotten. this is life. is there really such a thing as 'friends forever'? nothing lasts forever if you want to go by my philosophy of life. everything comes to an end. that's the way it is. it may be sad but life's like this and we just have to take it in our stride and move on. or else we would be stuck forever.
think i'm just feeling too shitty right now to do any proper and positive thinking. nothing seems to be going right at this point of life for me. shit happens i know. but far too much shit is happening and it makes me wonder is the problem with me or is it the shit's problem? either way it's my problem. so i guess i just have no one other than myself to blame for this pathetic life that i'm having right now. i feel like running away from it all now. there doesn't seem to be any point in me continuing on anymore. is this the end? i hope not. i'm only 17. maybe i'm just thinking far too much. i ought to be enjoying my life instead of rotting my ass off in front of my computer everyday. what's this? this is life? if it is, then fuck it. this is not the type of life i want. i don't know. i'm sick of it. sick of all this shit. i need to get a life. i guess i'm just lacking something spiritually. i need someone to talk to. someone to listen to. you may be willing to listen. but are you willing to share also? maybe that's the fucking problem with me. i bare my heart and soul to others and i expect others to do the same to me when i know that is not fucking possible. why can't i just get that through that thick skull of mine. is it really that hard to be truthful to me? am i really such a jerk that you people can't trust? i think i am. ok. my fault. i'm sorry. guess i'm just too plain dumb to be called human. i just can't lie well. not to my friends at least. i don't lie about myself. either i tell you, or i don't as simple as that. but if people asks, i would tell. no matter how hard it may be for me. that's maybe the way i use to gain others' trust in me i think. but does it work? i don't know. everyone's just different and i just can't seem to be expect every one else out there to start behaving like a jerk like me. i'm getting too selfish. maybe i'm just too narrow-minded. i just can't seem to open myself up to others that easily.
maybe i ought to talk a bit more about my family. i have a father, a mother and an elder brother. my family ain't rich. i don't know how you define rich coz i'm definitely not rich by my own standards. i just don't fucking see the reason why you people think i'm rich. fuck it. i lead a simple life. i don't ask for much in life. just fucking give me three meals to keep me alive and that's it. is that too much to ask for? i live in a terrace in malaysia. no, i don't live in a bungalow. yes, a lot of people are living in terrace houses too so i'm fucking not rich by any standards. i don't know how my parents earn a month coz i never seem to know how to calculate their earnings and the income of my family. i think my family's just barely surviving each month after deducting all the expenses required for my education and all the housing instalments that my parents have to pay. my parents and my brother are thrifty, maybe even to the extent of being a bit of a scrooge. but i somehow just seem to get a lot to spend. think my parents are doting on me too much. my parents have sort of realized it too and are kinda like trying to screw up my fucked up way of thinking that my parents are rather rich. sometimes i just think, maybe my family would've been much richer if not for me. coz i think i simply have spent too much up till now. maybe about RM$150k already up till now. my education fees are just fucking expensive. i shouldn't have agreed to going to singapore to study when i was young. just because of a nod of the head, my parents are slogging their life till now. what a fucker i am. and i'm just like disappointing them. i don't know if i should laugh or i should cry. maybe i should laugh. laugh at how silly i was all this while. what a fucker i am. this sucks. my school fees for a month is equal to half a year of my brother's school fees. that's the kinda difference that i'm talking about right here. maybe you people don't know. my school fees per month currently is about S$774 for a term. that is to say, 3 months. it's about the same as my chinese high school fees, just slightly more expensive. just a month of school fees for me is approximately equal to your school fees for 2 years already i suppose. why the fuck did i still continue to study here. just imagine the amount i would have saved if i had not studied. damn. should have just continued my education in malaysia. what a dumbass i am. i ought to spend less nowadays coz my brother's kinda in a private institution doing his Pre-U course which approximately costs about S$10k per year. may not seem a lot to some of you, but it's quite a heavy burden for my family already, considering the fact that it's also very costly to send me to school. maybe it's because i try to link too much to my multi-millionaire uncle who's working at his business right now. my mum is kind of like a shareholder in the company and it's sorta a family business. but my mum doesn't get paid anything at the moment. it's supposed to be left for the descendants to decide whether they still want to keep the business or whether it's time to wind it all up. this stupid thought of mine just kinda leads me to thinking that my family is rich i think. though i must admit that my uncle treats me very good and kinda has high hopes on me? i don't know. maybe he just likes me. i don't know. feeling kinda better now. pardon me if i've used too much vulgarities above. it's but another part of me.
-forgot my name at 2:37 AM
No Doubt - Running
Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side
Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
[Chorus:]
Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up
[Repeat chorus twice]
(The future)
[Repeat chorus]
no idea why i featured this song too. just find it a beautiful song.
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Vlad the Impaler. The man behind the legend
of Dracula. You hanged your victims, stretched
them on the rack, burned them at the stake,
boiled them alive, but mostly impaled them.
Most of your killings were politically targeted
but sometimes you killed just because you were
bored. Your "reign of terror" lasted
from 1456 to 1462. Estimated numbers of victims
vary between 30,000 and more than 100,000.
Evil Evil man. Fie on you!
Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 10:25 PM
i've just kinda tried out something new today. i went for a jog around my friendly neighbourhood. sad to say but i've never in my life tried jogging around this neighbourhood of mine coz it's like i don't see anyone jogging around here. people seem to be cycling and walking more often rather than jogging. so i think it's kinda extra for me to go jogging around. people might be wondering why the hell i'm running so fast for i suppose.
it wasn't a bad attempt though. never knew this neighbourhood of mine is so small. it's like i could even finish the run in 12 minutes and taking some turns here and there so that i would be running a longer distance. the whole distance is probably about 3km i suppose. not very sure. gotta ask my dad later on. i can't seem to gauge distances well. maybe i should try to jog further down...but maybe not coz the traffic's rather chaotic outta my neighbourhood. kinda hard to explain but it's like yah. that's it. i would wish to jog longer coz i think it's kinda fun to do so. i don't know. i'm just kinda freaky. finding jogging fun. especially long long distance. i could just work on the current distance i suppose and maybe say try to cut down my timing by half a minute everyday or something like that. quite fun i suppose. but i'd still rather jog further down. :b i just wanna run far far away so that when i get home, i'll be so damn dead beat that i don't feel like doing anything. that would be fun. erm...sounds kinda freaky again but yah. that's my point. i just wanna shag myself. maybe i'm really a BIT perverted i suppose. i've wanted to talk bout this for a long time already but i just keep forgetting to talk about this. i have this vision in my head. it's like...i long to be like Forrest Gump. i just totally love the scene whereby he just leaves his house one day and starts running for no reason. that's just totally so cool. he's just able to leave everything behind and not give a shit about anything. just run on and on without a destination in mind. think it's kinda hard to achieve that kinda state coz he must be damn freaking rich first of all or else he'd be starving himself to death along the way. that's just the kinda life i wanna live. in a small town whereby everywhere's peaceful and is far away from the hustle and bustle of city life. that's life.
wonder if you all have noticed that most of my entries in this blog aren't the kind of 'happy' entries that you would see on others' blog. i tend to blog when i'm feeling moody or rather disturbed by something and this is but a way for me to express myself. it's just kinda hard for me to express myself so thoroughly when i'm communicating with a 'live' person. i don't really understand why but i seem to project a different part of me when i'm online and offline. guess that's the way it is for most of the people around. anything is possible online. you can be who you want to be through the cyberspace. people doesn't even know who you are anyway. you may be just a loser in real life but when chatting online, you could even be the perfect man that every women desires of.
kinda notice that people tend to confide in me when they are troubled or something and i'm always glad to be of service to them all. it's kinda cool to know how others are thinking and help to solve others' problem. guess i tend to get to know others better through this way. i gain life experience through talking to them and i try my best to find a solution to their problem. however, i seldom talk to people about my problems. just like what the blood type analysis said about my personality. i try to solve things by myself. it's not that i don't trust others (maybe this is the case, i don't know) but it's like i kinda find it hard to get others to listen to my problems and try to solve them for me. guess i'm the type who would rather get myself involved in troubles than get others into trouble. so i tend to be kinda selfish in a way. you people confide in me, but i don't confide in you guys. you lose out in the end. i'll get to know all of your dark secrets but you will never get to know mine. : \
it's been kinda long since i did some self-reflections on myself already. just look at the length of my blog entries and you will know. the reflections entry are kinda lengthy most of the time. maybe i've run out of things to talk about on. or maybe i'm just plain lazy to think about pathetic life. i kinda find it amazing how two brothers' characters can be so completely different for my case. it's like my brother's the type of guy who's very down-to-earth i suppose. would just follow the society's norms; go to college. go to university. get a job with a good pay. live with it for the rest of his life. child repeats the cycle. hmm...that's way too politically correct for me i think. maybe i'm such a bastard to be talking bout such stuff behind his back but whatever. it's like i'd rather choose the type of stuff that i wanna do. i'd rather indulge in stuff i have interest in rather than torture myself in shit that i completely know nothing and would rather not know anything about. this is life for me. do what i want and be who i want to be. but people around me often tells me that with a degree, i'd be able to do that. is that really the case? i don't know. no one knows. for no one knows what the future may bring forth. i may just drop dead the next day. shit happens after all.
no idea why but i kinda still misses those days when i was in sec4. though a lot of mugging were involved, it was relatively a fun and fulfilling year for me. maybe it's due to the trip to Gunung Tahan which made me like that particular year so much. find it a pity that i did not bring my camera along for the trip. the scenery there is simply astonishing. damn. though our teacher-in-charge had published the photos on his webpage, it's only but a small fraction of what was really there out in the wild. among all the pictures published, i only keep one particular photo. which was the one taken on the peak with my expedition group. we were such a bunch of fun people. had loads of fun with those guys and the photo is really well-taken in my personal opinion. that was probably the only time i would want to take photos of things i suppose. i don't really take photos...if ever any of you are privileged enough to drop by at my house, you would find that there are VERY VERY few photos in my house. personally, i only keep less than 10. is that pathetic or what? i don't know. i don't like to take pictures coz i think i don't really look good in pictures or i simply don't want to be reminded of how ugly i look in it. there sorta seems to be a chance for me to relive the experience i had at Gunung Tahan soon. it's an expedition organized by the SRJC ODAC members. i can go becoz my friend is the organizer and he don't mind me sharing a part of the cost. i don't really know if i should go for it. should i leave the beautiful memory as it is, or should i TRY to relive that moment? what if i don't enjoy this trip as much as before? i don't know. maybe the friends that are going with you plays a very important role in this aspect. life is fun with them around. will it be equally fun without them? i'm not so sure about that.
I Mother Earth - Like The Sun
In light of my present mess
In light of my mental weather's turn
In light of all the crash and burn
I'll open my mind as wide as ever
The line behind the lesson
Soul in the open well
It might have been fate
It might have been fortune
It might have been wine and a mellow head
I'm finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You'll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise up and hold me now
I know that at times life kinda hurts
I know that I will live and learn
So more than survive
I will endeavour
The mind behind the message
Alone on an ocean swell
It might have been great
It might have gorgeous
It might have been why I've settled in
I'm finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You'll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise and show
A helpless man
A held out hand
Defining images
That flow through my hope
Surrender the broken moments
And pointing fingers
The closing of open minds
I might have been delayed
I might have been delirious
I might have been otherwise
Taking hammer blows
Like an animal
For others
So heavy was my way
I'm finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You'll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
I'm finding my way
I'm finding my words
I'm one body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You'll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise and show
Show us
Something
okay...the title and the band name might seem a bit weird but it's still a nice song nonetheless.
-forgot my name at 9:49 PM
Personality: People get a great first impression from you. You look honest and trustworthy but at times you look so serious that people find it difficult to approach you. When things trouble you, they get bottled up right inside you. You'd rather deal with them on your own than to confide to others.
Love Tendency: It takes you a long time before you decide that you would like to go out with a particular person. You are very careful and that's why you will have only few serious relationships. The honest person you are, you will break it off with a partner if you realize you haven no affection for her.
Life: You love to pay attention to details, so everything you start has to stop with a hundred percent satisfaction. Your social skills are lacking. Therefore, a working place where much interaction is much needed isn't suitable for you.
Which monkey are you?
Another pointless diversion from Bijouriel
-forgot my name at 7:42 PM
-forgot my name at 9:28 PM
I'm Kimi, who are you? by Dru & Lexi
-forgot my name at 9:22 PM
You are the little prince.
Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 8:58 PM
Artist: Oasis
Album: (What's The Story) Morning Glory
Title: Wonderwall
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is
out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
don't really feel like blogging. thought i should just feature this song that i like at this moment. yes. i got sick of 'Sing For The Moment'. hereby dedicating this song to the very special you.
