name: zesin.
loves: life, music, photography.
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doppelganger.
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.: contact :.
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.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
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.: reads :.
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.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
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.: archive :.
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11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
loves: life, music, photography.
- - - - - - - -
doppelganger.
- - - - - - - -
.: contact :.
- - - - - - - -
.: myspace :.
.: facebook :.
.: friendster :.
- - - - - - - -
.: reads :.
- - - - - - - -
.: dith :.
.: ming :.
.: sancia :.
.: huixian :.
.: renrong :.
.: yuzhong :.
.: siaowen :.
.: jiaquan :.
.: ah teck :.
.: chewy :.
.: justin :.
.: jing :.
- - - - - - - -
.: archive :.
- - - - - - - -
11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 11.2003 12.2003 09.2004 10.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 01.2009 02.2009 03.2009 04.2009 07.2009 12.2009 01.2010 04.2010
ah. sick again. great. 3 times in 3 weeks. just hope it ain't dengue.
-forgot my name at 1:52 PM
ah. back in hall. today was pretty nice, no major glitches in the schedule. things seem to be going on pretty fine these days. i really sincerely hope it can be this way. or at least not as bad. i'm beginning to relish every moment with you. i don't know why. i'm beginning to feel, not just hurt or pain. but i felt happy.
i think Osim has done it again. the Zap Zap promotions everywhere is simply irritating. the commercial song to be exact and not to mention the product itself is another failure following iGallop.
-forgot my name at 1:23 AM
i haven't blogged for several days it seems. in a way it's good. cos when i don't blog that often. it means i ain't got much to rant about. i'm probably giving too much pressure to you. all i wish is for you to be happy.
-forgot my name at 3:26 AM
i sat up the whole night waiting for the miracle to come. but life wasn't meant to be a box of chocolates, you can never get what you want.
-forgot my name at 4:53 AM
-forgot my name at 4:33 AM
you get the company you want. where do i get mine. i need to forget. even if for a moment. make me.
-forgot my name at 4:03 AM
sitting here in the dead cold of the night brings forth nothing but a sense of longing. a longing for somebody to bring the light back. bring the warmth back.
-forgot my name at 3:48 AM
sometimes after talking to you, you seem to understand and am able to straighten your thoughts. yet, the next day things seem to have revert back to its original way. it's funny. but i wish i could laugh.
-forgot my name at 1:54 AM
the way to my heart is through cooking too i suppose. it kinda pricks to read what you wrote. somehow it seems that i am not exactly capable of doing a lot of things that you hope for. i do need someone who can spend the whole day with me without feeling bored and just doing anything. i don't know. a lot of stuff i do want also. but i guess none of us is getting it.
-forgot my name at 12:52 PM
-forgot my name at 2:54 AM
i've been walking around house these couple of days looking for something that is never there. even my mum asks me what i am looking for. but i don't know. what am i looking for? maybe i'm just looking for someone who can listen to me.
-forgot my name at 1:23 PM
i cleared my inbox and outbox first thing in the morning. i was too scared to look back on what happened yesterday.
-forgot my name at 9:25 PM
-forgot my name at 8:46 PM
-forgot my name at 1:55 AM
i guess through a lot of our conversations i know what we want out of life is pretty much different. or even our outlook on life. i don't know man. i'd prefer some simple sorta holiday just exploring the countryside or just throwing ourselves in a practically unknown territory and find our way around. but yours seem to be an ideal kinda holiday with lotsa shoppings and spa and shopping and spa and shopping and spa. i don't know. notice there's a lot of i don't know. i really don't know.
oh and i've finally figured out what went wrong with my bank account. approximately 400 bucks was spent over the past month or so on presents. another 100 bucks was spent on miscellaneous stuff like phone bills, transport and outings with the gays. that explains.
-forgot my name at 1:22 AM
well, at least towards the end i felt happy. for just a moment. a short moment. as i stood amidst the crowd cheering for River Maya, i felt happy. i don't know why, but i felt free. it was touching for me in a way you know. although it ain't really some kinda sappy love songs they're singing. i really felt happy. it came from the bottom of my heart somehow. like i was meant to be in this sorta occasions. born to be doing this sorta stuff. but i got myself back to reality and sank deep in thoughts once again.
-forgot my name at 1:12 AM
-forgot my name at 1:06 AM
what am i seeking then.
