name: zesin.
loves: life, music, photography.
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doppelganger.
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.: contact :.
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.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
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.: reads :.
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.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
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.: archive :.
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11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
loves: life, music, photography.
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doppelganger.
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.: contact :.
- - - - - - - -
.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
- - - - - - - -
.: reads :.
- - - - - - - -
.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
- - - - - - - -
.: archive :.
- - - - - - - -
11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
One
guess everything's more settled already.at least on my part.i've calmed myself down and more or less calmed her down also.it's about time to start mugging for my prelims again.haven't exactly been studying over the past few days.to be exact, i have not studied for the past few days.gotta try to pick up from where i left off and concentrate on my studies.i do hope she's doing pretty fine too in school.don't want her to screw up her life just because of a jerk like me.it's not worth it.seems like my problem has sorta spread around a lil bit and there's gonna be a lot of questions but i guess i won't entertain all of them.i'm simply too lazy to repeat whatever things i have to say all the time.as for now, i'll just have to leave everything to fate.let nature take its course.
"our paths may have diverged for now, but if we're meant to cross each other's path again, we will."
-forgot my name at 5:32 PM
Dilemma
can anyone tell me whether i have done the right thing?can anyone just give me an answer.i feel so terrible.i can't find an answer within.i can't find an answer from anyone.if i have done the right thing,why am i feeling so terrible until now.have i made the wrong decision?i don't know.i really don't.
-forgot my name at 11:15 AM
Ending
yest,i've initiated a break-up with my girlfriend who's been with me for 13 months and 10 days.yes it was i who initiated it.i don't really know why also.it feels so pathetic.so shitty.anyway, i don't think anybody still comes to this blog page of mine anymore but it doesn't really matter anyway.i just need somewhere where i can babble non-stop cos there's basically no one i can talk to currently.
it's been a rather long time since i blogged.9 months already.i'm just too lazy to blog and also i don't have a computer with me in Singapore as i've moved over there to stay so it'd get rather hard if i wanna blog or whatever.i've got so many things to say but i just don't know where exactly to start.anyway,who the hell is the bugger who tagged at my board and say she likes to slash her arm and let it bleed into the river?never mind.
i've been crying intermittently ever since i brought up the topic of breaking-up with her.all you people who are concerned with me may simply be surprised by my actions.why did i want to break-up for no reason at all?i don't exactly know the reason.i suppose my love for her is fading.i don't know how true this is actually.if my love for her has really faded, then why does my heart feel so bad?why am i crying so badly?why does it feel as if i've lost something somewhere?i don't know.
i know i may seem selfish to do such a thing to hurt a girl who loves me with all her heart and soul.i do admit i'm a jerk, an asshole.to do such a thing like this is simply intolerable.but i feel that i must find a solution to this relationship problem.it's like i can't exactly find the motivation to go and meet her at times.it's been about 3 weeks since i last saw her and nowadays i don't even have the motivation to message her or whatever.don't really have anything much to say to her thru sms also.i don't know why.i simply do not comprehend my own actions and behaviour.it may be due to the A level stress or things like that but i really do not know why.
i can't find a solution within myself to solve this problem.i do not know if it is a good idea for me to break-up with her cos i can't say that i totally have no feelings left for her already.it's just that the sometimes the feeling is there and at times i feel so numb.i really don't know how much longer i can carry on like this.everytime i try to think of a resolution to this problem,my mind gets so clogged up that i can't seem to study anymore.everything seems so unreal yet it feels so painful.i ask around for an answer,i ask within for an answer,i pray for an answer,i get no answer.i do not know what is the best way out of this situation.i'm so lost.so helpless.
now that i've initiated the break-up,i do not know whether i've done the correct thing.the thought has always been on my mind on whether it is a good idea.i do not know why i suddenly just brought this up yest and everything just went haywire.i wasn't prepared i suppose or maybe i was wrong.i do not know if i would regret making this decision at this point of time,she really is a good girl.i really loved her.i really do.i can't bear to let her hang there halfway and not come up with a resolution.it would simply be too selfish to just leave her stranded until probably after As then i'll decide what to do.it is just too selfish.maybe i need more space to do what i have to do right now.to score well for my exams.i need more freedom.maybe.but have i really gained freedom or have i merely exchanged it with a state of loneliness,a state of helplessness,a state of misery.
i know i may live to regret this decision i make now.because i do not know where else i can find such a good girl but at the same time i cannot afford to lead her on into thinking that i still love her as much as i do in the past.if i ever regret this decision of mine,then let this be a regret for the rest of my life for i cannot foresee the future.i do not know what will happen.what will become of me.i do not even know if i will fall in love ever again.there simply is this fear within me.i do not know what kinda fear it is, but i do fear something.fear that i would break another girl's heart again.fear that i would let someone down again.that would simply be one thing i would least want to do.i fear not being able to get over this relationship, fear that i would not be able to get a girl who loves me as much as she does,fear that i would not be able to love a girl as much as i loved her,fear that i would regret.
everything is just too uncertain at the moment.guess i've screwed up my life again.as usual.i really cant bear to see her suffer like this.it may be a selfish decision of mine.but i suppose it is the best way out for the both of us.if anyone ever asked me whether i regret being with her, i definitely wouldn't.never.if there was a second chance, and that love has rekindled again, i would definitely choose to be with her.i simply am left with no choice at all now.there simply is no U-turn already.things have already reached this stage.there's no point dragging it on any further.i'm a jerk.