-forgot my name at 12:44 AM
dormancy
WHAT IS YOUR STATE OF LIFE?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 11:24 PM
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
<|cYf|aMe> ur laughing thru ur tears...
ahh...what a good topic that is. that's what my friend told me. kinda reflects me i think. i was supposed to blog last night. but was kinda too tired to blog all the way and forgot to save the damn blog. now i've gotta try to repeat what i've typed last night. was talking to my friend about something...about my relationship with the guys from my ex-class. coz it's kinda like bothering me. i don't know why. i can't say that i hate them but the feeling is just like i don't feel like talking to them anymore.
i think i'm being selfish. sorry guys. maybe you people (hockey guys) have noticed that i'm kinda like spending more time with you all nowadays. think i'm using you all as an alternative or something like that i suppose. coz i just don't feel like being with those guys anymore. let me try to sort things out a little...you all are two different cliques altogether i think. very different. one is very havoc (you know which one i'm talking about) and the other is more kinda simple. sometimes i think you people are just too crazy for me you see. it's like you people are damn happening. it's fun i admit. but the expenses are like...wow. sorta gotta know some of you guys better nowadays. it's nice being with you all. the spirit's there...or should i say the kinda brotherhood is there. that's the word for it i suppose. the part whereby we stick by one another in times of trouble. some things that i would never have expected from the other bunch of guys.
come to think of it, i think the people who first comes to my mind when i require help would be the hockey guys. i don't know why. maybe we all have hockey sticks? i don't know. coz it's kinda like i know that you people would definitely help out without question i think. whereas the other bunch of guys are more 'tame'. hmm...someone once said that i'm a guy who's smart. street-smart. am i? i think i am to a certain extent. but i do try to get myself into troubles i think. that's fun. i don't know. one thing i would like to do before i really grow up would be to get myself in a fight or something like that. i don't know why. but i've always wanted to get into a fight. a real fight. whereby we just fight and laugh over it when we reflect upon it 60 years down the road and find that there's actually no reason behind the fight. that would be cool. that's life i suppose. crazy shit that i wanna do while i'm still young. after all, i only live once. so i suppose i should try out new stuff while i'm still living eh.
there's one damn problem with me. i am very prejudiced about people and i don't really forget things easily i suppose. well, basically, i don't think i've forgotten whatever that eugene has said to me or whatsoever. i kinda get the flare everytime i think of it? maybe it's not the flare but maybe a kind of regret. why didn't i express myself clearly to him? the only reaction i could think of at that point of time was to give him a straight punch in the face i admit. maybe i would feel much better after that but the problem is i did not react that way. damn...that must've been it: the crazy shit that i did when i was young. if i did that, then that would be the first time i ever hit someone other than my brother i suppose. almost smashed a chair into the face of a classmate of mine when i was in sec2. he irritated me real badly or should i simply say he pissed me off? held my temper then. that was kinda shitty though...thinking of doing that kinda things to a classmate of yours while you're still so young. i'm over-violent by nature i guess. wonder what i'll really do when i don't hold my temper anymore.
back to the topic i guess. well, the topic sorta like came about when i was telling this friend of mine how much i'm going through and stuff. coz it was like they used to be good friends of mine and now things have turned out this way. i'm rather helpless too. i don't like to explain matters too much coz i think that they would only complicate matters. i don't really want to be associated with them anymore. the feeling's just not right. it sucks. well, guess i'll just let it all out. kinda regret introducing them to her. i don't know why. it's like they seem to be getting along rather well. good friends and now i'm here feeling like this. i'm just kinda like being sandwiched. do i sit here and try to stand it? i don't know what i should do. they seem to be getting along quite well. good friends i suppose. hmm...even took neoprints together...without me. i don't know. just find it hard to not go when she's going out with them but i'm not really enjoying the outing. maybe the problem simply lies with me. i'm just an asshole who can't tolerate others' behaviour and such. what the fuck. how the hell did things turn out this way. guess i just screwed up my life once again. i don't wish for others to change because of me or even try to solve this shit. coz i am no longer interested to solve this shitty problem no more. i don't wanna be involved no more. just count me out. it's too much for me to take. maybe the saying's kinda true: 'dao bu tong, bu xiang wei mou'. since we no longer think along the same line, maybe it's better for us to part. the feeling may not be mutual but it does exist for me.
Jimmy Eat World - The Most Beautiful Things
You say the most beautiful things,
an endless list of treasures of trimmings.
It takes all my faith just to start
I don't care now how much I'm wrong
my song it shames your ears
every sentence a failure.
Slant rhyme is all I can give half truth is all I'll get.
Show us all what grace can mean,
all of what I might be.
Close your eyes call it escape.
We'll run away from everything
Lie to me,
love me
We'll run away from everything.
a beautiful track by jimmy eat world. it's kinda like one of my all-time favourite songs. i find the song kinda sad. kinda weird how i would define sad i suppose but i just have the feeling when i hear the song. i especially like the part about running away from everything. the thought just simply exists in my mind all the time. to run away. run away from everything. wonder when i'll be able to do that. very meaningful lyrics i must say...i don't care now how much i'm wrong. coz in the end, it doesn't really matter.
-forgot my name at 1:00 AM
Mitch
Which Mall Monkey Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
dude... you are so 16! for serious!
How old are you *looks around* REALLY?!
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 4:10 AM
[Verse #1]
These ideas are nightmares for white parents
Whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings
Like whatever they say has no bearing
Its so scary in a house that allows no swearing
To see him walking around with his headphones blaring
Alone in his own zone, cold and he dont care
He's a problem child, what bothers him all comes out
When he talks about his fuckin' dad walkin out
Cos he hates him so bad that he blocks him out
But if he ever saw him again, he'd prolly knock him out
His thoughts are whacked, he's mad so he's talkin' back
Talkin black, brainwashed from rock and rap
He sags his pants, 2 rags and a stocking cap
His step-father hit him so he socked him back
And broke his nose, this house is a broken home
There's no control, he just lets his emotions go
Come on...
[Chorus:]
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me,just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
[Verse #2]
Entertainment is danger, intertwine it with gansters
In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum
Only you're unholy, only have one homey
Only this gun, lonely, cuz don't anyone know me
But everybody just feels like they can relate
I guess words are a motherfucker, they can be great
Or they can be great, or even worse, they can teach hate
Its like kids hang on every single statement we make
Like they worship us, plus all the stores ship us platinum
Now how the fuck did this metamorphasis happen?
From standin' on corners and porches just rappin'
To havin' a fortune, no more kissin' ass
But then these critics crucify you, journalists try to burn you
Fans turn on you, attorney's all gonna turn it to
To get their hands on every dime you have
They want you to lose your mind every time you mad
So they can try to make you out to look like a loose canon
You need to spew, dont hesitate to produce air-guns
Thats why these prosecutors wanna convict me
Swiftly just to get me offa these streets quickly
But all their kids been listen'n to me religiously
So i'm signing cds while police fingerprint me
They're for the judges daughter, but his grudge is against me
If i'm such a fuckin' menace, this shit doesnt make sense, Pete
It's all political, if my music is literal and i'm a criminal,
How the fuck can i raise a little girl?
I couldn't. i wouldn't be fit to
You're full of shit too, Guerrera, that was a fist that hit you!
[Chorus]
[Verse #3]
They say music can alter moods and talk to you
But can it load a gun for you and cock it too?
Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude
Just tell the judge it was my fault, and i'll get sued
See what these kids do, is hear about us toting pistols
And they want to get one, cos they think the shit's cool
Not knowin' we're really just protectin' ourselves
We're entertainers, of course this shit's affecting our sales
You ignoramus. but music is reflection of self
We just explain it, and then we get our cheques in the mail
It's fucked up ain't it, how we can come from practically nothin'
To bein' able to have any fuckin' thing that we wanted
It's why we sing for these kids that don't have a thing
Except for a dream and a fucking rap magazine
Who post pinup pictures on their walls all day long
Idolise their favourite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in they lives
So they sit and they cry at night, wishing they die
Till they throw on a rap record, and they sit and they vibe
We're nothing to you, but we're the fuckin' shit in their eyes
That's why we sieze the moment, and try to freeze it and own it
Squeeze it and hold it, 'cos we consider these minutes golden
And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone
Just let our spirits live on, through out lyrics that you hear in our songs
And we can
[Chorus]
[Chorus Without Beat]
[Instrumental]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Screwed
ahh...my usual blogging time at last. that's(topic) probably the state of my mind right now i suppose. i ain't pretty clear of my thought right now. something seems to be bothering me or rather a lot of things seems to be bothering me but it juz ain't clear to me. the feeling just sucks. well, the song featured above is probably the song that i like most right now? wonder when i'll get sick of that song. soon i suppose coz i tend to get sick of a song rather fast...maybe it's becoz of the way i listen to it. if i find the song damn nice, i would just keep on repeating the track on my playlist until i just get sick and tired of it (just like what i'm doing now).
the song title's pretty meaningful i must say. 'Sing For The Moment'...sorta applies to me though. i don't sing but i just kinda live for the moment. :\ i particularly like the first verse of the song coz it kinda reflects me? it doesn't reflect everything about me...not the part about hitting the father or getting hit by the step-father. but especially the part about the boy walking about with his headphones blaring and being brainwashed by rock and rap. kinda sounds like me. i kinda drown myself in music when i'm at home. if one day i find that i have hearing problems, i think i would understand why. even though the speakers are damn near to me, i just simply turn them out loud so that sounds of the surroundings can't really be heard. i don't know why but i just kinda like it that way. the same applies to me when my headphone's on. i remembered someone telling me that rock music is for people who are trying to escape or something like that...it kinda sounds true i suppose. at least it's true for me. i don't know what i'm escaping from. maybe i do. it's there somewhere i know, somewhere in my subconscious mind. i just don't want to know it coz maybe when i know it, i will try to do it.
sometimes i really wonder, what would life be for me if i was born in US instead. hmm...i kinda like their way of living. you may say i 'chong yang mei wai' or whatever. i just kinda yearn for the kind of freedom that exists in that society. there are things that i wanna try out, life that i wanna experience but i doubt i would be able to experience them down here. coz maybe the people here are just a bit too conservative. i am conservative also, in some ways. if given the chance and the opportunity, i would love to try out some extreme sports. i kinda feel it quite cool to do those kinda stuff. when i see it on tv, i could just imagine myself trying it out and feel the adrenaline rush. that must've felt great. what a life. maybe scorpios are like that, more into extreme sports kinda thing. if i was given the chance to be famous, i suppose i would choose to be famous either as a drummer of a rock band, a renowned DJ or perhaps a winner in the X-games. kinda impossible i would say. i admit that i kinda suck where making music is concerned, my grades in music has always been kinda shitty. having problems coordinating my body to the beat, let alone being a DJ or a drummer. X-games winner?...hmm...not possible too. not at this age. too late to start out too. maybe i should just forget bout stuff like this and move on with my life as a commoner.
'commoner' that is one thing i would never want to be coz i don't want to be common. i am an individual and i believe i should be somewhat different from the others and ought to be someone special? maybe i'm just dreaming. if i'm really dreaming, then i would hope that the dream come true for i do not wish to live my life just like that. i believe i can make a difference. sounds kinda ego huh. don't like it? so sue me :b
there is a certain part of me that i would like to change though. that would perhaps be the jealousy part i suppose. i am VERY possessive. i don't know why. i don't like people to touch my stuff. i kinda wanna do things my way most of the time. when i've arranged my stuff in that particular manner, i don't expect anyone else other than me to change the way it is. since young, i've always taken stuff from my brother with or without his permission and he just doesn't really mind. but it's a totally different case for me. i don't let him touch my stuff. i would shout, scream, fight, argue, cry if he messes up my stuff or whatever. sounds kinda childish huh...this is me. i don't think i've changed much from my previous self...ok. i don't scream, cry or shout over that kinda stuff anymore. that's about all. to put it in a nice way, i would say that i respect other people's privacy and i expect the others to do the same too. or to put it in another way, i'm a selfish bastard.
due to the possessive nature of mine, i suppose it's understandable that i get jealous easily too. i don't really get jealous of people who own what kinda good stuff or whatever. maybe i do, but not that often. no point in me getting jealous i suppose. he's he and i'm me. that's it. case closed. however, i do get jealous easily when it comes to relationships. i'm not talking only about BGR here but also referring to relationships with people and such. i know that the feeling exists within me. but i try to ignore that feeling coz i know that it would lead to nowhere if i care too much. maybe it's because of this that i've become like this...kinda heck care attitude about everything else around me when in fact i do actually give a damn? sometimes i don't really give a damn...only i would know when.
hmm...just kinda remembered one of the few things that is troubling me. my relationship with my ex-class people. we just ain't that close anymore. maybe i chose not to be close to them anymore or maybe they just chose to carry on with their lives without me or maybe even both. the feeling just kinda sucks. you know that they're your 'friends' but you just don't feel like talking to them about stuff anymore when in the past you would bare your heart out to them. maybe it just ain't that good to bare one's heart out to so many people. i'm kinda dumb i must admit. i trust people easily. i value my friends more than anything else. that's the problem i suppose. would do anything for them if it's within my means and if it doesn't clashes with my moral integrity :\ it's kinda sucky when you tell you friends stuff which you intend to let them know only and they go around telling the whole world about it also. maybe that's the reason why i chose to distant myself from them. or maybe it's just him. i don't know. i can no longer differentiate them from each other. all of them seems the same to me. i seem to be having problems communicating with them already. i have problems linking myself to what they are saying about. their jokes are too 'funny' for me. there just ain't no fun in being with them anymore. it's kinda stressful even i must say...to try hard to link my thoughts to theirs. did they 'upgrade' their sense of humour or have i lost mine? this shit just ain't cool anymore. sometimes i just feel like telling them straight in the face that they are sounding kinda childish or are being excessively lame. but i doubt that would be of much help. i am just in no position to be of any help. i am no longer part of them. i don't know if they have noticed their change but those of us who have left the class certainly do. damn...why does things have to turn out this way? fuck it.
*repeated 'Eminem - Sing For The Moment' 13 times since i've started writing this entry. guess i'll get sick of this track soon enough.
-forgot my name at 4:04 AM
Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 11:42 PM
You're nothing, really. But you're nice.
What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have been involved in a shameful online RPG,
and your soul will never be clean. You've
soiled the memory of a dead author and
neglected yourself and other human beings for
months at a time; there is no way to make up
for this. The Lord has turned His eyes from you
forever!