THEY told you a lot of things. maybe they're right. maybe they're wrong. sometimes i do wonder. do they even know me? how many of them do. do they see the nights i cry myself to sleep. do they see the nights where i gaze up into the sky and reminisce. do they see me when i held my head in my hands and cried.
been having this headache and giddyness for the past week. ain't pretty sure what it's about. i go to bed feeling giddy with the whole world spinning around me. wake up with the whole world spinning around me. it ain't wrong in a way. the world is spinning. but i can see it spinning. that's what's wrong. doc says its a case of viral infection and should subside in a week after medication. i sure hope she's right.
in a way i'm glad for this ailment of mine. at least i've got an excuse to slack. an excuse to not do a lot of things. to not think about a lot of things. or in fact, i can't even think much most of the time. i'm pretty much in a daze most of the time these days. sometimes i know i'm talking yet i feel i'm talking incoherently. it just ain't right. its shitty to see everything spinning 24/7. sometimes i wanna cry. but what's the use. i really don't know. i've still gotta live this life. carry on with what i've gotta do. more work has piled up after doing practically nothing other than eat sleep shit. is my life such a bitch?
can you see it in my eyes. deep inside i wanna cry.
-forgot my name at 2:53 AM
i forgot to tell you bout this last night. you know, they way you talk about him with a sparkle in your eyes just can't get outta my mind. and i do wonder if you're better off with him instead.
-forgot my name at 11:07 AM
-forgot my name at 1:51 AM
man. i had a drop too much to drink just now. went jogging by myself as usual. you can call it escape or what, but everytime there's something that's fucked up in my life, i seem to be going jogging. it kinda sorts out my thinkin and lets me channel my energy to a more positive kinda way.
and my head is still spinning now. judging from my physical conditions, i probably had about 10-15 shots. i lost track. all i knew was everyone was damn high and we'll all be having a good laugh when i send the vids and photos to every single one who was present tonight. the party just ended.
i know my head's spinning yet i'm not drunk and i'm perfectly awake and sober. this is what i would call half fucked man. there's just too much on my mind. tutorials, kelvin, jk, nationality problem and a whole lotta crap. i don't know how much longer i can last man. as much as i would love to not think towards the negative side of things, it's hard. when everyone is saying the things you wouldn't wish to hear, life gets tough man. and when you're under pressure to come up with an answer to all these bogus questions, life gets even harder. it's nice to see someone who has bought you what you want cos i haven't bought shit. i really don't know what to get you cos i'm really outta idea. sometimes i dunno what i'm trying to prove. more and more expensive gifts each time, what's next? a house? a car? i really don't know man. one way or the other i feel the stress to show that i still wanna pamper you in front of your friends or something yet i feel that i'm reaching my limits. this just sucks isn't it. yes, expensive gifts ain't important. it's the thought that counts. just wait till you don't get any gifts then see what you would think.
oh and i really wanna get drunk tonight like any other time that i drink, cos i really wanna clear my mind of all these crap and be free. from all these troubles. it's weighing down on my mind. it is taxing when you already have so much problems yet you know that there are people out there who are trying to make your life even more difficult. i really can't find the strength to fight on man. how am i supposed to be up against others when i can't even get past myself? think about it. why is it always me who must do this and do that. why never the other way around? just because i'm a guy? i ain't saying this because i'm lazy. but because i'm probably too tired. too tired.
-forgot my name at 4:15 AM
my body ain't functioning properly these days. headaches seem to overcome me every alternate day. has it gotta do with the post-environmental conditions that i go through everyday or is it just me.
-forgot my name at 9:49 PM
-forgot my name at 11:38 AM
what common interest have we.
-forgot my name at 4:32 AM
-forgot my name at 4:24 AM
Desiderata
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste
and remember what peace there may be in silence
As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others;
even the dull and ignorant, for they too have their story
Avoid loud and agressive persons for they are vexatious to the spirit
If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble,
for it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time
Exercise caution in your business life for everywhere there is trickery
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism
Be yourself
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings;
many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.
You have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be
And whatever your labours and aspirations, keep peace in your soul
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world
Be cheerful
Strive to be happy.
Max Erhmann 1927
-forgot my name at 12:28 PM
have missed out on a couple of shows that i intended to watch previously. movies like fearless and fun with dick and jane maybe. just a random thought. how many times have it been that i watched a movie because you wanted to watch it rather than the other way around. i seem to have missed out on a lot of shows.
-forgot my name at 7:24 PM
-forgot my name at 3:03 AM
-forgot my name at 1:52 PM
ah. back in hall. today was pretty nice, no major glitches in the schedule. things seem to be going on pretty fine these days. i really sincerely hope it can be this way. or at least not as bad. i'm beginning to relish every moment with you. i don't know why. i'm beginning to feel, not just hurt or pain. but i felt happy.
i think Osim has done it again. the Zap Zap promotions everywhere is simply irritating. the commercial song to be exact and not to mention the product itself is another failure following iGallop.