-forgot my name at 2:19 PM
guess everything's more settled already.at least on my part.i've calmed myself down and more or less calmed her down also.it's about time to start mugging for my prelims again.haven't exactly been studying over the past few days.to be exact, i have not studied for the past few days.gotta try to pick up from where i left off and concentrate on my studies.i do hope she's doing pretty fine too in school.don't want her to screw up her life just because of a jerk like me.it's not worth it.seems like my problem has sorta spread around a lil bit and there's gonna be a lot of questions but i guess i won't entertain all of them.i'm simply too lazy to repeat whatever things i have to say all the time.as for now, i'll just have to leave everything to fate.let nature take its course.
"our paths may have diverged for now, but if we're meant to cross each other's path again, we will."
-forgot my name at 5:32 PM
Dilemma
can anyone tell me whether i have done the right thing?can anyone just give me an answer.i feel so terrible.i can't find an answer within.i can't find an answer from anyone.if i have done the right thing,why am i feeling so terrible until now.have i made the wrong decision?i don't know.i really don't.
-forgot my name at 11:15 AM
Ending
yest,i've initiated a break-up with my girlfriend who's been with me for 13 months and 10 days.yes it was i who initiated it.i don't really know why also.it feels so pathetic.so shitty.anyway, i don't think anybody still comes to this blog page of mine anymore but it doesn't really matter anyway.i just need somewhere where i can babble non-stop cos there's basically no one i can talk to currently.
it's been a rather long time since i blogged.9 months already.i'm just too lazy to blog and also i don't have a computer with me in Singapore as i've moved over there to stay so it'd get rather hard if i wanna blog or whatever.i've got so many things to say but i just don't know where exactly to start.anyway,who the hell is the bugger who tagged at my board and say she likes to slash her arm and let it bleed into the river?never mind.
i've been crying intermittently ever since i brought up the topic of breaking-up with her.all you people who are concerned with me may simply be surprised by my actions.why did i want to break-up for no reason at all?i don't exactly know the reason.i suppose my love for her is fading.i don't know how true this is actually.if my love for her has really faded, then why does my heart feel so bad?why am i crying so badly?why does it feel as if i've lost something somewhere?i don't know.
i know i may seem selfish to do such a thing to hurt a girl who loves me with all her heart and soul.i do admit i'm a jerk, an asshole.to do such a thing like this is simply intolerable.but i feel that i must find a solution to this relationship problem.it's like i can't exactly find the motivation to go and meet her at times.it's been about 3 weeks since i last saw her and nowadays i don't even have the motivation to message her or whatever.don't really have anything much to say to her thru sms also.i don't know why.i simply do not comprehend my own actions and behaviour.it may be due to the A level stress or things like that but i really do not know why.
i can't find a solution within myself to solve this problem.i do not know if it is a good idea for me to break-up with her cos i can't say that i totally have no feelings left for her already.it's just that the sometimes the feeling is there and at times i feel so numb.i really don't know how much longer i can carry on like this.everytime i try to think of a resolution to this problem,my mind gets so clogged up that i can't seem to study anymore.everything seems so unreal yet it feels so painful.i ask around for an answer,i ask within for an answer,i pray for an answer,i get no answer.i do not know what is the best way out of this situation.i'm so lost.so helpless.
now that i've initiated the break-up,i do not know whether i've done the correct thing.the thought has always been on my mind on whether it is a good idea.i do not know why i suddenly just brought this up yest and everything just went haywire.i wasn't prepared i suppose or maybe i was wrong.i do not know if i would regret making this decision at this point of time,she really is a good girl.i really loved her.i really do.i can't bear to let her hang there halfway and not come up with a resolution.it would simply be too selfish to just leave her stranded until probably after As then i'll decide what to do.it is just too selfish.maybe i need more space to do what i have to do right now.to score well for my exams.i need more freedom.maybe.but have i really gained freedom or have i merely exchanged it with a state of loneliness,a state of helplessness,a state of misery.
i know i may live to regret this decision i make now.because i do not know where else i can find such a good girl but at the same time i cannot afford to lead her on into thinking that i still love her as much as i do in the past.if i ever regret this decision of mine,then let this be a regret for the rest of my life for i cannot foresee the future.i do not know what will happen.what will become of me.i do not even know if i will fall in love ever again.there simply is this fear within me.i do not know what kinda fear it is, but i do fear something.fear that i would break another girl's heart again.fear that i would let someone down again.that would simply be one thing i would least want to do.i fear not being able to get over this relationship, fear that i would not be able to get a girl who loves me as much as she does,fear that i would not be able to love a girl as much as i loved her,fear that i would regret.
everything is just too uncertain at the moment.guess i've screwed up my life again.as usual.i really cant bear to see her suffer like this.it may be a selfish decision of mine.but i suppose it is the best way out for the both of us.if anyone ever asked me whether i regret being with her, i definitely wouldn't.never.if there was a second chance, and that love has rekindled again, i would definitely choose to be with her.i simply am left with no choice at all now.there simply is no U-turn already.things have already reached this stage.there's no point dragging it on any further.i'm a jerk.
-forgot my name at 2:19 PM
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