Keep back, you utter trash!
Why Will You Go To Hell?
brought to you by Quizilla
Avril Lavigne, she's a disgrace to your kind.
What annoying Celebrity would you most likely wanna kill?
brought to you by Quizilla
Solo Acoustic..You're someone that doesn't need to
be with somebody else. you can hold your own,
and still be entertaining. Maybe you'll be as
good as Chris Carraba one day!
What kind of band should you belong to?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 5:47 PM
You're nothing, really. But you're nice.
What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 2:02 AM
nah...the topic ain't that true. you can't believe everything that i say. i lie quite a lot in the blog (so sue me). life's been going on pretty fine these days. nothing serious has cropped up or any other shit of that sort. so i could consider it plain boring. i need some stimulations in my life...perk me up. wake me up. let me feel that i'm still living my life and not existing as the others are.
i suppose it's true that blogging can become addictive sometimes. when you find that you have nothing to do, you just kinda like want someone to talk to or just someone to listen to you complain about every other things in life. that's when blogs come in i suppose. lets you do whatever you want with it. be whoever you want to be. talk it over with yourself. that's it. kinda realizing that more and more people are blogging nowadays. maybe it's because of peer influence though. when one starts to blog, others also start too. thinking that it might be quite fun to do so. but how many will really last through the long run? i dunno. blogger is actually a nice thing to have especially for people like me who talks to myself most of the time (no i'm not crazy. i talk to the inner part of me. don't understand? so sue me). maybe i'm true according to the personality test. i'm more of an introvert than an extrovert. i keep things to myself. i'm a psychopath. so? i'm me.
guess i'll be rather busy this holidays. schedule is pretty tight already. got training tomorrow which will take up the whole day. hope the teacher will let us know of the team list. end our sufferings. let us anticipate and worry no more. sunday...will be going for the party and stuff. i'm also having a class gathering sorta thing so i'll hafta think over which one to pon first. maybe i could go for the gathering first then go for the clubbing and such. think i'll be too lazy to go for the gathering. damn. whatever. monday...someone's birthday. yupz. will be celebrating with her. hope it turns out good. think i just suck at planning activities. totally no idea on how to make a day fun or whatsoever. maybe i'll hafta sought some ideas from others. don't want to make the day lousy for her. it's her birthday after all. for the rest of the week, think i'll be having trainings and stuff. will probably be leaving my tutorials till term reopens. i'm just beginning to slack again. damn...i'm enjoying every moment of it though. hope i could pick up again after the one week break. gotta work hard. i doubt i have much of a choice left...just gotta slog my way through these 2 years. then i'll be a free man i suppose. gotta be enjoying every moment of my life.
doubt i'll have much time to blog the next few days. just look at my schedule above and you'll know right. damn...i'll just be too damn shag to come online even i think. will just start to stone in front of my lousy monitor and doze off. what a low down life i'm living. i'm just like reaching a point whereby i'm outta stuff to say and just crapping my way through this entry. what the hell (i'm still crapping). i'm just not in the mood to do anything related to school now. totally feel like slacking. haven't attended any lessons at all for today(i mean friday). i just skipped everything. reached school late then had no mood or whatsoever. let the tutors just assume that i'm absent or whatever. i can't really be bothered. kinda wasting my time going to tutorials. tutors are laming around in class also. not learning much stuff. rather stone in lounge i suppose. guess i'll end here. running outta ideas to crap even. what the hell. hope i'll be able to blog again tomorrow. wonder what we'll be doing for training tomorrow though. haven't got wind of any friendly matches for the guys. hmm...
-forgot my name at 2:01 AM
Blog Blog Blog
am i just plain bored or what...i'm blogging again. damn. think i must've been damn bored sitting in front of my comp with nothing to do. i can't get online right now. typing this entry in 'wordpad' which i always do. i kinda like the alignment of the characters and everything in wordpad so i'd rather use wordpad than microsoft word or whatever. my brother's hogging the internet dial-up account over at KL and there cannot be two connections from one single account at one time. so i'll just have to wait till my brother's done with whatever he's doing before i can do anything about it.
think i'm gonna be damn broke once again this holiday. so many people's birthday coming up at the same time. not much choice for me but to shag my wallet over and over again. thought the money i've been saving these few weeks could be put to some good use for this holiday and for buying something special for her. but the unexpected birthdays of so many people has just added on to my troubles. no idea what to buy for everyone so i'm just like chipping in for the birthday presents for my class people and letting the rest of them decide on exactly what to buy for those birthday girls.
i'm totally not in the mood to study already. already switched to 'holiday mode' i suppose. been going to school the past few days and just sleeping my breaks or lectures away in the reading room. damn tired. not even doing anymore tutorials. just can't really be bothered about doing all those stuff since the term's gonna end soon and most of our teachers would be reshuffled. guess my class people are kinda keen on staying together as a class or whatsoever. i'm not exactly against that. but i do welcome the idea of reshuffling the people in the class. coz i would definitely like to meet more people. make new friends and such. doubt i'll be participating in the orientation again so it's always good to make more friends in school i suppose.
gotta go rack my brains over exactly what to buy for her as a birthday present. can't seem to see things that are really nice or really exceptionally wonderful in town today. guess i'll just have to use a bit of my 'creativity' and try to come up with an unique kinda gift. lol~
still can't connect online. was supposed to end already but since there's nothing much for me to do, guess i'll just type in some more stuff. hmm...heard the team list is kinda out already. wonder if i would still be in the team. not exactly worried about it coz if i can't make it again this year, there's always next year for me but not for the rest of the guys. so i don't really mind if i don't make it. i would rather give the other guys the chance to play for the school this year. it will be fun and exciting. we're gonna work our way all the way to the top so let's get going guys~
-forgot my name at 11:49 PM
Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
Everyday
What Dave Matthews Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You'd shoot them
How would you kill someone
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 12:16 AM
Thanks
it's getting kinda late now...so i guess i'll try to keep this short. i seriously need to catch some sleep. haven't really slept yesterday and i've been having insomnia for the past week or so. no idea why. since after the JAE thing, i've been having insomnia till now. i could just lie on the bed for an hour or two and find myself totally unable to get to sleep. maybe it's because of the new pillows, new bedsheet. but i don't think it really matters that much. something seems to be bothering me but i can't really seem to figure out exactly what is bugging me. my brain just seems to be super active the moment i try to sleep and thoughts just keep on running through my head uncontrollably. maybe i'm over-stressed. i dunno.
this feeling sucks. hope i'll be able to sleep well later. things are settling down at home now. the past 24hrs has been totally crap. what the hell. i shall not elaborate on that part though. family problem. quarrel quarrel and quarrel. that's about it. cold war between my mum and my dad right now. better this than they start another argument. things will turn out well i hope. just to inform you people who are reading this shit here, my handphone's auto-roaming has been terminated. yes. i've been unable to control myself and have just failed to keep the bill down. hope this last resort would work out.
isn't it amazing how one could just find the inspirations to write and write and write when they are feeling sad or whatever. maybe this is life. happy times pass us by so quickly yet sorrows linger around us. first time i'm blogging so intensively i must admit. i guess i must be damn bored or maybe i'm just such a loner i can't find someone to talk to that i have to resort to blogging to sort out my damn thoughts.
i've just found out a new part of me today i think. a part of me that i've never seen before i must admit. a part of me that's been growing within me without me noticing it at all. this is just so cool. maybe i'm just dumb or whatever. i can't really seem to bring my sorrows to others around me. i just would force myself to make merry when i'm with the right bunch of guys no matter how troubled i am. i was crapping my way through tutorials with my group members and such but once the lesson ends and we start to walk about, there's this sudden surge of loneliness running through me. i have no idea why. maybe i'm feeling that because few really knows me. knows the real me. some of you out there would be able to see that i'm unhappy despite the brave front that i put on today. and very few of you have seen my real side. the ugly side of me. the totally pissed side of me. those who know me well, will probably know what i am capable of doing once they see me with that face. it's just such an unmistakable face which would probably say 'don't mess with me. don't. ever.'
ought to take this opportunity to thank all those people who've stood by me through rain and storm, through thick and thin. thanks. my heart remembers you. just thought that i'd feature this song too. it's nice. my type of songs.
Feeder - "Just The Way I'm Feeling"
Love in, love out,
Find the feeling
Scream in, Scream out,
Time for healing
You feel the moment's gone too soon,
You're watching clouds come over you.
Torn in two,
You close your eyes for some place new,
Torn in two
And I feel it's going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
I'm waiting for your healing hand,
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
It's just the way I'm feeling.
Glow in, burn out,
Lost the feeling
Bruise in, you bruise out,
Nurse the bleeding
Torn in two,
Each time we bruise
And I feel it's going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
I'm waiting for your healing hand,
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
It's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
Two different views,
As words confuse and break
I can't get out,
There's no way out of here,
I can't get clear.
Love in, love out,
Find the feeling.
And I feel it's going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
I'm waiting for your healing hand,
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
It's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
-forgot my name at 12:57 AM
Run Away
not my usual time of the day to blog again...my usual blogging time would be 3am or somewhere around there. a time where it's all quiet and no one to talk to so i could concentrate on sorting out my thoughts. it doesn't mean that i am able to sort out my thoughts thoroughly right now but that i'm feeling kinda vexed or troubled or pissed off or simply, whatever.
feel like running away from everything around me. to a land where no one knows who i am, no one gives a damn about me except myself. to live a life of my own. to be who i want to be. to be free from all the restrictions imposed upon me. my relationship with my family haven't been going on quite well i suppose. my mum's been nagging at me and scolding me almost 24/7 about a lot of things. the way i spend money, the way i dress, the way i gel my hair, the way i spend my time in front of my computer and the way i spend my time on my cca. what the hell. can't she just leave me alone? i suppose that just because i've retained means that i have to spend 24/7 studying and doing stuffs related to school work. what the fuck. i don't like to talk to my family about the stuffs i do and they don't question much about it either. when they ask about my results, i would just reply in a few words for example:
m�m: have you gotten your tests back?
son: ya.
m�m: how many marks did you get for the tests?
son: 60+.
m�m: *nags. nags. and nags.* no A's? *nags. nags. and nags.*
son: *goes on doing his own stuff and ignores the nagging.*
note that this conversation is done in chinese coz i come from a mandarin speaking family.
i don't know man...this just feels kinda sucky. i've gotten the result slip already. the 1st term report slip. haven't shown them yet. it's not very good i suppose...considering the fact that the topics and tests are relatively simple and i've done them before. ABBB. the results that i have gotten. i'm quite happy with it already. first time i've gotten a pass and a B for my Maths C in JC. what an achievement. but some people just seems to keep asking for more. maybe it's because i get contented with results easily, i don't know. think her ideal son would be those kind who stays at home 24/7 and reads books and studies diligently. but i am totally not that sort. i've totally disappointed her in that aspect i suppose. i can't sit down and study continuously for more than half an hour. i need to get a move around the house or do something else every little while. studying is just not my cup of tea. if you ask me to think of some designs or fix up something, i could work on it for hours till i've figured the whole thing out. studying? screw it.
i do admit that i've been spending way too much money nowadays. especially my phone bill. near 700 bucks for 3 months' bill. that's crazy i agree. but i've tried my best to cut down already. i just need more time. the latest phone bill is 140+ which is half of the previous month's bill. it's a great accomplishment i would say. but my parents think otherwise. they expect it to be not more than 50. and now they're threatening to terminate my line. wow. what the fuck. no comments about it. i don't wish to talk to them about it. that's the whole problem with me i suppose. i don't like to talk about my problems. i try to solve my own problems my own way. if i can't solve them, i bear the consequences by myself. that's the whole point isn't it? i suppose so. i don't run away from the problems. maybe i do. i don't know.
sometimes i really wonder how many of us think of committing suicide. frankly speaking, i do. yes. the only problem is that i don't have the balls to do it. it's not a very good thought i suppose. it may seem a cowardly act to escape from all the problems facing the person but it takes a special kind of courage to do it i suppose. maybe it's not all about escaping from the problems but the will and desire to abandon this life and start afresh. hmm...doesn't sound too healthy to be thinking about this kinda things at such an age i suppose. maybe i need some serious counselling...i'm just mentally unstable. maybe one day if i really kill myself, someone ought to inform my parents about this blog. haha...
kinda find that i'm becoming more and more rebellious. am i? or maybe i'm just trying to gain more freedom and independence? i don't know. i tend to wanna do things my way. i no longer listen to my parents' nagging...whether they be good or bad. i just kinda want to follow the voice inside my head. coz i know what i really want and they don't. they don't know me. they just want me to be the 'me' that they want to know...trying to mould me into the typical son they want or others already have. i just hate it when they compare me with others' sons or daughters. if they think that they're much better than me, why don't they just go and make them their sons or daughters? i won't really mind. i am simply me. does it really matter how clever or how obedient others' sons or daughters are? i don't give a damn about others. they find that i'm asking for too much outta my life and i'm comparing myself too much with the rich. am i? they're just comparing me too much with the poor i suppose. why can't they understand the fact that i do not wish to be compared to others? will comparing me to others make me any better? i don't give a fuck about how others think of me coz i know who i am.
my parents say that i'm not thinking for them. i don't think about how hard they're working to earn money for me and i'm splurging away their money. yes i agree that i'm kinda splurging away the money but that doesn't mean that i don't think for them. i don't just splurge. i save, i splurge. that's about it. i cut down on my expenditure on food and i spend the money on wherever i want to spend. as simple as that. they just tend to look at one side of things. just because they can't see that i'm saving, doesn't mean that i'm splurging. just because they don't see me studying, doesn't mean that i have not studied. just because they don't see me thinking, doesn't mean that i'm not thinking. they just don't see the whole picture don't they. basically they don't see me studying is because they are not at home most of the time. do they expect me to pretend that i'm studying when they're around? sorry, but i can't do it. get someone else to do the job. i quit.
maybe i should let them see this blog, translate this whole shit out and print it out for them. use it as a guide to raising me as an individual. haha...sounds kinda interesting doesn't it? oh fuck it. i just suck at expressing what i want. my biggest flaw in life.