-forgot my name at 1:23 AM
i haven't blogged for several days it seems. in a way it's good. cos when i don't blog that often. it means i ain't got much to rant about. i'm probably giving too much pressure to you. all i wish is for you to be happy.
-forgot my name at 3:26 AM
i sat up the whole night waiting for the miracle to come. but life wasn't meant to be a box of chocolates, you can never get what you want.
-forgot my name at 4:53 AM
sometimes i know i want this and that badly. yet i have to say things like 'never mind. i'll get by.' i must be understanding. i must not be selfish. i must be accepting. i must be sensitive. i must not cry like a wimp no more.
-forgot my name at 4:33 AM
Day 6
you get the company you want. where do i get mine. i need to forget. even if for a moment. make me.
-forgot my name at 4:03 AM
as the music fades, the crowds slowly diffuse back to their lives.
sitting here in the dead cold of the night brings forth nothing but a sense of longing. a longing for somebody to bring the light back. bring the warmth back.
-forgot my name at 3:48 AM
i sit and wonder at times, why things have turned out this way.
sometimes after talking to you, you seem to understand and am able to straighten your thoughts. yet, the next day things seem to have revert back to its original way. it's funny. but i wish i could laugh.
-forgot my name at 1:54 AM
the way to my heart is through cooking too i suppose. it kinda pricks to read what you wrote. somehow it seems that i am not exactly capable of doing a lot of things that you hope for. i do need someone who can spend the whole day with me without feeling bored and just doing anything. i don't know. a lot of stuff i do want also. but i guess none of us is getting it.
-forgot my name at 12:52 PM
a lot of things you did to me on saturday i cannot comprehend. all i can still do is sit and cry.
-forgot my name at 2:54 AM
i've been walking around house these couple of days looking for something that is never there. even my mum asks me what i am looking for. but i don't know. what am i looking for? maybe i'm just looking for someone who can listen to me.
-forgot my name at 1:23 PM
i cleared my inbox and outbox first thing in the morning. i was too scared to look back on what happened yesterday.
-forgot my name at 9:25 PM
so this is what hurt feels like. i almost forgot.
-forgot my name at 8:46 PM
i once said a silent prayer. i prayed for you to be one i loved the most.
-forgot my name at 1:55 AM
i guess through a lot of our conversations i know what we want out of life is pretty much different. or even our outlook on life. i don't know man. i'd prefer some simple sorta holiday just exploring the countryside or just throwing ourselves in a practically unknown territory and find our way around. but yours seem to be an ideal kinda holiday with lotsa shoppings and spa and shopping and spa and shopping and spa. i don't know. notice there's a lot of i don't know. i really don't know.
oh and i've finally figured out what went wrong with my bank account. approximately 400 bucks was spent over the past month or so on presents. another 100 bucks was spent on miscellaneous stuff like phone bills, transport and outings with the gays. that explains.
-forgot my name at 1:22 AM
today was pretty much not happy. in a way the headache has been affecting me throughout the day and also the day didn't really start the way i thought it would.
well, at least towards the end i felt happy. for just a moment. a short moment. as i stood amidst the crowd cheering for River Maya, i felt happy. i don't know why, but i felt free. it was touching for me in a way you know. although it ain't really some kinda sappy love songs they're singing. i really felt happy. it came from the bottom of my heart somehow. like i was meant to be in this sorta occasions. born to be doing this sorta stuff. but i got myself back to reality and sank deep in thoughts once again.
-forgot my name at 1:12 AM
and so they told you that acceptance is more important. i wonder if it might be easier for you to accept if you were in my shoes instead. i really don't know.
-forgot my name at 1:06 AM
what am i seeking then.
THEY told you a lot of things. maybe they're right. maybe they're wrong. sometimes i do wonder. do they even know me? how many of them do. do they see the nights i cry myself to sleep. do they see the nights where i gaze up into the sky and reminisce. do they see me when i held my head in my hands and cried.
been having this headache and giddyness for the past week. ain't pretty sure what it's about. i go to bed feeling giddy with the whole world spinning around me. wake up with the whole world spinning around me. it ain't wrong in a way. the world is spinning. but i can see it spinning. that's what's wrong. doc says its a case of viral infection and should subside in a week after medication. i sure hope she's right.
in a way i'm glad for this ailment of mine. at least i've got an excuse to slack. an excuse to not do a lot of things. to not think about a lot of things. or in fact, i can't even think much most of the time. i'm pretty much in a daze most of the time these days. sometimes i know i'm talking yet i feel i'm talking incoherently. it just ain't right. its shitty to see everything spinning 24/7. sometimes i wanna cry. but what's the use. i really don't know. i've still gotta live this life. carry on with what i've gotta do. more work has piled up after doing practically nothing other than eat sleep shit. is my life such a bitch?
can you see it in my eyes. deep inside i wanna cry.
-forgot my name at 2:53 AM
i forgot to tell you bout this last night. you know, they way you talk about him with a sparkle in your eyes just can't get outta my mind. and i do wonder if you're better off with him instead.
-forgot my name at 11:07 AM
the thought suddenly struck me just now. maybe i've been particular about whose fault it is all along cos i'm just a simple kinda man. there's pretty much just black and white in my life. either it is or it isn't. and at the end of the day, i'm just expecting a simple sorry from you. yet i haven't seem to hear it as much as i would like to. in a way i do need to be coaxed too. but well. i guess you don't know. never mind.
-forgot my name at 1:51 AM
man. i had a drop too much to drink just now. went jogging by myself as usual. you can call it escape or what, but everytime there's something that's fucked up in my life, i seem to be going jogging. it kinda sorts out my thinkin and lets me channel my energy to a more positive kinda way.
and my head is still spinning now. judging from my physical conditions, i probably had about 10-15 shots. i lost track. all i knew was everyone was damn high and we'll all be having a good laugh when i send the vids and photos to every single one who was present tonight. the party just ended.
i know my head's spinning yet i'm not drunk and i'm perfectly awake and sober. this is what i would call half fucked man. there's just too much on my mind. tutorials, kelvin, jk, nationality problem and a whole lotta crap. i don't know how much longer i can last man. as much as i would love to not think towards the negative side of things, it's hard. when everyone is saying the things you wouldn't wish to hear, life gets tough man. and when you're under pressure to come up with an answer to all these bogus questions, life gets even harder. it's nice to see someone who has bought you what you want cos i haven't bought shit. i really don't know what to get you cos i'm really outta idea. sometimes i dunno what i'm trying to prove. more and more expensive gifts each time, what's next? a house? a car? i really don't know man. one way or the other i feel the stress to show that i still wanna pamper you in front of your friends or something yet i feel that i'm reaching my limits. this just sucks isn't it. yes, expensive gifts ain't important. it's the thought that counts. just wait till you don't get any gifts then see what you would think.
oh and i really wanna get drunk tonight like any other time that i drink, cos i really wanna clear my mind of all these crap and be free. from all these troubles. it's weighing down on my mind. it is taxing when you already have so much problems yet you know that there are people out there who are trying to make your life even more difficult. i really can't find the strength to fight on man. how am i supposed to be up against others when i can't even get past myself? think about it. why is it always me who must do this and do that. why never the other way around? just because i'm a guy? i ain't saying this because i'm lazy. but because i'm probably too tired. too tired.
-forgot my name at 4:15 AM
my body ain't functioning properly these days. headaches seem to overcome me every alternate day. has it gotta do with the post-environmental conditions that i go through everyday or is it just me.
-forgot my name at 9:49 PM
woke up feeling uber fucked up. first the electricity tripped which resulted in my air con being shut off while i was sleeping. then checked my phone that had no new messages. somehow i could feel the anger welling up inside. can't you even put up a show for me even for one day. to prove that you can. fucking chee bye.
-forgot my name at 11:38 AM
i remember hearing this comment made by my friend's girlfriend before: wouldn't it be nice to find a girl who shares the common interest as you?
what common interest have we.
-forgot my name at 4:32 AM
rummaging through my memories, the thought suddenly struck me that i seem to have deep affinities with names like vincent and kelvin. interesting.
-forgot my name at 4:24 AM
Desiderata
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste
and remember what peace there may be in silence
As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others;
even the dull and ignorant, for they too have their story
Avoid loud and agressive persons for they are vexatious to the spirit
If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble,
for it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time
Exercise caution in your business life for everywhere there is trickery
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism
Be yourself
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings;
many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.
You have a right to be here
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be
And whatever your labours and aspirations, keep peace in your soul
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world
Be cheerful
Strive to be happy.
Max Erhmann 1927
-forgot my name at 12:28 PM
have missed out on a couple of shows that i intended to watch previously. movies like fearless and fun with dick and jane maybe. just a random thought. how many times have it been that i watched a movie because you wanted to watch it rather than the other way around. i seem to have missed out on a lot of shows.
-forgot my name at 7:24 PM
quoting from one of the cutest characters i've seen in hall: fucked up.
-forgot my name at 3:03 AM
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