-forgot my name at 7:29 PM
I am the 
Which smiley are you?
-forgot my name at 5:16 PM
I am in 85% control of my life. Who controls yours? quiz by midgetfarm.com
MidgetFarm.com rated me 65% exciting. How exciting are you?
I'm Zack. Which Saved by the Bell character are you?
-forgot my name at 5:11 PM
not really in the mood to blog right now...not my usual time of the day to blog. i'm just kinda bored so i'm typing something here in case others accuse me of being a slacker and not update my blog from time to time. having a running nose right now and i'll be going off for my hockey training in just a while. damn the stupid weather...sunny and rain...unpredictable.
i find it hard for me to push myself to do some work recently. totally have no mood to do anything. guess it's because the march holidays are just around the corner...one more week of school and i'm over and done with the first term. these three months seems rather short to me, don't really remember myself doing much stuff in school. maybe it's because i'm having such a tight schedule that i haven't had time to notice how the world moves on around me. school work's not that busy for me this year though...maybe it's because it's only the first three months and i've done all these shit before last year. it's just like plain-sailing for me up till now. can't imagine how life would be for me next year when everything seems so unfamiliar to me and i'll have to slog my way through again. damn...what a life.
think i'll go and pack my stuff now. will probably blog again tonight or maybe tomorrow. i don't know. it depends on my mood and whether i have any stuff to write. will be having a friendly match against some secondary school later...it's said to be pretty good so i suppose we'll have to put up a strong fight against them and see how it goes.
-forgot my name at 11:36 AM
Choices II
didn't notice that it's been 3 days since i've really posted something until tabbie and jing reminds me. feeling kinda cold right now though it's bright and sunny outside. hope i'm not developing a fever. i've been rotting away in my house for the past few days. it's kinda sucky but i do cherish these few days of break. at least i can just relax my mind and slack my ballz off. o_O
kinda misses school life now. isn't it contradicting how one would miss school during the holidays and yearn for the holidays once the school term starts? i don't think i'm yearning for all the lectures and the tutorials but actually the company of my 'brothers' in school. it's just boring staying at home when all the others are schooling...don't know who to ask out...no one to chat to online...no one to crap with. damn.
somehow i think that i've lost the motivation to do work once again. oh man...not again. i've totally lost the mood to do anything related to school. haven't even touched my pencil case after friday. if this continues on, i may well be repeating another year of J1 again...lol~ i hope not. it'd better not be the case. actually i'm beginning to wonder if i should stay on in JC once again. i wonder if this is really the life that i want; the path that would lead me one step closer to my dream. maybe...i cannot say for sure. for i do not know what lies ahead of me. come to think of it, if i was given the chance to quit JC and move on to poly, i would do so. yes. i would definitely move on. i totally have no idea how the subjects i'm studying right now would be linked to the course that i would be doing in University. i would be going into business if my results permits me to do so. and what the hell has physics and the stupid maths got to do with business study? although econs may seem to be somehow linked, my tutor has basically assured me that it has no linkage at all. wow...then why the hell am i still in JC?
basically i'm still here because my parents have not given me their consent on me quitting JC. i've told them one hundred and one reasons why i should quit JC but they still insist that i continue studying here. their reason: since you can make it to JC, why waste the chance? sounds kinda dumb, doesn't it? i suppose that would be the basic explanation as to why most parents would want their child to go to JC. however, i feel that there is actually another answer to my question which they would rather not say it out: face. damn me for performing so well in PSLE and getting into TCHS. all these have made my parents so proud and they simply cannot accept the fact that such a 'promising' kid would want to give up the chance to be in JC and study in a polytechnic. screw the society for making JCs seem so wonderful. just screw it.
another reason that i would stay on in JC would be because of the friends that i have here now. it's hard to abandon such a nice bunch of friends that i would probably not find elsewhere. all the fun we had, all the crazy shit we did, how could i forget them. although people may say that even if i quit JC, we would still be friends and we would definitely be keeping contacts with each other still. would that be the case? i do not know. all i know is that relationships would drift IF i leave for poly. we may still be in touch with one another for a month, two months, three months, or even a year. but god knows if we would still be in contact after that. i doubt so. i would have the rest of my poly education to get over and done with and you people would most probably be slogging through your NS. what the hell. the feeling of losing contacts with friends sucks...i've already lost contact with several of my good friends in chi high and i do not wish for that to happen too. damn.
this is life i suppose. choices have to be made. fates sealed by the choices we make. i really think i have to make a choice seriously. no point letting my fate being sealed by others. i want to be in control of my life. can i?
'Forgive and forget so you do not relive and regret' <--- this is my new quit message for irc. not bad eh...i find it quite nice and sets me to thinking about the way i deal with relationships with people. basically i forgive people easily and i do not relive and regret upon any choices that i've made. so that leaves me with one problem, i do not forget. i do not forget the pain that others have inflicted upon me. my memory simply does not allow me to forget things.
-forgot my name at 6:14 PM
Take the ICQuiz!
Take the Purrsonality Quiz!
-forgot my name at 2:00 AM
Your Q Score is: 11
The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.
Your Primary Mythical Creature
Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.
Satyr
Water with Earth
Astrologically associated with Scorpio and the Eighth House
Satyr types are warm and sociable but also enigmatic and mysterious. They are sensitive to others� feelings and moods and are extremely insightful and perceptive. They feel a need to relate intimately with others and they often do so through sensual pleasures. However, they also have a tendency to be cautious and guarded and they need to maintain their privacy. This behavior confuses others and makes them appear unpredictable and capricious. They want to control over themselves and others in order to feel secure. They also want to merge with others to feel a sense of unity. They are frequently attracted to art and design, especially if it involves the natural world. They have a deep love of nature. They are imaginative and enjoy combining their creative urges with sensual pleasures in a productive way.
Your Shadow Creature
Air Types
All the Air types have problems relating to irrationality and trust. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.
Firebird
Air and Fire
This shadow is intolerant and unforgiving and prone to revenge for imagined slights using passive aggression. In the absence of a moderating factor they are at the mercy of transient emotional states. A sense of inferiority leads to overcompensation. They lack motivation and are prone to apathy. At the same time they want to have control over others so that they can play the autocrat and enjoy the fruits of other people�s labor and claim credit for their accomplishments. They unreasonably expect the worst from people and consequently get it as a self-fulfilling prophesy. Their logic is faulty and self-defeating. The biggest obstacle of weak Fire is to overcome anger and aggression; the biggest obstacle of weak Air is to overcome prejudice and ignorance.
My personality is rated 38. What is yours? quiz by midgetfarm.com
-forgot my name at 10:23 PM
What's Your True Element?
brought to you by Quizilla
What's your personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
My bumper sticker says...
take the quiz!
Which Vagrant Story Character should be Yours?
brought to you by Quizilla
take the death quiz.
and go to mewing.net. laura = great.
take the antisocial test.
and go to mewing.net. because laura's feeling social.
I'm a Fire Spirit
take free enneagram test
-forgot my name at 8:50 PM
You are a Dubliner.
What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are "G.O.D." ... "Groove Over
Dose!" You might not have the look, or the
best means to prove yourself, but people
generally like you anyway. Just make sure to
wash frequently, and try not to look like a
child molester, because you probably don't want
to look like one. You work hard, but are fun-
loving. I like that.
What male k-pop group are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Adelbert Steiner!
Which Final Fantasy IX character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
YOU EAT PEOPLE!!!
what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 8:07 PM
You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 5:44 PM
Choices
i have no idea what this is i am feeling right now. just went online and saw dennis online. heard that he will not be able to stay on in aj anymore. it's been less than a month since i know him but somehow i'm feeling sad that he's not able to stay. i was hoping that he would be able to stay on...at least there would be one less mugger in the school. now that things have turned out like this, i really dunno how the hell i am going to face all those mugging pieces of shit in the school for two more years. all the best to dennis in his future endeavours.
isn't it amazing how some people in this world could actually piss you off in just an instant and make you feel like killing them? it is to me. i don't know how i've actually managed to spend a year with this guy around me and look upon him as a friend of mine when i actually hate him so deep down in me. i don't know if i've mentioned this in my previous entries but i'll just say this again. i'm not a person who can stand insults. not unless you can prove that you are better than me in every ways. so i don't suppose anyone would have the right to insult me as a human being, me as a friend, me as someone who's able to think and feel. if you have anything you don't like about me, just spit it straight in my face. i'll give you my feedbacks about it or i'll just give you a punch in the face. that's it. nothing too complicated. another thing would be that you should never insult any friends of mine. no matter how loserish he may seem to all of us. at least show some respect for that pathetic soul. i simply cannot stand people talking bad about me or whatsoever behind my back. i don't like to be kept in the dark that's for sure.
i seem to be losing several of my friends nowadays. i cannot be sure of that. all of us used to be on pretty good terms until one by one we left the school or left the class. leaving the rest of them to the manipulation of that bugger at the other side. can a person's attitude and character really change within a few months' time? i don't think so. he may seem a 'changed' person but i'd prefer to see him as another of those losers putting on a facade in front of that ugly face of his. i don't know how things have turned out this way now. is there anything i could do to turn back the tide? i don't know. i don't wish to lose those friends and i really treasure the fond memories we used to have. but judging from the way things are now, i don't think i could really associate myself with them much more. they have changed. not for the better, but for the worse. at least that's what me and the others think. what the hell is wrong with them? i don't think they can see the change in them themselves and neither do the people in the class. they have become accustomed to their 'erratic' behaviour as time goes by. for those of us who have left the class, we could see the change in them. a very drastic change. maybe life's like this. some of us change, while others remain the same. but i simply could not see the rationale in them becoming such lamers. i suppose they could resist changes or simply go with the tide. it's hard to resist change for almost everyone in this world. so going with the tide would be an easy way out i suppose. i do not blame them. but i do blame the one responsible for the change. may that bugger get the hell out of our lives and take off that ugly facade of his. show your face to the world, you muthafucker.
-forgot my name at 11:59 AM
i dunno. but i think i just screwed up my freaking life once again. what the hell have i done? i don't know. my fault? i think so. the problem? i don't know. result? blog.
think i'm just a bit too hard to comprehend. am i really that hard to understand? i don't know. you people can be the judge. i must admit that very few people around me knows me very well. as in those types who could tell what i want or what i'm feeling without me saying it out. there's only 2 people in my life who are able to do that i think. or at least i think they can. is that too much to ask for? i don't know.
can someone just slap me and get me to wake up from this shitty feeling i'm having right now? i wish someone could. just what the hell is wrong with me? i don't know. i just can't seem to tell right now. something's bothering me. i think i know the problem but i just refuse to say it out. damn. should have just gone to sleep just now. what the hell did i stay online for? i just like to get myself in all kinds of deep shit i think. what the hell. screw it.
i sometimes wonder...do i really understand myself? i think so. but do others understand me? i don't think so. that's the problem. i tend to expect others to understand what i'm feeling when i don't think they would. oh. great. what a fucker i am. just fuck it. that's always been the case since young i suppose. i know what i would want but i just don't want to say it out. what the fuck is wrong with me? how the hell would others know what i want if i don't say it out. i'm but a human being. others can't read my mind and neither can i read theirs. i'm just such a freaking asshole. not saying out what i want and then after the whole damn thing i'll just be brooding over the freaking shit. it's just like...what the fuck. i don't know. i don't think i'm in a right frame of mind to blog currently but i'll just blog anyway coz i'm feeling quite pissed with myself at the moment? would have whacked something if i could. i could do it actually. but i just refuse to. coz i've been there, done that before. it ain't fun. sometimes i just wish that i wouldn't have to blog so often. nothing good seems to be featured in my blog. maybe i am the one who should be getting a low down life and just screw myself and die.
i don't think i'm that great as a person anyway. i'm but a piece of shit trying to prove to the world that i don't stink. is that possible? i don't think so. the problem why i don't talk about serious stuff with others is probably because i just can't seem to continue the conversation well enough. i know it. but i just refuse to say it out. i'm just such a muthafucker. so maybe you people will understand why i talk so much shit around. i just ain't cut out to divulge my true feelings or whatsoever. i'm such a hypocritic piece of shit. i am troubled. yet i refuse to show it. the reason why i don't want to show? coz i don't want others to bother about my problems. yet i do want them to care for me at the same time? just what the fuck do i want? why can't i just make up my fucking mind? i don't get it.
can i still take it? i don't know. i don't know how much i can tolerate with myself. maybe one day i'll just burst into flames. how i simply wish i could do that...
Incubus - Pardon Me
A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory;
an ominous landscape of never ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.
Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," cause' lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
and thinking so much differently.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.
guess this is just what i needed. this song just kinda says it all. i don't know if i could rise above the flames if indeed i burst into flames. maybe i'll just end up being devoured by the flames and my pathetic life will thus come to an end. i really wonder what life would be like without me. maybe i'm so insignificant that people wouldn't be affected at all. life just goes on. time waits for no one. who am i anyway to have such a great impact on the people around me. some people are like telling me how great a friend i am...is that really the case? i don't know. maybe i'm just being nosey. i just like to get myself involved in all kinds of shit. after all, i'm but a piece of shit myself. so what difference does it make? i remember my friend telling me once that i should not doubt my own capability or my character. i don't know. i suppose i'm the sort who needs to live in a world of fallacy and lies. lies that would cheat me on forever. lies that would make me believe that i am really capable of achieving things in life. lies that would give me the confidence to face the world with pride. but unfortunately, that world doesn't exist. so i ain't who i think i am. nor am i what i think i will be in the future. i don't know. did this dumb quiz previously that tells me i'm in 85% control of my life. oh really. i think 85% actually refers to the people around me. i only control 15% of my life. i don't know why. but the reason i seem to exist currently is because of the people around me. without them, i doubt i would be around anyway. i doubt i would be needed elsewhere too. will my life really be so pathetic as to the point whereby no one would eulogize me on the day i die and i will simply fade away from the face of the earth. maybe there just isn't anything worth to mention about me. save the lies. for i want to die as innocent as a baby. save me from the facade that you all have imposed on me.
guess i'm just such an asshole. i hate hypocrites yet sometimes i feel that i am one myself. maybe that's the reason why i hate myself so. the thought just simply exists within my sub-conscious mind i suppose. i do not like to lie for i see no point in lying when the truth would eventually come to light. however i would substitute lies with silence for the fear of gettin my own ass into trouble. this is me. i don't know. how many of you out there would come to my rescue on the day when i really need help. i don't know. maybe none would come. or maybe there would be just one or two whom are on rather good terms with me right now. but will it stay the same for the rest of your life? i doubt so. i may seem to be your good friend right now but you might eventually find someone who's more to your liking a few years later and i would eventually be forgotten. this is life. is there really such a thing as 'friends forever'? nothing lasts forever if you want to go by my philosophy of life. everything comes to an end. that's the way it is. it may be sad but life's like this and we just have to take it in our stride and move on. or else we would be stuck forever.
think i'm just feeling too shitty right now to do any proper and positive thinking. nothing seems to be going right at this point of life for me. shit happens i know. but far too much shit is happening and it makes me wonder is the problem with me or is it the shit's problem? either way it's my problem. so i guess i just have no one other than myself to blame for this pathetic life that i'm having right now. i feel like running away from it all now. there doesn't seem to be any point in me continuing on anymore. is this the end? i hope not. i'm only 17. maybe i'm just thinking far too much. i ought to be enjoying my life instead of rotting my ass off in front of my computer everyday. what's this? this is life? if it is, then fuck it. this is not the type of life i want. i don't know. i'm sick of it. sick of all this shit. i need to get a life. i guess i'm just lacking something spiritually. i need someone to talk to. someone to listen to. you may be willing to listen. but are you willing to share also? maybe that's the fucking problem with me. i bare my heart and soul to others and i expect others to do the same to me when i know that is not fucking possible. why can't i just get that through that thick skull of mine. is it really that hard to be truthful to me? am i really such a jerk that you people can't trust? i think i am. ok. my fault. i'm sorry. guess i'm just too plain dumb to be called human. i just can't lie well. not to my friends at least. i don't lie about myself. either i tell you, or i don't as simple as that. but if people asks, i would tell. no matter how hard it may be for me. that's maybe the way i use to gain others' trust in me i think. but does it work? i don't know. everyone's just different and i just can't seem to be expect every one else out there to start behaving like a jerk like me. i'm getting too selfish. maybe i'm just too narrow-minded. i just can't seem to open myself up to others that easily.
maybe i ought to talk a bit more about my family. i have a father, a mother and an elder brother. my family ain't rich. i don't know how you define rich coz i'm definitely not rich by my own standards. i just don't fucking see the reason why you people think i'm rich. fuck it. i lead a simple life. i don't ask for much in life. just fucking give me three meals to keep me alive and that's it. is that too much to ask for? i live in a terrace in malaysia. no, i don't live in a bungalow. yes, a lot of people are living in terrace houses too so i'm fucking not rich by any standards. i don't know how my parents earn a month coz i never seem to know how to calculate their earnings and the income of my family. i think my family's just barely surviving each month after deducting all the expenses required for my education and all the housing instalments that my parents have to pay. my parents and my brother are thrifty, maybe even to the extent of being a bit of a scrooge. but i somehow just seem to get a lot to spend. think my parents are doting on me too much. my parents have sort of realized it too and are kinda like trying to screw up my fucked up way of thinking that my parents are rather rich. sometimes i just think, maybe my family would've been much richer if not for me. coz i think i simply have spent too much up till now. maybe about RM$150k already up till now. my education fees are just fucking expensive. i shouldn't have agreed to going to singapore to study when i was young. just because of a nod of the head, my parents are slogging their life till now. what a fucker i am. and i'm just like disappointing them. i don't know if i should laugh or i should cry. maybe i should laugh. laugh at how silly i was all this while. what a fucker i am. this sucks. my school fees for a month is equal to half a year of my brother's school fees. that's the kinda difference that i'm talking about right here. maybe you people don't know. my school fees per month currently is about S$774 for a term. that is to say, 3 months. it's about the same as my chinese high school fees, just slightly more expensive. just a month of school fees for me is approximately equal to your school fees for 2 years already i suppose. why the fuck did i still continue to study here. just imagine the amount i would have saved if i had not studied. damn. should have just continued my education in malaysia. what a dumbass i am. i ought to spend less nowadays coz my brother's kinda in a private institution doing his Pre-U course which approximately costs about S$10k per year. may not seem a lot to some of you, but it's quite a heavy burden for my family already, considering the fact that it's also very costly to send me to school. maybe it's because i try to link too much to my multi-millionaire uncle who's working at his business right now. my mum is kind of like a shareholder in the company and it's sorta a family business. but my mum doesn't get paid anything at the moment. it's supposed to be left for the descendants to decide whether they still want to keep the business or whether it's time to wind it all up. this stupid thought of mine just kinda leads me to thinking that my family is rich i think. though i must admit that my uncle treats me very good and kinda has high hopes on me? i don't know. maybe he just likes me. i don't know. feeling kinda better now. pardon me if i've used too much vulgarities above. it's but another part of me.
-forgot my name at 2:37 AM
No Doubt - Running
Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side
Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
[Chorus:]
Running, running
As fast as we can
I really hope you make it
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up
[Repeat chorus twice]
(The future)
[Repeat chorus]
no idea why i featured this song too. just find it a beautiful song.
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are Vlad the Impaler. The man behind the legend
of Dracula. You hanged your victims, stretched
them on the rack, burned them at the stake,
boiled them alive, but mostly impaled them.
Most of your killings were politically targeted
but sometimes you killed just because you were
bored. Your "reign of terror" lasted
from 1456 to 1462. Estimated numbers of victims
vary between 30,000 and more than 100,000.
Evil Evil man. Fie on you!
Which Imfamous criminal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 10:25 PM
Fresh
i've just kinda tried out something new today. i went for a jog around my friendly neighbourhood. sad to say but i've never in my life tried jogging around this neighbourhood of mine coz it's like i don't see anyone jogging around here. people seem to be cycling and walking more often rather than jogging. so i think it's kinda extra for me to go jogging around. people might be wondering why the hell i'm running so fast for i suppose.
it wasn't a bad attempt though. never knew this neighbourhood of mine is so small. it's like i could even finish the run in 12 minutes and taking some turns here and there so that i would be running a longer distance. the whole distance is probably about 3km i suppose. not very sure. gotta ask my dad later on. i can't seem to gauge distances well. maybe i should try to jog further down...but maybe not coz the traffic's rather chaotic outta my neighbourhood. kinda hard to explain but it's like yah. that's it. i would wish to jog longer coz i think it's kinda fun to do so. i don't know. i'm just kinda freaky. finding jogging fun. especially long long distance. i could just work on the current distance i suppose and maybe say try to cut down my timing by half a minute everyday or something like that. quite fun i suppose. but i'd still rather jog further down. :b i just wanna run far far away so that when i get home, i'll be so damn dead beat that i don't feel like doing anything. that would be fun. erm...sounds kinda freaky again but yah. that's my point. i just wanna shag myself. maybe i'm really a BIT perverted i suppose. i've wanted to talk bout this for a long time already but i just keep forgetting to talk about this. i have this vision in my head. it's like...i long to be like Forrest Gump. i just totally love the scene whereby he just leaves his house one day and starts running for no reason. that's just totally so cool. he's just able to leave everything behind and not give a shit about anything. just run on and on without a destination in mind. think it's kinda hard to achieve that kinda state coz he must be damn freaking rich first of all or else he'd be starving himself to death along the way. that's just the kinda life i wanna live. in a small town whereby everywhere's peaceful and is far away from the hustle and bustle of city life. that's life.
wonder if you all have noticed that most of my entries in this blog aren't the kind of 'happy' entries that you would see on others' blog. i tend to blog when i'm feeling moody or rather disturbed by something and this is but a way for me to express myself. it's just kinda hard for me to express myself so thoroughly when i'm communicating with a 'live' person. i don't really understand why but i seem to project a different part of me when i'm online and offline. guess that's the way it is for most of the people around. anything is possible online. you can be who you want to be through the cyberspace. people doesn't even know who you are anyway. you may be just a loser in real life but when chatting online, you could even be the perfect man that every women desires of.
kinda notice that people tend to confide in me when they are troubled or something and i'm always glad to be of service to them all. it's kinda cool to know how others are thinking and help to solve others' problem. guess i tend to get to know others better through this way. i gain life experience through talking to them and i try my best to find a solution to their problem. however, i seldom talk to people about my problems. just like what the blood type analysis said about my personality. i try to solve things by myself. it's not that i don't trust others (maybe this is the case, i don't know) but it's like i kinda find it hard to get others to listen to my problems and try to solve them for me. guess i'm the type who would rather get myself involved in troubles than get others into trouble. so i tend to be kinda selfish in a way. you people confide in me, but i don't confide in you guys. you lose out in the end. i'll get to know all of your dark secrets but you will never get to know mine. : \
it's been kinda long since i did some self-reflections on myself already. just look at the length of my blog entries and you will know. the reflections entry are kinda lengthy most of the time. maybe i've run out of things to talk about on. or maybe i'm just plain lazy to think about pathetic life. i kinda find it amazing how two brothers' characters can be so completely different for my case. it's like my brother's the type of guy who's very down-to-earth i suppose. would just follow the society's norms; go to college. go to university. get a job with a good pay. live with it for the rest of his life. child repeats the cycle. hmm...that's way too politically correct for me i think. maybe i'm such a bastard to be talking bout such stuff behind his back but whatever. it's like i'd rather choose the type of stuff that i wanna do. i'd rather indulge in stuff i have interest in rather than torture myself in shit that i completely know nothing and would rather not know anything about. this is life for me. do what i want and be who i want to be. but people around me often tells me that with a degree, i'd be able to do that. is that really the case? i don't know. no one knows. for no one knows what the future may bring forth. i may just drop dead the next day. shit happens after all.
no idea why but i kinda still misses those days when i was in sec4. though a lot of mugging were involved, it was relatively a fun and fulfilling year for me. maybe it's due to the trip to Gunung Tahan which made me like that particular year so much. find it a pity that i did not bring my camera along for the trip. the scenery there is simply astonishing. damn. though our teacher-in-charge had published the photos on his webpage, it's only but a small fraction of what was really there out in the wild. among all the pictures published, i only keep one particular photo. which was the one taken on the peak with my expedition group. we were such a bunch of fun people. had loads of fun with those guys and the photo is really well-taken in my personal opinion. that was probably the only time i would want to take photos of things i suppose. i don't really take photos...if ever any of you are privileged enough to drop by at my house, you would find that there are VERY VERY few photos in my house. personally, i only keep less than 10. is that pathetic or what? i don't know. i don't like to take pictures coz i think i don't really look good in pictures or i simply don't want to be reminded of how ugly i look in it. there sorta seems to be a chance for me to relive the experience i had at Gunung Tahan soon. it's an expedition organized by the SRJC ODAC members. i can go becoz my friend is the organizer and he don't mind me sharing a part of the cost. i don't really know if i should go for it. should i leave the beautiful memory as it is, or should i TRY to relive that moment? what if i don't enjoy this trip as much as before? i don't know. maybe the friends that are going with you plays a very important role in this aspect. life is fun with them around. will it be equally fun without them? i'm not so sure about that.
I Mother Earth - Like The Sun
In light of my present mess
In light of my mental weather's turn
In light of all the crash and burn
I'll open my mind as wide as ever
The line behind the lesson
Soul in the open well
It might have been fate
It might have been fortune
It might have been wine and a mellow head
I'm finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You'll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise up and hold me now
I know that at times life kinda hurts
I know that I will live and learn
So more than survive
I will endeavour
The mind behind the message
Alone on an ocean swell
It might have been great
It might have gorgeous
It might have been why I've settled in
I'm finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You'll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise and show
A helpless man
A held out hand
Defining images
That flow through my hope
Surrender the broken moments
And pointing fingers
The closing of open minds
I might have been delayed
I might have been delirious
I might have been otherwise
Taking hammer blows
Like an animal
For others
So heavy was my way
I'm finding my way
Finding the words
One body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You'll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
I'm finding my way
I'm finding my words
I'm one body breaking
Someone come and rise up
Rise like the sun
You'll find the world
Somebody save me
Someone come and rise up
Rise and show
Show us
Something
okay...the title and the band name might seem a bit weird but it's still a nice song nonetheless.
-forgot my name at 9:49 PM
Personality: People get a great first impression from you. You look honest and trustworthy but at times you look so serious that people find it difficult to approach you. When things trouble you, they get bottled up right inside you. You'd rather deal with them on your own than to confide to others.
Love Tendency: It takes you a long time before you decide that you would like to go out with a particular person. You are very careful and that's why you will have only few serious relationships. The honest person you are, you will break it off with a partner if you realize you haven no affection for her.
Life: You love to pay attention to details, so everything you start has to stop with a hundred percent satisfaction. Your social skills are lacking. Therefore, a working place where much interaction is much needed isn't suitable for you.
Which monkey are you?
Another pointless diversion from Bijouriel
-forgot my name at 7:42 PM
...rhubarbrhubarbrhubarb- *aargh* |
 |
| You're an extra! |
|
You're the face in the crowd, the anonymous businessman, the giggling schoolgirl, the guy who gets trodden on by Godzilla. You don't have a name or a character or a backstory, and you'll probably be dead by the third scene. Don't under any circumstances tell the bloke next to you about the happy life you've got planned for after the war, if you want to see it. At all costs avoid lone swordsmen. Which generic anime character are you? |
-forgot my name at 9:28 PM
I'm Kimi, who are you? by Dru & Lexi
-forgot my name at 9:22 PM
You are the little prince.
Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 8:58 PM
Artist: Oasis
Album: (What's The Story) Morning Glory
Title: Wonderwall
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
Back beat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is
out
I'm sure you've heard it all before but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day but they'll never throw it back to you
By now you shoulda somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
don't really feel like blogging. thought i should just feature this song that i like at this moment. yes. i got sick of 'Sing For The Moment'. hereby dedicating this song to the very special you.
-forgot my name at 12:44 AM
dormancy
WHAT IS YOUR STATE OF LIFE?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 11:24 PM
congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
<|cYf|aMe> ur laughing thru ur tears...
ahh...what a good topic that is. that's what my friend told me. kinda reflects me i think. i was supposed to blog last night. but was kinda too tired to blog all the way and forgot to save the damn blog. now i've gotta try to repeat what i've typed last night. was talking to my friend about something...about my relationship with the guys from my ex-class. coz it's kinda like bothering me. i don't know why. i can't say that i hate them but the feeling is just like i don't feel like talking to them anymore.
i think i'm being selfish. sorry guys. maybe you people (hockey guys) have noticed that i'm kinda like spending more time with you all nowadays. think i'm using you all as an alternative or something like that i suppose. coz i just don't feel like being with those guys anymore. let me try to sort things out a little...you all are two different cliques altogether i think. very different. one is very havoc (you know which one i'm talking about) and the other is more kinda simple. sometimes i think you people are just too crazy for me you see. it's like you people are damn happening. it's fun i admit. but the expenses are like...wow. sorta gotta know some of you guys better nowadays. it's nice being with you all. the spirit's there...or should i say the kinda brotherhood is there. that's the word for it i suppose. the part whereby we stick by one another in times of trouble. some things that i would never have expected from the other bunch of guys.
come to think of it, i think the people who first comes to my mind when i require help would be the hockey guys. i don't know why. maybe we all have hockey sticks? i don't know. coz it's kinda like i know that you people would definitely help out without question i think. whereas the other bunch of guys are more 'tame'. hmm...someone once said that i'm a guy who's smart. street-smart. am i? i think i am to a certain extent. but i do try to get myself into troubles i think. that's fun. i don't know. one thing i would like to do before i really grow up would be to get myself in a fight or something like that. i don't know why. but i've always wanted to get into a fight. a real fight. whereby we just fight and laugh over it when we reflect upon it 60 years down the road and find that there's actually no reason behind the fight. that would be cool. that's life i suppose. crazy shit that i wanna do while i'm still young. after all, i only live once. so i suppose i should try out new stuff while i'm still living eh.
there's one damn problem with me. i am very prejudiced about people and i don't really forget things easily i suppose. well, basically, i don't think i've forgotten whatever that eugene has said to me or whatsoever. i kinda get the flare everytime i think of it? maybe it's not the flare but maybe a kind of regret. why didn't i express myself clearly to him? the only reaction i could think of at that point of time was to give him a straight punch in the face i admit. maybe i would feel much better after that but the problem is i did not react that way. damn...that must've been it: the crazy shit that i did when i was young. if i did that, then that would be the first time i ever hit someone other than my brother i suppose. almost smashed a chair into the face of a classmate of mine when i was in sec2. he irritated me real badly or should i simply say he pissed me off? held my temper then. that was kinda shitty though...thinking of doing that kinda things to a classmate of yours while you're still so young. i'm over-violent by nature i guess. wonder what i'll really do when i don't hold my temper anymore.
back to the topic i guess. well, the topic sorta like came about when i was telling this friend of mine how much i'm going through and stuff. coz it was like they used to be good friends of mine and now things have turned out this way. i'm rather helpless too. i don't like to explain matters too much coz i think that they would only complicate matters. i don't really want to be associated with them anymore. the feeling's just not right. it sucks. well, guess i'll just let it all out. kinda regret introducing them to her. i don't know why. it's like they seem to be getting along rather well. good friends and now i'm here feeling like this. i'm just kinda like being sandwiched. do i sit here and try to stand it? i don't know what i should do. they seem to be getting along quite well. good friends i suppose. hmm...even took neoprints together...without me. i don't know. just find it hard to not go when she's going out with them but i'm not really enjoying the outing. maybe the problem simply lies with me. i'm just an asshole who can't tolerate others' behaviour and such. what the fuck. how the hell did things turn out this way. guess i just screwed up my life once again. i don't wish for others to change because of me or even try to solve this shit. coz i am no longer interested to solve this shitty problem no more. i don't wanna be involved no more. just count me out. it's too much for me to take. maybe the saying's kinda true: 'dao bu tong, bu xiang wei mou'. since we no longer think along the same line, maybe it's better for us to part. the feeling may not be mutual but it does exist for me.
Jimmy Eat World - The Most Beautiful Things
You say the most beautiful things,
an endless list of treasures of trimmings.
It takes all my faith just to start
I don't care now how much I'm wrong
my song it shames your ears
every sentence a failure.
Slant rhyme is all I can give half truth is all I'll get.
Show us all what grace can mean,
all of what I might be.
Close your eyes call it escape.
We'll run away from everything
Lie to me,
love me
We'll run away from everything.
a beautiful track by jimmy eat world. it's kinda like one of my all-time favourite songs. i find the song kinda sad. kinda weird how i would define sad i suppose but i just have the feeling when i hear the song. i especially like the part about running away from everything. the thought just simply exists in my mind all the time. to run away. run away from everything. wonder when i'll be able to do that. very meaningful lyrics i must say...i don't care now how much i'm wrong. coz in the end, it doesn't really matter.
-forgot my name at 1:00 AM
Mitch
Which Mall Monkey Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
|
 I am a Halo.I believe I am perfect. Others may not think so, but those others are wrong. What Sort of Hat Are You? |
dude... you are so 16! for serious!
How old are you *looks around* REALLY?!
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 4:10 AM
Eminem - Sing For The Moment
[Verse #1]
These ideas are nightmares for white parents
Whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings
Like whatever they say has no bearing
Its so scary in a house that allows no swearing
To see him walking around with his headphones blaring
Alone in his own zone, cold and he dont care
He's a problem child, what bothers him all comes out
When he talks about his fuckin' dad walkin out
Cos he hates him so bad that he blocks him out
But if he ever saw him again, he'd prolly knock him out
His thoughts are whacked, he's mad so he's talkin' back
Talkin black, brainwashed from rock and rap
He sags his pants, 2 rags and a stocking cap
His step-father hit him so he socked him back
And broke his nose, this house is a broken home
There's no control, he just lets his emotions go
Come on...
[Chorus:]
Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me,just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
[Verse #2]
Entertainment is danger, intertwine it with gansters
In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum
Only you're unholy, only have one homey
Only this gun, lonely, cuz don't anyone know me
But everybody just feels like they can relate
I guess words are a motherfucker, they can be great
Or they can be great, or even worse, they can teach hate
Its like kids hang on every single statement we make
Like they worship us, plus all the stores ship us platinum
Now how the fuck did this metamorphasis happen?
From standin' on corners and porches just rappin'
To havin' a fortune, no more kissin' ass
But then these critics crucify you, journalists try to burn you
Fans turn on you, attorney's all gonna turn it to
To get their hands on every dime you have
They want you to lose your mind every time you mad
So they can try to make you out to look like a loose canon
You need to spew, dont hesitate to produce air-guns
Thats why these prosecutors wanna convict me
Swiftly just to get me offa these streets quickly
But all their kids been listen'n to me religiously
So i'm signing cds while police fingerprint me
They're for the judges daughter, but his grudge is against me
If i'm such a fuckin' menace, this shit doesnt make sense, Pete
It's all political, if my music is literal and i'm a criminal,
How the fuck can i raise a little girl?
I couldn't. i wouldn't be fit to
You're full of shit too, Guerrera, that was a fist that hit you!
[Chorus]
[Verse #3]
They say music can alter moods and talk to you
But can it load a gun for you and cock it too?
Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude
Just tell the judge it was my fault, and i'll get sued
See what these kids do, is hear about us toting pistols
And they want to get one, cos they think the shit's cool
Not knowin' we're really just protectin' ourselves
We're entertainers, of course this shit's affecting our sales
You ignoramus. but music is reflection of self
We just explain it, and then we get our cheques in the mail
It's fucked up ain't it, how we can come from practically nothin'
To bein' able to have any fuckin' thing that we wanted
It's why we sing for these kids that don't have a thing
Except for a dream and a fucking rap magazine
Who post pinup pictures on their walls all day long
Idolise their favourite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in they lives
So they sit and they cry at night, wishing they die
Till they throw on a rap record, and they sit and they vibe
We're nothing to you, but we're the fuckin' shit in their eyes
That's why we sieze the moment, and try to freeze it and own it
Squeeze it and hold it, 'cos we consider these minutes golden
And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone
Just let our spirits live on, through out lyrics that you hear in our songs
And we can
[Chorus]
[Chorus Without Beat]
[Instrumental]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Screwed
ahh...my usual blogging time at last. that's(topic) probably the state of my mind right now i suppose. i ain't pretty clear of my thought right now. something seems to be bothering me or rather a lot of things seems to be bothering me but it juz ain't clear to me. the feeling just sucks. well, the song featured above is probably the song that i like most right now? wonder when i'll get sick of that song. soon i suppose coz i tend to get sick of a song rather fast...maybe it's becoz of the way i listen to it. if i find the song damn nice, i would just keep on repeating the track on my playlist until i just get sick and tired of it (just like what i'm doing now).
the song title's pretty meaningful i must say. 'Sing For The Moment'...sorta applies to me though. i don't sing but i just kinda live for the moment. :\ i particularly like the first verse of the song coz it kinda reflects me? it doesn't reflect everything about me...not the part about hitting the father or getting hit by the step-father. but especially the part about the boy walking about with his headphones blaring and being brainwashed by rock and rap. kinda sounds like me. i kinda drown myself in music when i'm at home. if one day i find that i have hearing problems, i think i would understand why. even though the speakers are damn near to me, i just simply turn them out loud so that sounds of the surroundings can't really be heard. i don't know why but i just kinda like it that way. the same applies to me when my headphone's on. i remembered someone telling me that rock music is for people who are trying to escape or something like that...it kinda sounds true i suppose. at least it's true for me. i don't know what i'm escaping from. maybe i do. it's there somewhere i know, somewhere in my subconscious mind. i just don't want to know it coz maybe when i know it, i will try to do it.
sometimes i really wonder, what would life be for me if i was born in US instead. hmm...i kinda like their way of living. you may say i 'chong yang mei wai' or whatever. i just kinda yearn for the kind of freedom that exists in that society. there are things that i wanna try out, life that i wanna experience but i doubt i would be able to experience them down here. coz maybe the people here are just a bit too conservative. i am conservative also, in some ways. if given the chance and the opportunity, i would love to try out some extreme sports. i kinda feel it quite cool to do those kinda stuff. when i see it on tv, i could just imagine myself trying it out and feel the adrenaline rush. that must've felt great. what a life. maybe scorpios are like that, more into extreme sports kinda thing. if i was given the chance to be famous, i suppose i would choose to be famous either as a drummer of a rock band, a renowned DJ or perhaps a winner in the X-games. kinda impossible i would say. i admit that i kinda suck where making music is concerned, my grades in music has always been kinda shitty. having problems coordinating my body to the beat, let alone being a DJ or a drummer. X-games winner?...hmm...not possible too. not at this age. too late to start out too. maybe i should just forget bout stuff like this and move on with my life as a commoner.
'commoner' that is one thing i would never want to be coz i don't want to be common. i am an individual and i believe i should be somewhat different from the others and ought to be someone special? maybe i'm just dreaming. if i'm really dreaming, then i would hope that the dream come true for i do not wish to live my life just like that. i believe i can make a difference. sounds kinda ego huh. don't like it? so sue me :b
there is a certain part of me that i would like to change though. that would perhaps be the jealousy part i suppose. i am VERY possessive. i don't know why. i don't like people to touch my stuff. i kinda wanna do things my way most of the time. when i've arranged my stuff in that particular manner, i don't expect anyone else other than me to change the way it is. since young, i've always taken stuff from my brother with or without his permission and he just doesn't really mind. but it's a totally different case for me. i don't let him touch my stuff. i would shout, scream, fight, argue, cry if he messes up my stuff or whatever. sounds kinda childish huh...this is me. i don't think i've changed much from my previous self...ok. i don't scream, cry or shout over that kinda stuff anymore. that's about all. to put it in a nice way, i would say that i respect other people's privacy and i expect the others to do the same too. or to put it in another way, i'm a selfish bastard.
due to the possessive nature of mine, i suppose it's understandable that i get jealous easily too. i don't really get jealous of people who own what kinda good stuff or whatever. maybe i do, but not that often. no point in me getting jealous i suppose. he's he and i'm me. that's it. case closed. however, i do get jealous easily when it comes to relationships. i'm not talking only about BGR here but also referring to relationships with people and such. i know that the feeling exists within me. but i try to ignore that feeling coz i know that it would lead to nowhere if i care too much. maybe it's because of this that i've become like this...kinda heck care attitude about everything else around me when in fact i do actually give a damn? sometimes i don't really give a damn...only i would know when.
hmm...just kinda remembered one of the few things that is troubling me. my relationship with my ex-class people. we just ain't that close anymore. maybe i chose not to be close to them anymore or maybe they just chose to carry on with their lives without me or maybe even both. the feeling just kinda sucks. you know that they're your 'friends' but you just don't feel like talking to them about stuff anymore when in the past you would bare your heart out to them. maybe it just ain't that good to bare one's heart out to so many people. i'm kinda dumb i must admit. i trust people easily. i value my friends more than anything else. that's the problem i suppose. would do anything for them if it's within my means and if it doesn't clashes with my moral integrity :\ it's kinda sucky when you tell you friends stuff which you intend to let them know only and they go around telling the whole world about it also. maybe that's the reason why i chose to distant myself from them. or maybe it's just him. i don't know. i can no longer differentiate them from each other. all of them seems the same to me. i seem to be having problems communicating with them already. i have problems linking myself to what they are saying about. their jokes are too 'funny' for me. there just ain't no fun in being with them anymore. it's kinda stressful even i must say...to try hard to link my thoughts to theirs. did they 'upgrade' their sense of humour or have i lost mine? this shit just ain't cool anymore. sometimes i just feel like telling them straight in the face that they are sounding kinda childish or are being excessively lame. but i doubt that would be of much help. i am just in no position to be of any help. i am no longer part of them. i don't know if they have noticed their change but those of us who have left the class certainly do. damn...why does things have to turn out this way? fuck it.
*repeated 'Eminem - Sing For The Moment' 13 times since i've started writing this entry. guess i'll get sick of this track soon enough.
-forgot my name at 4:04 AM
Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.
What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 11:42 PM
You're nothing, really. But you're nice.
What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have been involved in a shameful online RPG,
and your soul will never be clean. You've
soiled the memory of a dead author and
neglected yourself and other human beings for
months at a time; there is no way to make up
for this. The Lord has turned His eyes from you
forever!
Keep back, you utter trash!
Why Will You Go To Hell?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are blue. You are somewhat innocent, in the fact that your genius only extends to the physical world. You have a false sense of contentness. You are usually the quiet one, the genius. Everyone can count on you to help when they have problems, but you only fall short of being able to solve your own.
What inner color are you?
Avril Lavigne, she's a disgrace to your kind.
What annoying Celebrity would you most likely wanna kill?
brought to you by Quizilla
Solo Acoustic..You're someone that doesn't need to
be with somebody else. you can hold your own,
and still be entertaining. Maybe you'll be as
good as Chris Carraba one day!
What kind of band should you belong to?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 5:47 PM
You're nothing, really. But you're nice.
What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 2:02 AM
Boredom
nah...the topic ain't that true. you can't believe everything that i say. i lie quite a lot in the blog (so sue me). life's been going on pretty fine these days. nothing serious has cropped up or any other shit of that sort. so i could consider it plain boring. i need some stimulations in my life...perk me up. wake me up. let me feel that i'm still living my life and not existing as the others are.
i suppose it's true that blogging can become addictive sometimes. when you find that you have nothing to do, you just kinda like want someone to talk to or just someone to listen to you complain about every other things in life. that's when blogs come in i suppose. lets you do whatever you want with it. be whoever you want to be. talk it over with yourself. that's it. kinda realizing that more and more people are blogging nowadays. maybe it's because of peer influence though. when one starts to blog, others also start too. thinking that it might be quite fun to do so. but how many will really last through the long run? i dunno. blogger is actually a nice thing to have especially for people like me who talks to myself most of the time (no i'm not crazy. i talk to the inner part of me. don't understand? so sue me). maybe i'm true according to the personality test. i'm more of an introvert than an extrovert. i keep things to myself. i'm a psychopath. so? i'm me.
guess i'll be rather busy this holidays. schedule is pretty tight already. got training tomorrow which will take up the whole day. hope the teacher will let us know of the team list. end our sufferings. let us anticipate and worry no more. sunday...will be going for the party and stuff. i'm also having a class gathering sorta thing so i'll hafta think over which one to pon first. maybe i could go for the gathering first then go for the clubbing and such. think i'll be too lazy to go for the gathering. damn. whatever. monday...someone's birthday. yupz. will be celebrating with her. hope it turns out good. think i just suck at planning activities. totally no idea on how to make a day fun or whatsoever. maybe i'll hafta sought some ideas from others. don't want to make the day lousy for her. it's her birthday after all. for the rest of the week, think i'll be having trainings and stuff. will probably be leaving my tutorials till term reopens. i'm just beginning to slack again. damn...i'm enjoying every moment of it though. hope i could pick up again after the one week break. gotta work hard. i doubt i have much of a choice left...just gotta slog my way through these 2 years. then i'll be a free man i suppose. gotta be enjoying every moment of my life.
doubt i'll have much time to blog the next few days. just look at my schedule above and you'll know right. damn...i'll just be too damn shag to come online even i think. will just start to stone in front of my lousy monitor and doze off. what a low down life i'm living. i'm just like reaching a point whereby i'm outta stuff to say and just crapping my way through this entry. what the hell (i'm still crapping). i'm just not in the mood to do anything related to school now. totally feel like slacking. haven't attended any lessons at all for today(i mean friday). i just skipped everything. reached school late then had no mood or whatsoever. let the tutors just assume that i'm absent or whatever. i can't really be bothered. kinda wasting my time going to tutorials. tutors are laming around in class also. not learning much stuff. rather stone in lounge i suppose. guess i'll end here. running outta ideas to crap even. what the hell. hope i'll be able to blog again tomorrow. wonder what we'll be doing for training tomorrow though. haven't got wind of any friendly matches for the guys. hmm...
-forgot my name at 2:01 AM
Blog Blog Blog
am i just plain bored or what...i'm blogging again. damn. think i must've been damn bored sitting in front of my comp with nothing to do. i can't get online right now. typing this entry in 'wordpad' which i always do. i kinda like the alignment of the characters and everything in wordpad so i'd rather use wordpad than microsoft word or whatever. my brother's hogging the internet dial-up account over at KL and there cannot be two connections from one single account at one time. so i'll just have to wait till my brother's done with whatever he's doing before i can do anything about it.
think i'm gonna be damn broke once again this holiday. so many people's birthday coming up at the same time. not much choice for me but to shag my wallet over and over again. thought the money i've been saving these few weeks could be put to some good use for this holiday and for buying something special for her. but the unexpected birthdays of so many people has just added on to my troubles. no idea what to buy for everyone so i'm just like chipping in for the birthday presents for my class people and letting the rest of them decide on exactly what to buy for those birthday girls.
i'm totally not in the mood to study already. already switched to 'holiday mode' i suppose. been going to school the past few days and just sleeping my breaks or lectures away in the reading room. damn tired. not even doing anymore tutorials. just can't really be bothered about doing all those stuff since the term's gonna end soon and most of our teachers would be reshuffled. guess my class people are kinda keen on staying together as a class or whatsoever. i'm not exactly against that. but i do welcome the idea of reshuffling the people in the class. coz i would definitely like to meet more people. make new friends and such. doubt i'll be participating in the orientation again so it's always good to make more friends in school i suppose.
gotta go rack my brains over exactly what to buy for her as a birthday present. can't seem to see things that are really nice or really exceptionally wonderful in town today. guess i'll just have to use a bit of my 'creativity' and try to come up with an unique kinda gift. lol~
still can't connect online. was supposed to end already but since there's nothing much for me to do, guess i'll just type in some more stuff. hmm...heard the team list is kinda out already. wonder if i would still be in the team. not exactly worried about it coz if i can't make it again this year, there's always next year for me but not for the rest of the guys. so i don't really mind if i don't make it. i would rather give the other guys the chance to play for the school this year. it will be fun and exciting. we're gonna work our way all the way to the top so let's get going guys~
-forgot my name at 11:49 PM
Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla
Everyday
What Dave Matthews Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
You'd shoot them
How would you kill someone
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 12:16 AM
Thanks
it's getting kinda late now...so i guess i'll try to keep this short. i seriously need to catch some sleep. haven't really slept yesterday and i've been having insomnia for the past week or so. no idea why. since after the JAE thing, i've been having insomnia till now. i could just lie on the bed for an hour or two and find myself totally unable to get to sleep. maybe it's because of the new pillows, new bedsheet. but i don't think it really matters that much. something seems to be bothering me but i can't really seem to figure out exactly what is bugging me. my brain just seems to be super active the moment i try to sleep and thoughts just keep on running through my head uncontrollably. maybe i'm over-stressed. i dunno.
this feeling sucks. hope i'll be able to sleep well later. things are settling down at home now. the past 24hrs has been totally crap. what the hell. i shall not elaborate on that part though. family problem. quarrel quarrel and quarrel. that's about it. cold war between my mum and my dad right now. better this than they start another argument. things will turn out well i hope. just to inform you people who are reading this shit here, my handphone's auto-roaming has been terminated. yes. i've been unable to control myself and have just failed to keep the bill down. hope this last resort would work out.
isn't it amazing how one could just find the inspirations to write and write and write when they are feeling sad or whatever. maybe this is life. happy times pass us by so quickly yet sorrows linger around us. first time i'm blogging so intensively i must admit. i guess i must be damn bored or maybe i'm just such a loner i can't find someone to talk to that i have to resort to blogging to sort out my damn thoughts.
i've just found out a new part of me today i think. a part of me that i've never seen before i must admit. a part of me that's been growing within me without me noticing it at all. this is just so cool. maybe i'm just dumb or whatever. i can't really seem to bring my sorrows to others around me. i just would force myself to make merry when i'm with the right bunch of guys no matter how troubled i am. i was crapping my way through tutorials with my group members and such but once the lesson ends and we start to walk about, there's this sudden surge of loneliness running through me. i have no idea why. maybe i'm feeling that because few really knows me. knows the real me. some of you out there would be able to see that i'm unhappy despite the brave front that i put on today. and very few of you have seen my real side. the ugly side of me. the totally pissed side of me. those who know me well, will probably know what i am capable of doing once they see me with that face. it's just such an unmistakable face which would probably say 'don't mess with me. don't. ever.'
ought to take this opportunity to thank all those people who've stood by me through rain and storm, through thick and thin. thanks. my heart remembers you. just thought that i'd feature this song too. it's nice. my type of songs.
Feeder - "Just The Way I'm Feeling"
Love in, love out,
Find the feeling
Scream in, Scream out,
Time for healing
You feel the moment's gone too soon,
You're watching clouds come over you.
Torn in two,
You close your eyes for some place new,
Torn in two
And I feel it's going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
I'm waiting for your healing hand,
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
It's just the way I'm feeling.
Glow in, burn out,
Lost the feeling
Bruise in, you bruise out,
Nurse the bleeding
Torn in two,
Each time we bruise
And I feel it's going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
I'm waiting for your healing hand,
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
It's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
Two different views,
As words confuse and break
I can't get out,
There's no way out of here,
I can't get clear.
Love in, love out,
Find the feeling.
And I feel it's going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
I'm waiting for your healing hand,
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down,
Ten feet below the ground,
It's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling.
-forgot my name at 12:57 AM
Run Away
not my usual time of the day to blog again...my usual blogging time would be 3am or somewhere around there. a time where it's all quiet and no one to talk to so i could concentrate on sorting out my thoughts. it doesn't mean that i am able to sort out my thoughts thoroughly right now but that i'm feeling kinda vexed or troubled or pissed off or simply, whatever.
feel like running away from everything around me. to a land where no one knows who i am, no one gives a damn about me except myself. to live a life of my own. to be who i want to be. to be free from all the restrictions imposed upon me. my relationship with my family haven't been going on quite well i suppose. my mum's been nagging at me and scolding me almost 24/7 about a lot of things. the way i spend money, the way i dress, the way i gel my hair, the way i spend my time in front of my computer and the way i spend my time on my cca. what the hell. can't she just leave me alone? i suppose that just because i've retained means that i have to spend 24/7 studying and doing stuffs related to school work. what the fuck. i don't like to talk to my family about the stuffs i do and they don't question much about it either. when they ask about my results, i would just reply in a few words for example:
m�m: have you gotten your tests back?
son: ya.
m�m: how many marks did you get for the tests?
son: 60+.
m�m: *nags. nags. and nags.* no A's? *nags. nags. and nags.*
son: *goes on doing his own stuff and ignores the nagging.*
note that this conversation is done in chinese coz i come from a mandarin speaking family.
i don't know man...this just feels kinda sucky. i've gotten the result slip already. the 1st term report slip. haven't shown them yet. it's not very good i suppose...considering the fact that the topics and tests are relatively simple and i've done them before. ABBB. the results that i have gotten. i'm quite happy with it already. first time i've gotten a pass and a B for my Maths C in JC. what an achievement. but some people just seems to keep asking for more. maybe it's because i get contented with results easily, i don't know. think her ideal son would be those kind who stays at home 24/7 and reads books and studies diligently. but i am totally not that sort. i've totally disappointed her in that aspect i suppose. i can't sit down and study continuously for more than half an hour. i need to get a move around the house or do something else every little while. studying is just not my cup of tea. if you ask me to think of some designs or fix up something, i could work on it for hours till i've figured the whole thing out. studying? screw it.
i do admit that i've been spending way too much money nowadays. especially my phone bill. near 700 bucks for 3 months' bill. that's crazy i agree. but i've tried my best to cut down already. i just need more time. the latest phone bill is 140+ which is half of the previous month's bill. it's a great accomplishment i would say. but my parents think otherwise. they expect it to be not more than 50. and now they're threatening to terminate my line. wow. what the fuck. no comments about it. i don't wish to talk to them about it. that's the whole problem with me i suppose. i don't like to talk about my problems. i try to solve my own problems my own way. if i can't solve them, i bear the consequences by myself. that's the whole point isn't it? i suppose so. i don't run away from the problems. maybe i do. i don't know.
sometimes i really wonder how many of us think of committing suicide. frankly speaking, i do. yes. the only problem is that i don't have the balls to do it. it's not a very good thought i suppose. it may seem a cowardly act to escape from all the problems facing the person but it takes a special kind of courage to do it i suppose. maybe it's not all about escaping from the problems but the will and desire to abandon this life and start afresh. hmm...doesn't sound too healthy to be thinking about this kinda things at such an age i suppose. maybe i need some serious counselling...i'm just mentally unstable. maybe one day if i really kill myself, someone ought to inform my parents about this blog. haha...
kinda find that i'm becoming more and more rebellious. am i? or maybe i'm just trying to gain more freedom and independence? i don't know. i tend to wanna do things my way. i no longer listen to my parents' nagging...whether they be good or bad. i just kinda want to follow the voice inside my head. coz i know what i really want and they don't. they don't know me. they just want me to be the 'me' that they want to know...trying to mould me into the typical son they want or others already have. i just hate it when they compare me with others' sons or daughters. if they think that they're much better than me, why don't they just go and make them their sons or daughters? i won't really mind. i am simply me. does it really matter how clever or how obedient others' sons or daughters are? i don't give a damn about others. they find that i'm asking for too much outta my life and i'm comparing myself too much with the rich. am i? they're just comparing me too much with the poor i suppose. why can't they understand the fact that i do not wish to be compared to others? will comparing me to others make me any better? i don't give a fuck about how others think of me coz i know who i am.
my parents say that i'm not thinking for them. i don't think about how hard they're working to earn money for me and i'm splurging away their money. yes i agree that i'm kinda splurging away the money but that doesn't mean that i don't think for them. i don't just splurge. i save, i splurge. that's about it. i cut down on my expenditure on food and i spend the money on wherever i want to spend. as simple as that. they just tend to look at one side of things. just because they can't see that i'm saving, doesn't mean that i'm splurging. just because they don't see me studying, doesn't mean that i have not studied. just because they don't see me thinking, doesn't mean that i'm not thinking. they just don't see the whole picture don't they. basically they don't see me studying is because they are not at home most of the time. do they expect me to pretend that i'm studying when they're around? sorry, but i can't do it. get someone else to do the job. i quit.
maybe i should let them see this blog, translate this whole shit out and print it out for them. use it as a guide to raising me as an individual. haha...sounds kinda interesting doesn't it? oh fuck it. i just suck at expressing what i want. my biggest flaw in life.
-forgot my name at 7:29 PM
-forgot my name at 5:16 PM
-forgot my name at 5:11 PM
not really in the mood to blog right now...not my usual time of the day to blog. i'm just kinda bored so i'm typing something here in case others accuse me of being a slacker and not update my blog from time to time. having a running nose right now and i'll be going off for my hockey training in just a while. damn the stupid weather...sunny and rain...unpredictable.
i find it hard for me to push myself to do some work recently. totally have no mood to do anything. guess it's because the march holidays are just around the corner...one more week of school and i'm over and done with the first term. these three months seems rather short to me, don't really remember myself doing much stuff in school. maybe it's because i'm having such a tight schedule that i haven't had time to notice how the world moves on around me. school work's not that busy for me this year though...maybe it's because it's only the first three months and i've done all these shit before last year. it's just like plain-sailing for me up till now. can't imagine how life would be for me next year when everything seems so unfamiliar to me and i'll have to slog my way through again. damn...what a life.
think i'll go and pack my stuff now. will probably blog again tonight or maybe tomorrow. i don't know. it depends on my mood and whether i have any stuff to write. will be having a friendly match against some secondary school later...it's said to be pretty good so i suppose we'll have to put up a strong fight against them and see how it goes.
-forgot my name at 11:36 AM
Choices II
didn't notice that it's been 3 days since i've really posted something until tabbie and jing reminds me. feeling kinda cold right now though it's bright and sunny outside. hope i'm not developing a fever. i've been rotting away in my house for the past few days. it's kinda sucky but i do cherish these few days of break. at least i can just relax my mind and slack my ballz off. o_O
kinda misses school life now. isn't it contradicting how one would miss school during the holidays and yearn for the holidays once the school term starts? i don't think i'm yearning for all the lectures and the tutorials but actually the company of my 'brothers' in school. it's just boring staying at home when all the others are schooling...don't know who to ask out...no one to chat to online...no one to crap with. damn.
somehow i think that i've lost the motivation to do work once again. oh man...not again. i've totally lost the mood to do anything related to school. haven't even touched my pencil case after friday. if this continues on, i may well be repeating another year of J1 again...lol~ i hope not. it'd better not be the case. actually i'm beginning to wonder if i should stay on in JC once again. i wonder if this is really the life that i want; the path that would lead me one step closer to my dream. maybe...i cannot say for sure. for i do not know what lies ahead of me. come to think of it, if i was given the chance to quit JC and move on to poly, i would do so. yes. i would definitely move on. i totally have no idea how the subjects i'm studying right now would be linked to the course that i would be doing in University. i would be going into business if my results permits me to do so. and what the hell has physics and the stupid maths got to do with business study? although econs may seem to be somehow linked, my tutor has basically assured me that it has no linkage at all. wow...then why the hell am i still in JC?
basically i'm still here because my parents have not given me their consent on me quitting JC. i've told them one hundred and one reasons why i should quit JC but they still insist that i continue studying here. their reason: since you can make it to JC, why waste the chance? sounds kinda dumb, doesn't it? i suppose that would be the basic explanation as to why most parents would want their child to go to JC. however, i feel that there is actually another answer to my question which they would rather not say it out: face. damn me for performing so well in PSLE and getting into TCHS. all these have made my parents so proud and they simply cannot accept the fact that such a 'promising' kid would want to give up the chance to be in JC and study in a polytechnic. screw the society for making JCs seem so wonderful. just screw it.
another reason that i would stay on in JC would be because of the friends that i have here now. it's hard to abandon such a nice bunch of friends that i would probably not find elsewhere. all the fun we had, all the crazy shit we did, how could i forget them. although people may say that even if i quit JC, we would still be friends and we would definitely be keeping contacts with each other still. would that be the case? i do not know. all i know is that relationships would drift IF i leave for poly. we may still be in touch with one another for a month, two months, three months, or even a year. but god knows if we would still be in contact after that. i doubt so. i would have the rest of my poly education to get over and done with and you people would most probably be slogging through your NS. what the hell. the feeling of losing contacts with friends sucks...i've already lost contact with several of my good friends in chi high and i do not wish for that to happen too. damn.
this is life i suppose. choices have to be made. fates sealed by the choices we make. i really think i have to make a choice seriously. no point letting my fate being sealed by others. i want to be in control of my life. can i?
'Forgive and forget so you do not relive and regret' <--- this is my new quit message for irc. not bad eh...i find it quite nice and sets me to thinking about the way i deal with relationships with people. basically i forgive people easily and i do not relive and regret upon any choices that i've made. so that leaves me with one problem, i do not forget. i do not forget the pain that others have inflicted upon me. my memory simply does not allow me to forget things.
-forgot my name at 6:14 PM
Take the ICQuiz!
Take the Purrsonality Quiz!
-forgot my name at 2:00 AM
Your Q Score is: 11
The Q score ideally should be as small as possible, indicating maximum agreement among elements. However, even a tiny Q score may not mean optimal functioning, since all four elements may in fact be relatively undeveloped.
Your Primary Mythical Creature
Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.
Satyr
Water with Earth
Astrologically associated with Scorpio and the Eighth House
Satyr types are warm and sociable but also enigmatic and mysterious. They are sensitive to others� feelings and moods and are extremely insightful and perceptive. They feel a need to relate intimately with others and they often do so through sensual pleasures. However, they also have a tendency to be cautious and guarded and they need to maintain their privacy. This behavior confuses others and makes them appear unpredictable and capricious. They want to control over themselves and others in order to feel secure. They also want to merge with others to feel a sense of unity. They are frequently attracted to art and design, especially if it involves the natural world. They have a deep love of nature. They are imaginative and enjoy combining their creative urges with sensual pleasures in a productive way.
Your Shadow Creature
Air Types
All the Air types have problems relating to irrationality and trust. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.
Firebird
Air and Fire
This shadow is intolerant and unforgiving and prone to revenge for imagined slights using passive aggression. In the absence of a moderating factor they are at the mercy of transient emotional states. A sense of inferiority leads to overcompensation. They lack motivation and are prone to apathy. At the same time they want to have control over others so that they can play the autocrat and enjoy the fruits of other people�s labor and claim credit for their accomplishments. They unreasonably expect the worst from people and consequently get it as a self-fulfilling prophesy. Their logic is faulty and self-defeating. The biggest obstacle of weak Fire is to overcome anger and aggression; the biggest obstacle of weak Air is to overcome prejudice and ignorance.
-forgot my name at 10:23 PM
What's Your True Element?
brought to you by Quizilla
What's your personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
 I taste like Bread.I am a staple in almost everyone's diet. Friends like me are a complement to any other friends I get on with almost everyone, remaining mostly in the background, but providing substance when it would otherwise be lacking. What Flavour Are You? |
take the quiz!
Which Vagrant Story Character should be Yours?
brought to you by Quizilla
take the death quiz.
and go to mewing.net. laura = great.
take the antisocial test.
and go to mewing.net. because laura's feeling social.
I'm a Fire Spirit
take free enneagram test
-forgot my name at 8:50 PM
You are a Dubliner.
What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla
You are "G.O.D." ... "Groove Over
Dose!" You might not have the look, or the
best means to prove yourself, but people
generally like you anyway. Just make sure to
wash frequently, and try not to look like a
child molester, because you probably don't want
to look like one. You work hard, but are fun-
loving. I like that.
What male k-pop group are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You're Adelbert Steiner!
Which Final Fantasy IX character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
YOU EAT PEOPLE!!!
what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 8:07 PM
You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.
What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
-forgot my name at 5:44 PM
Choices
i have no idea what this is i am feeling right now. just went online and saw dennis online. heard that he will not be able to stay on in aj anymore. it's been less than a month since i know him but somehow i'm feeling sad that he's not able to stay. i was hoping that he would be able to stay on...at least there would be one less mugger in the school. now that things have turned out like this, i really dunno how the hell i am going to face all those mugging pieces of shit in the school for two more years. all the best to dennis in his future endeavours.
isn't it amazing how some people in this world could actually piss you off in just an instant and make you feel like killing them? it is to me. i don't know how i've actually managed to spend a year with this guy around me and look upon him as a friend of mine when i actually hate him so deep down in me. i don't know if i've mentioned this in my previous entries but i'll just say this again. i'm not a person who can stand insults. not unless you can prove that you are better than me in every ways. so i don't suppose anyone would have the right to insult me as a human being, me as a friend, me as someone who's able to think and feel. if you have anything you don't like about me, just spit it straight in my face. i'll give you my feedbacks about it or i'll just give you a punch in the face. that's it. nothing too complicated. another thing would be that you should never insult any friends of mine. no matter how loserish he may seem to all of us. at least show some respect for that pathetic soul. i simply cannot stand people talking bad about me or whatsoever behind my back. i don't like to be kept in the dark that's for sure.
i seem to be losing several of my friends nowadays. i cannot be sure of that. all of us used to be on pretty good terms until one by one we left the school or left the class. leaving the rest of them to the manipulation of that bugger at the other side. can a person's attitude and character really change within a few months' time? i don't think so. he may seem a 'changed' person but i'd prefer to see him as another of those losers putting on a facade in front of that ugly face of his. i don't know how things have turned out this way now. is there anything i could do to turn back the tide? i don't know. i don't wish to lose those friends and i really treasure the fond memories we used to have. but judging from the way things are now, i don't think i could really associate myself with them much more. they have changed. not for the better, but for the worse. at least that's what me and the others think. what the hell is wrong with them? i don't think they can see the change in them themselves and neither do the people in the class. they have become accustomed to their 'erratic' behaviour as time goes by. for those of us who have left the class, we could see the change in them. a very drastic change. maybe life's like this. some of us change, while others remain the same. but i simply could not see the rationale in them becoming such lamers. i suppose they could resist changes or simply go with the tide. it's hard to resist change for almost everyone in this world. so going with the tide would be an easy way out i suppose. i do not blame them. but i do blame the one responsible for the change. may that bugger get the hell out of our lives and take off that ugly facade of his. show your face to the world, you muthafucker.
-forgot my name at 11:59 AM
.:Web Counter:.
- - - - - - -
